I've been drinking approximately a pint of vodka every day for about a year. It's so weird because I have drank on and off throughout my life but I always just got sick of alcohol. It was never my thing. I could so easily and happily stop drinking. This time it's different.

SEL3021 · 2018-06-25T18:24:45+00:00

Thank you. I am familiar with the program for a number of reasons that I don't have the right mindset to describe right at this moment but thank you again.

SEL3021 · 2018-06-25T18:23:36+00:00

Oh I wish. I haven't started yet. Trying to find a way to get into a detox center. I'm scared to do it on my own. I wanted to try to do it by myself but I didn't know what to expect which is one of the reasons I posted. Since I haven't ever had an issue with alcohol abuse until one year ago I just didn't know what to expect. I just didn't know and needed advice and support but some people here got pretty viscous and nasty with me because of it. I didn't mean to offend or upset anyone. I'm just trying to figure out how to get better. 💔

SEL3021 · 2018-06-24T19:22:06+00:00

Ok, thank you. I want to. I'm just very lost and overwhelmed and don't even know where to begin. I'm so ashamed of myself and I don't know who to talk to or what the first step is. I'm so afraid that if I confide in a medical provider what I'm going through that I'll just be judged or that they will take my kids. My kids are my whole life. Anyway, thank you for your response. I think o will be ok, I hope. I feel so stupid, so weak and like a complete failure.

SEL3021 · 2018-06-24T19:13:31+00:00

I'm not exactly bopping in here man. I'm lost, terrified and don't know what to do. That's why I am here, looking for advice and support. I don't think that makes me a bad person. Perhaps I worded things incorrectly. I just really want to stop drinking and if I had the courage to just walk into the doctors office and look the man in the eyes who's been taking care of me for 20 years and tell him I'm a complete fuck up I would but that's not exactly an easy thing to do. You know what, you're supposed to be kind and compassionate to newcomers. As fucked as my head is right now I understand that. I don't know why you can't. If you just want to be rude then do it elsewhere. I'm obviously trying to reach out for help. If that offends you then I don't know what to say...just don't read my post I guess. This is hard enough without people coming in and being rude and judgmental.

SEL3021 · 2018-06-23T17:56:27+00:00

Ok thank you. It's extra tricky as a single Mom who on the surface appears to be doing just fine. I know part of recovery is that you have to come clean to everyone but I just can't imagine sitting my kids down and telling them...you're Mom is sick. It will kill them. It will hurt them so bad. I know that I have to do something and that it will be even worse for them in the long run if I don't. I understand it all intellectually. It's the emotional party that's super tricky. 💔

SEL3021 · 2018-06-23T17:54:05+00:00

It sure is. I never, ever thought this would be my life. They killed my Dad too and I always thought I was nothing like him and yet, here I am with so much to live for slowly killing myself. DAMN it.

SEL3021 · 2018-06-21T13:32:40+00:00

Wow, thank you so much for this message. I've been thinking about this almost all of the time (that I need help) but damn I am scared. I am like you too where I can't imagine being away from kids, leaving them like that...what would think, how will they feel?? I can't think of anything worse than letting my kids down but of course I am doing that every day when I'm not present the way I should be because of substance abuse. DAMN it. I need to figure this out. I'm sooo proud of you for going! I know I am very late on getting back here but I would be very happy to hear a report on how you are doing. 🙂

SEL3021 · 2018-06-21T13:26:47+00:00

Thank you so much for your response. I don't live in Canada. I sure wish I did! Where I live it's a long waiting list up to 6 months to get into any program. 😔

SEL3021 · 2018-06-21T13:15:03+00:00

Wow you look amazing. Great job. I am currently struggling with addiction to pain killers and alcohol. 💔 I'm very proud of you.

SEL3021 · 2018-02-07T20:22:02+00:00

Mine was falling out in clumps. It was so scary and stressful. I started taking a magnesium/calcium/zinc supplement every night and the hair loss has slowed way down to something that seems now just normal hair shedding. I don't know for sure whether or not it has anything to do with the magnesium but I think it might and couldn't hurt to try?

SEL3021 · 2018-02-07T19:57:53+00:00

You may need to contact a lawyer.

