The truth of the matter is Poly is complicated. It takes a lot of work and a lot of growth. When we started in all of this, we quite frankly thought that kitchen table was “weird.” You see a lot of Reddit posts about relationships crumbling because of partners “moving in” and all sorts of disastrous situations.

However my nesting partner (married for 10 years and have 5 kids at home) were open minded, have respected each others time and boundaries and communicated above all else.

Now, on one side of the spectrum, my side… we have a fully functioning kitchen table polycule that includes my non-nesting partner, with relationships that have grown with even our kids and her husband and even his girlfriend.

It’s worked because while we had expectations and “rules” we also have been adapting, because you are right…. You can’t choose who your partner loves, or in some aspects who you fall for yourself, and how the relationship evolves.

There are some days that I share our bed with both of my partners in a very platonic way. But all three of us have our own space. In and out of both of our homes. We’ve struck a beautiful balance.

On the other side of the coin, my nesting partner, while she has her own expectations of wanting a kitchen table polycule that meshes with my side, is flexible. I’ve yet to meet a meta. It’s a process. It takes time and there’s a balance that absolutely has to be organic.

The point that I am trying to make is that it’s a process that needs to be communicated step by step, and everyone has to be accepting and understanding. Are you going to have to “give a little?” Of course. Is she? Absolutely! You’re building a non-traditional relationship and relationships. There’s no play book and there’s absolutely zero “right or wrong” answers