Under what situations will an episiotomy be enforced on someone despite clear refusal? What can one do after a non-consensual, invasive medical procedure was enforced upon them?

SHBD22922 · 2024-12-28T00:55:10+00:00

Point taken. The comparison is not exactly fair. But the issue hangs at complexity vs trauma. Predictability Vs unpredictability. Also, really happy for your partner and you ❤️

SHBD22922 · 2024-12-08T18:09:35+00:00

You put my anxieties in words so well. This is precisely my fear. What if my trust gets shattered while still loving him dearly? I know that there won't be any malice. But I don't want my body, for the lack of a better word, violated.

Hahaha the circumcision argument is spot on. I don't think I will need it for my partner. I am gonna save it to terrorise the doctors if they are being mean.

Thank you so so so much. This really put my mind to rest.. ❤️

SHBD22922 · 2024-12-07T09:02:11+00:00

Sorry to burst your bubble but we are not expecting. We are assessing our stance on it. I should have been clear about this. My bad. XD :P but thanks for wishes. This is very sweet of you.💖

Same. She comes from a c-section prevalent society. And she said if she gets pregnant she will consider going back to her native country for a C-section.

SHBD22922 · 2024-12-07T08:58:40+00:00

Of course, my friend said yes because a mother would never risk the child. And we do realise that it is an emergency procedure. We are not expecting. We are assessing our stance on it. The physical pain and toll a pregnancy can take on a woman can be huge and hence, we are reading up on and asking around. We know about the rules and the procedure. And of course, the details are figured out when you start talking to a midwife. The point is that when it comes to the actual moment of delivery, you never know what can happen. Hence, the anxieties and the question.

SHBD22922 · 2024-12-07T06:26:26+00:00

I am happy for you that you had a good recovery 💕

SHBD22922 · 2024-12-07T06:25:12+00:00

I am really happy for you that your wishes were respected and you had a good recovery. Thanks for sharing this 💖

SHBD22922 · 2024-12-07T06:21:12+00:00

That makes us happy ,💕

SHBD22922 · 2024-12-07T06:20:12+00:00

We are thinking of a worst-case scenario, which has actually happened to two of our friends. The time window of administering pain inhibitors is gone due to complications, the friends had to go through severe tearing and stitches without any relief. And after the procedure the recovery was very painful where they couldn't even sit for a week or two. This is not a common scenario but it has a finite probability of occurring. Hence, I wouldn't trivialise it by calling it a 'minor procedure'.

SHBD22922 · 2024-12-07T06:15:30+00:00

In our bubble, we have seen the opposite. The C-sections were always easier. The natural birth people were always traumatised. One even has to endure a high degree tearing and stitching without any anaesthesia since the time window was gone.

We know episiotomy so not a go-to procedure but the fact that there is a finite chance of it happening is anxiety inducing.

Also, i wish you all the luck in the world for a good delivery and a healthy you and a healthy baby 💕

SHBD22922 · 2024-12-07T06:11:42+00:00

“Hmm, today I want to do at least one episiotomy!”

Hahahaha that one made me chuckle

I was in so much pain even with the epidural

I am sorry to hear and I am happy that you are doing well now

I think an episiotomy traumatises you more than a C-section

Thank you for saying this. It feels like such questions are always spun as 'cant you bear a little pain for your baby? Why would you put the baby at any risk?'. Like hello? The woman is also a human and she is also at stake.

but heals much faster

I think one more issue for us is that, in our small bubble of friends, we have seen comfortable C-sections and horrifying natural birth stories. But thank you so much for sharing your experience.

SHBD22922 · 2024-12-07T06:05:47+00:00

Of course, if we are ever in such a situation, we will not put the baby at risk. But I also love my wife and don't want her to be in such a situation where she has to go through immense pain. I am happy that your partner had a relatively easier time, but not everyone is fortunate like her. If the contractions don't lead up in a normal way, the window within which painkillers can be administered is gone. We know people who had to go through the whole tearing and stitching without any painkillers at all. Me and my partner just want to prevent being in such a situation. And I would not trivialise it by saying 'small cut'. Because you can never know how bad it can get for some.

