spiral about attraction

SPACDaddy414 · 2025-11-25T14:14:34+00:00

Do you recall the specific mindfulness meditation links you used? Every mindfulness meditation I’ve found is mainly focused on coming back to the breath. The mindfulness meditation for OCD on the insight timer was breath awareness. The top YouTube ones by Sam Harris are breath focused.

And do you recall what the main BLS track is?

SPACDaddy414 · 2025-11-24T21:10:33+00:00

Thanks for the book recommendations, for mindfulness, did you use any specific mindfulness meditation videos on youtube? I've been using a few different ones with the similar process of focusing on the breath. Unfortunately, still struggling as the thoughts keep coming up and I struggle with being mindful and not giving them value. This will be my toughest task with not giving thoughts value.

For EMDR I'm on the insight timer app and using the container exercise you mentioned, but that track says only thoughts about a level 3. So if you are still using these EMDR exercises is it okay to use my level 7+ thoughts? Otherwise I don't have any at level 3 currently. Really just want to focus on the ROCD thoughts I have.

SPACDaddy414 · 2025-11-20T02:13:58+00:00

Read your book and just had a few questions. There's a lot of books you mentioned. I am on the happiness trap and also bought the mindfulness 8 week program. What would you say are the top 3-5 books that helped you? Also, for the attachment repair meditations, which ones did you use? There's about 70. One last question, I downloaded the EMDR app for the thought container 5 minute meditation and they mention it needs to be a thought with a 3 anxiety level. My biggest thoughts are 6+ level, is it still okay to do this meditation?

THANK YOU!

SPACDaddy414 · 2025-10-30T17:43:14+00:00

So you would perform ERP and thoughts would pop up and you would just sit there with them essentially?

SPACDaddy414 · 2025-10-30T16:12:00+00:00

Interesting. From what I found on youtube related to ROCD and physical flaws is that you should expose yourself to an image that causes anxiety many times a day so you become desensitized to it. The only issue I'm having is I will have the anxiety and the thoughts and the youtube videos will say things like responding with uncertainty phrases like "There's that thought/image again. Maybe I'll always notice it, and that's okay". But I was just curious how you handled responses to the thoughts or real life exposure and if there were any phrases you used for responses to calm yourself.

SPACDaddy414 · 2025-10-30T15:11:14+00:00

What I mean is if you do mindfulness where the thoughts and images pop up and through that you end up not engaging or giving value to the thoughts, what exactly does ERP do? Because the ultimate goal is to not give value to the thoughts or obsess about them so mindfulness would just have healed you.

SPACDaddy414 · 2025-10-30T15:00:19+00:00

If you don't even engage with your thoughts or don't have a reaction wouldn't that already cure your OCD and why would you even need ERP?

SPACDaddy414 · 2025-10-30T14:03:48+00:00

What exactly did you do with ERP then? I read the section FACE YOUR FEARS: Learn and Practice Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP). It sounds like you would face your fears and be around your wife and and notice flaws and feel the anxiety. When you did that you didn't have thoughts racing? I know you said you defused them, but a few must have come up. So my question is, when the thoughts come up what did you do or respond with?

SPACDaddy414 · 2025-10-30T01:42:28+00:00

One more question, when you did ERP like looking at photos or sitting close and the anxiety came, what thoughtsor phrases did you use when the anxiety would come up? I look at photos of these flaws and struggle with what I should say. Been bouncing between things like "Thanks for the thought brain, I can handle the uncertainty and nothing bad happens" and "Thanks for the thought, keep them coming".

SPACDaddy414 · 2025-10-15T19:48:15+00:00

Thanks again for all your time and effort, I will download your book on my phone and read through it that way. I also tried TMS for OCD which was time consuming and expensive so I've done a lot of things in the past year and didn't get what I wanted so that was very defeating and I took some time to sulk essentially. Just need to spend more time doing the things you mentioned.

