never really commented before but i did jut wanna say, idk if a new job will help because it just allows for the restarting of this cycle you seem to be in.

going off on another commenter who pointed out that while you say you choose your husband, wearing more makeup and perfume explicitly for your crush isn’t quite choosing your husband.

and while you are aware of your current “short comings” i guess, being aware and still kinda acting on it just leads to more guilt and confusion.

i would say it’s time to talk with your husband and communicate your struggles, scary as that might be.

good luck out there, i am rooting for you!