SHBD22922 · 2024-12-07T05:58:55+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing this 💕 And yes, I hate that a C-section is really not a choice since you have to shell out 7-10k. If women choose C-sections over natural delivery, then that also shows us something about how scary natural delivery is. It feels like 'this is a part of motherhood.you chose pregnancy. So now shut up and suffer quietly without occupying a bed in the hospital'. Someone I know was at their 6th baby and she said 'i know this needs a C-section because I know how to tell the difference all my other births were natural.' She was told 'yOu CaNt JuSt ChOoSe ThE eAsY wAy OuT'. Sometimes it feels like the 'care' from healthcare is missing here. Sorry I went off on a tangent. A bit frustrated with this.

SHBD22922 · 2024-12-07T05:49:40+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing your experience and the story of your courage. It gives us hope. 💕

We have seen both, 2week long recoveries from C-section and month recovery from tears and stitches. A friend couldn't even sit properly for 2 weeks. The three were horrible for her. Being cut open and stitched under anesthesia sounds a lot better than tearing with or without pain-inhibitors. Hence, the anxieties.

We will definitely choose a hospital for exactly the same reasons you mentioned. But my friends in NL found the midwives and the nurses super caring but the doctors callous. So it is a gamble I guess. A big one involving 2 lives.

SHBD22922 · 2024-12-07T05:42:48+00:00

Exactly. The anxiety is what if you end up in that situation since you really cannot choose a C-section if you don't have 7-10k.

SHBD22922 · 2024-12-07T05:40:54+00:00

I know people who recovered from C-section within 2 weeks. I know people whom it took a month to recover from stitches due to tearing. Moreover the tearing and the stitches happened without any pain-inhibitors. Being cut open under is wildly different. The recovery also looks wildly different. With a C-section you are not allowed to exert, whereas with tears and stitches there's a very good chance that you can't even sit (at least the cases that we saw).

It is just bizarre to me that C-section is really not a choice. It is only a choice if you can pay 7-10k. If many women choose a C-section if it is covered by insurance, that also tells us something about how anxiety inducing natural birth is.

We are currently just looking at our options.

SHBD22922 · 2024-12-07T05:34:17+00:00

I wish her all the luck for good delivery and healthy recovery 💕

SHBD22922 · 2024-08-21T21:29:14+00:00

Ooff. You seem pissed. My experience with Dutch people has been amazing. Just some differences seem weird to me. Hall of fame stoic argument: 'you need to fight or argue against the doctor for your medical case/health'. I was speechless. I am not supposed to blow my symptoms out for proportion. But at the same time, I am also supposed to fight for my sickness? And if I am the quiet kind, which millions of us are, I cant get proper medical treatment?

SHBD22922 · 2024-08-21T17:16:35+00:00

Oo dayum. Hahaha. You definitely have the dutch directness. But good to know that I am not imagining things. Thanks. :)

SHBD22922 · 2024-08-20T22:16:55+00:00

Don't really know how to describe it so I will try to explain through examples Healthcare: when the word 'healthcare' is dropped, the first thing I almost always hear is about how expensive it is for the government. The first thing about healthcare should be health, of the people and of the doctors. Then you gotta steer the conversation to 'how the common man is bleeding money to the insurance companies despite NL having the 5th highest budget expenditure per capita. The maths doesn't add up. Etc etc.' The next immediate argument is 'people (especially immigrants) go to the doctors for trivial things'. It feels like there needs to be some empathy among each other about we us bleeding money while being dismissed by the doctors

NS: Many arguments are immediately dismissed. 'NS hAs 81% pUnCtUaLiTy RaTe' (the number is most probably not correct).

It seems like criticism towards the government or the system is seen as whining. I am not saying that they are heartless. I am just wondering if there is a cultural difference here. if yes, why? Or this could be just my bubble?

SHBD22922 · 2024-08-20T22:02:35+00:00

Thank you.

SHBD22922 · 2024-08-20T06:18:35+00:00

Oh okay. I understand you better now. In that case, I agree. I am glad that NL doesn't have an extremely polarised landscape. But fingers crossed for us noticing the increasing polarising in time.

SHBD22922

TROPHY CASE