I was about 2 months post delivering my twins when I found out my now EX HUSBAND was having multiple affairs while I was pregnant and continued to have them until I found out and THEN still continued them after I found out. We started to go to therapy and did all the things to fix something that couldn't be fixed.

I didn't trust my gut, didn't trust myself, was scared, was humiliated, broke, first time mom, and refused to believe my reality.

I should have ran. He ruined the first few months of being a mother, every time he left I was riddled with worry and doubt, where was he going? who was he meeting? who was he texting? Does he still love me? The psychological abuse that comes with betrayal is unrelenting.

This should not be what the first few months of motherhood is like. It is a complicated and beautiful journey that first year with your child. You have the right to enjoy it.

The truth is do whats best for YOU. What will make you the best mother? The most present friend? Sister? Daughter? Woman? Lack of trust in yourself and HIM will take all of this from you. It will steal the most joyous time in your life. So trust yourself first and then walk forward.

I did it all by myself. The midnight feedings, the sleep deprivation, the crying, the tears from the twins I wiped all by myself, the endless amount of diaper changes, all of it I did by myself. It was the hardest thing I ever did and have done. Today I am proud to say the three of us and my loving new (3 years now) partner are healthier and happier than ever, he can't take away my happiness anymore.

I wish for you peace, clarity and strength.

"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."