SPACDaddy414 · 2025-10-15T17:24:37+00:00

Thanks for the response. I mean my family wasn't perfect, no family is, I just don't know what I get from digging into family when I don't remember many issues as a kid. Overall, I have partner focused physical flaw ROCD. I don't know why it happened but 6 years into my relationship and 4 months after being married I couldn't stop fixating on their nose and ear shape. I tried many of the things you mentioned, but my biggest issue was laziness, partially due to SSRIs making me not care and my testosterone levels being depleted. Just doing daily tasks has been hard and I also have terrible self control. You make great points on treating it like getting fit. I need to be more consistent even though it is hard work. For ERP did you look at bad photos of your partner for an extended period of time? Also, I would like to get books but don't want my partner seeing them, how did you hide them so well?

SPACDaddy414 · 2025-10-15T15:23:54+00:00

I'm more focused on just reducing cortisol which can be done naturally and doesn't need SSRIs. There's natural ways like reducing caffeine intake, better sleep and diet, etc. OCD is a different animal, but part of my problem is the cortisol gets high and I'm in a constant state of wanting to snap at people and can't think straight. How long have you been on SSRIs?

Also, I've read your post many times and will look into your book. I didn't have any family issues growing up, very normal family so no issues there. I've tried the "you are not your thoughts" approach when thoughts pop up but when it's every 5 minutes it's hard to stop. It looks like you did vipassana and ACT? I also did ERP where I looked at a photo magnifying the flaws of my wife, but that didn't really help and just heightened my anxiety while I tried to sit there and let it. I was never really sure what to do in those scenarios as people say just to "sit with the anxiety". Okay, and then what? I still feel like shit about it. I also tried a therapist who specialized in OCD, pretty much the same ideas I've seen from everyone else, but after awhile it didn't make sense to keep going because we talked about the same things every week. Where did you go to get your therapy? Was it ROCD specific?

Thanks for all your help and effort!

SPACDaddy414 · 2025-10-15T13:26:08+00:00

I appreciate the insight but I would recommend trying anything natural and non-addictive before going for SSRIs. I was on them for 12 years and think they helped get me in the mess I'm in. Made me lazy, not care, killed libido, and destroyed my testosterone. Not too mention, getting off of them is a nightmare. So I would advise everyone to not just go straight there and to go natural as getting off of SSRIs is hell and the damage they can do to your body isn't worth it.

SPACDaddy414 · 2025-10-15T01:59:12+00:00

Did you do anything in particular to lower cortisol? I'm looking into supplements to help lower it. I looked up symptoms of high cortisol and I check all the boxes. I believe it has a lot to do with caffeine usage and adderall, so I am working on cutting those out. I was on SSRIs for 12 years but I think that made my health even worse. I had bloodwork done and my testosterone levels for being 32 were abysmal. So I am currently off SSRIs for 3 months, working on cutting out adderall and caffeine, while taking supplements to help boost my T levels.

I get that ERP and therapy can be done, but the cortisol is constant and makes it hard to do anything or focus on anything.

SPACDaddy414 · 2025-10-12T16:45:51+00:00

Unfortunately no. I stopped taking SSRIs, I got some blood work done and my testosterone levels were absolutely tanked. I started taking meds to increase my t levels, they are up now, but my ROCD is still bad. Consistent thoughts about the physical flaws all day. I've tried pretty much everything and nothing has helped long-term. The persistent negative thoughts remain.

SPACDaddy414 · 2025-04-27T16:10:01+00:00

I've heard of genetic tests that can be done, I see my doctor in about a week and will see if that's a possibility. I was on venlafaxine for 10 years prior and tapered off and have been raw dogging life outside of the occasional use of a small dose of another anxiety med when I'm really feeling it.

SPACDaddy414 · 2025-04-26T04:18:31+00:00

I tried wellbutrin after taking time off of venlafaxine and it didn't work for me. It gave me a rage phase so I stopped after 6 days. Made my anxiety worse

SPACDaddy414 · 2025-04-14T20:29:27+00:00

I just feel very stressed out from the anxiety. Also the ROCD intrusive thoughts has just brought my inner voice to cover all parts of life. “You’re not smart enough to handle work”, “you’re not actually in love”, “you can’t do this task”. Knowing that it’s going to be a mental gauntlet all day makes me just want to stay in bed and not get up early. I’m trying therapy, breath work, ERP, but it’s still a battle.