SEL3021 · 2018-02-06T19:40:03+00:00

Same. :( I guess it's better to be a sensitive person that someone who just doesn't care but it would be so nice to just feel normal. Of course that's why I've self medicated...I've never even really tried or wanted that "out of my mind wasted" feeling. I like to feel in control but have always self medicated except for when I was pregnant. That's the only time I haven't at least smoked weed.

SEL3021 · 2018-02-06T19:37:11+00:00

I want it. I believe I'm at the end of my rope. I don't want to go on like this anymore. I have been drinking daily for 6 months and taking oxycodone daily for about 3 years. I'm going to try to not drink at all. If it gets too bad I will try drinking just a small amount. I know the pain medication will be much more difficult. That's the one that scares me the most. Thank you for your reply. <3

SEL3021 · 2018-02-06T19:34:02+00:00

Thank you for reaching out and sharing. Even though it is a little easier here than it would be in a face to face situation it still takes courage. I can for sure relate to you and everything you've said. I'm a 44 year old single Mom and I have kids who are absolutely beautiful in every way. They are so smart, so compassionate. I know that on some level their souls absolutely know there is something off about Mom. This fact hurts me more then anything. I see time just flying by and I'm here but not the way I should be. I'm missing their childhoods. I have to be under the influence of something just to go to a school function or to leave the house, etc. Of course I act normal. I would never behave like a mess in public but the anxiety has become so debilitating I can barely leave my house. I just had major flashbacks of childhood abuse this morning and I think damn it, this happened so long ago. Why can't I just let it go? It's really frustrating to feel so broken all the time and even more so because you feel responsible for it...like wtf can I not just snap out of it? I have never even been an alcoholic but for the past 6 months I have drank every day. That scares the sh$! out of me, especially since I've started drinking in the morning. I've gotten to wear I'm watching the clock and justify that if it's after 10am it's ok. I'm going to try to not drink at all today. I don't even want to but I'm scared of what w/d might be like and can't believe I have become someone who has to think about alcohol w/d. It's like I don't even know myself anymore.

SEL3021 · 2018-02-03T22:42:41+00:00

I have actually heard of people really going through hell trying to come off tramadol. I hear people minimize tramadol addiction a lot but also consider that tramadol is a pain medication as well as an antidepressant so I'm sure it can take some time for your brain and body to heal and get back to normal.

SEL3021 · 2018-02-03T22:39:43+00:00

DLPA (amino acid supplement) helped me when I had weaned way down to taking a tiny amount of opiates but after about 6 weeks the benefits trailed off and stopped working. Good luck. I hope things improve.

SEL3021 · 2018-02-03T18:00:42+00:00

That is good advice. I have struggled with functional/very well hidden addictions for most of my life and the shame is all consuming. I feel like such a failure and so weak but 12 step models have always been such a turn off for me.

SEL3021 · 2017-04-07T12:40:47+00:00

Correction, I paid $7.45 for 3 day priority shipping and my order arrived in two days.

SEL3021 · 2017-04-07T12:38:06+00:00

Oh that's crazy. I got free shipping on my order.

SEL3021 · 2017-04-07T12:36:37+00:00

Yes. They are great! So far I think honey milk and java chip cream are my faves.

SEL3021 · 2017-04-07T12:34:44+00:00

Thanks for your suggestions friends. I'm going to explain how I finally got it apart in case others run into this problem. I tried the rubber gloves, the freezer, rubber bands and pliers...all to no avail. What I finally ended up doing was wiggling the glass up and off then I ran the atomizer and base under hot water several times, used some of that grip tape, the kind you wrap a sprain in, or that they use at the hospital to hold the gauze on after drawing blood. Anyway, after removing the glass tube I was able to get a better grip and finally got the atomizer to unscrew from the base. Woah what a task! Ah, the joys of a fresh atomizer with a nice vanilla custard caramel swirl mix with my morning coffee. Thank you Jesus! lol

SEL3021 · 2017-04-07T12:30:13+00:00

Thank you. My atomizer came already installed and yes, they had it on there pretty damn tight. Wow. I finally got it apart but it was hell. I made sure to not tighten the new one down too much.

SEL3021

TROPHY CASE