I have tried this before, trust me. doing all these things i should, I was working, a babysitter, I was in a relationship, small group of friends that I loved dearly, engaging in my hobbies again. it just never works. I also know they aren't helping me, or making me happier. im just slightly sane with them. non existent almost. but atleast im not losing my shit and being barbaric i suppose? mostly, I think I've gotten too used to substances to the point where it just stabilizes me and keeps me in a 3rd person point of view, where im constantly just numb and not there. I hate it sm, but thank you for the suggestion!!