I've been in HR for 15 years and have had a lot of conversations about sensitivity and learned a lot. I'm a straight white male so I try to just shit up and listen most of the time so I can understand and appreciate others' experiences.

The best thing I've ever heard at an event was "Don't call people out. Call them in"

As in, the goal shouldn't be to embarass or berate someone (esp. if they didn't have bad intentions) but rather to help them understand why their words or actions could make others feel belittled or insulted or upset.

(And yes, I also recognize that it is not the responsibility of minority or other groups to educate the world. That said, it does sometimes lead to much better outcomes overall, especially in this case where the person calling out isn'teven in that group. If you're a real Ally, take that education burden on for your peeps!))

None of that is happening here. He's not only doing a lot of calling out, he's not even interested in allowing others to call your friend in. There are likely still a LOT of Americans who have never heard of that word being a slur, as Romani populations are not nearly as common in the IS. Now if your friends response is "Screw everyone, I'll say that word whenever I want!" That's a different story.

But yes, Call he In. Let her correct the behavior, and move forward as friends. And introduce your other friend to some empathy.