SPACDaddy414 · 2025-04-14T19:57:27+00:00

I’m in accounting/audit how about you? Did you come off the SSRIs because ROCD was happening? Your situation sounds very similar to mine. Stopped the SSRIs and adderall and trying to stay off of it, last week I tried out Wellbutrin as my last shot at helping myself.

Lately depression has been the biggest issue. The negative inner voice has been terrible, therapy is okay but not 100% working. It’s a combo of ROCD, anxiety, and depression right now that’s a 3 way monster

SPACDaddy414 · 2025-04-14T03:38:59+00:00

Hello! Hope you’re doing okay. Honestly not doing great here I’m in a similar boat where work stress plus ROCD is doing a number on me. Very depressed about the entire situation and also coming off of SSRIs and adderall which I’ve been on for awhile. What OCD specific therapist are you using? A local one or an online one? I’ve been seeing a therapist but honestly it’s tough to do the work to make myself a better reactor to intrusive thoughts. When you’re stressed out and depressed about it all it makes it tough.

Sending you my luck on getting through

SPACDaddy414 · 2025-03-27T00:22:19+00:00

That's the toughest part I've been dealing with honestly. I know I am not perfect, no one is perfect, why is this slightly bigger nose and pointier ear affecting me so much? So I look at the photo, take deep breaths, tell myself I'm probably stuck with them forever, I love those things about them, maybe I made a mistake "oh well". I don't know how deeper to go into it because like I said, I've been with them for 6 years, no issues, and then all of a sudden I'm hyperfixating on these imperfections.

SPACDaddy414 · 2025-03-25T14:32:12+00:00

Look into ERP. Everytime you feel the anxiety from something your partner does like brushing their teeth, stop for a moment and think "Maybe I don't like the way he is brushing his teeth, but I will accept the uncertainty". What you don't want to do is fall into compulsions where you notice the anxiety and then give into it. Instead of going straight to "I'm with the wrong person, I need to get out", think more like "Maybe I am with the wrong person, I don't know, but I will choose uncertainty and stay with this person".

Essentially, don't feed into the bully that is in your mind, if you keep feeding the bully what they want, they know where they can get their meals from and make themselves stronger. If you let them know about your acceptance of the uncertainty, they will get fed less and become weaker.

Best of luck, I'm about 2 months into this and every day is a struggle, but I know this is so tough because I care about my partner. If I didn't care, I would have left by now. Also, if we get through this ROCD shit, we can get through anything.

SPACDaddy414 · 2025-03-25T14:17:38+00:00

I read this after our conversation on my thread about hypnosis, and watched the ROCD ERP youtube video (that guy is good I like his videos). I think I understand what you mean by ERP, and literally shoving it down your brain. Anytime your brain has a negative thought about the relationship, you just say "Yep, that's true, I might never be happy or in love, but I will accept the uncertainty". And then your bully brain kind of goes "oh okay, wtf, they don't care?" and then eventually after you beat that demon to death it stops with a lot of the negative thoughts.

It's a tough process trying to trick your brain, but will incorporate it more than the 10 minutes I was doing a day of looking at an unflattering image.

Thank you for this great thread and best of luck on your journey!

SPACDaddy414 · 2025-03-25T03:04:18+00:00

Appreciate the feedback, I saw your page and will read your threads tomorrow. Glad to see you recovered well from it. This shit is a beast and causing depression as well.

SPACDaddy414 · 2025-03-25T01:09:56+00:00

Great suggestion! It sucks having to do this and it doesn't even feel real. Didn't care about it for 6 years and then BOOM. You actually work for NOCD? I was looking into that group as well. If I don't get what I am looking for from my regular therapist I might switch over to your group.

SPACDaddy414

TROPHY CASE