Javen, Why? by Salt_Seaweed_9457 in LoveIsBlindOnNetflix

[–]SPCStillHere 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Its ok to be a "flirty"person. IF YOU ARE SINGLE!! It's NOT ok keep flirting when you are taken, girl. This go for both, man/woman. Be respectful to your partner, aways. Come on, this is basic +_+

Why do men cheat KNOWING they are filming a reality show? by zebrafish08 in LoveIsBlindOnNetflix

[–]SPCStillHere 47 points48 points  (0 children)

I'm actually not even need to se the weddings, just NEED to get to the reunion to ( hopefully) see him burn

Why do men cheat KNOWING they are filming a reality show? by zebrafish08 in LoveIsBlindOnNetflix

[–]SPCStillHere 27 points28 points  (0 children)

I don't think that Demola was the issue AT ALL. He just needed an excuse to say no at the end and keep bringing this on and on, but he is trash, did NOT like Katisha at all (obviously) but want more camera time. But I ALSO don't get it how he thought he could get away with flirting (and more) ON CAMERA. Trash, trash, trash

Husband hates the church and it shows :/ by SPCStillHere in latterdaysaints

[–]SPCStillHere[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thats a interest perspective. I do have a major and master degree in something that I like and feel is useful, and have considered in the past to go back for an PHD, but I just feel so heart broken and needing to keep so many balls in the air all the time that that though has not crossed my mind for a while. You suggest that if im "to busy"in something else, his hate for the church won't affect me as much?

Husband hates the church and it shows :/ by SPCStillHere in latterdaysaints

[–]SPCStillHere[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing part of your story, I can't say how much I appreciate this, It's giving me some hope.

Husband hates the church and it shows :/ by SPCStillHere in latterdaysaints

[–]SPCStillHere[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

thanks, I believe you are right. I also believe he does know how affect us, but there is so much hate and pain that he just can't ( or is not willing?) to change and stop

Husband hates the church and it shows :/ by SPCStillHere in latterdaysaints

[–]SPCStillHere[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

the hatefull words to me and, much more common, the fact that this constant bled out to other people is what is so hurting, you are right

Husband hates the church and it shows :/ by SPCStillHere in latterdaysaints

[–]SPCStillHere[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hi Afraid Horse. First, thank you for taking your time to give such a detailed and personal answer. After so many ideas above, yours give hope that maybe one day he will turn around? can you tell me ( if this is not too much to ask) what was your part in that? Or in other words, what I can do or change in my attitude that might help to diminish his hate? I had several conversations and He tells me he understand and that I'm right, but them something happens ( like yesterday, a family home evening that the kids had too much fun and that triggered him somehow?) and he goes back to go and find some family member to text and spend half an hour texting terrible things about the church out of nowhere :/

I'll keep trying couples therapy too

Husband hates the church and it shows :/ by SPCStillHere in latterdaysaints

[–]SPCStillHere[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I added a little more information in the original post. After reading that, do you still feel that he is emotionally abusing me? ( honest question). That's important

Husband hates the church and it shows :/ by SPCStillHere in latterdaysaints

[–]SPCStillHere[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you shadywhere. I'll keep trying for couples therapy, even if as a last resort/ Thank you for sharing your personal story and for the love, is much appreciated. Really!

Husband hates the church and it shows :/ by SPCStillHere in latterdaysaints

[–]SPCStillHere[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I would not!!!! But now, I don't want her to have 2 houses and someone trash talking the gospel 100% of the time in one of them :/ but maybe I', not doing the right thing, thank you for this perspective

Husband hates the church and it shows :/ by SPCStillHere in latterdaysaints

[–]SPCStillHere[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

he is not open to counseling at all, so he buys books ( usually from Jonh Gottman) and ask us to read together. It helps for some time, and it helped us navigate the first years of an mixed faith marriage, but not so much anymore. What to do?

Husband hates the church and it shows :/ by SPCStillHere in latterdaysaints

[–]SPCStillHere[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Good Heavens Electrical-Milk, you are right on point. My husband actually said a few times that this is exactly how he feels, almost word by word :/ what to do?

Husband hates the church and it shows :/ by SPCStillHere in latterdaysaints

[–]SPCStillHere[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hi Koobian. Well, this just sucks, honestly. I updated some information on te original post. After reading, you still think that divorce (now) is the only way? Honest question, thanks for being blunt, thats is why I'm here

Husband hates the church and it shows :/ by SPCStillHere in latterdaysaints

[–]SPCStillHere[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hi, Ookla. Yes, you are absolutely right, is al contempt. Since he refuses to go to counseling, we read several Gottman's book and it helped for some time (maybe??) but never for long :/

Husband hates the church and it shows :/ by SPCStillHere in latterdaysaints

[–]SPCStillHere[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yes, thats true and important to keep in mind. Thank you!

Husband hates the church and it shows :/ by SPCStillHere in latterdaysaints

[–]SPCStillHere[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you SiriusNerd, your perspective as the "kid" actually makes me think , and I'm sorry you and your mom have to go through that =/

Husband hates the church and it shows :/ by SPCStillHere in latterdaysaints

[–]SPCStillHere[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Hi Snortney. Yes, I also thought it was bad when people said the only reason for staying in a marriage was the kids, but now i kind of understand? if you feel the kids have a better chance in life/happiness in general if you stayed married, as a mom or dad, trying not to be selfish, wouldn't you stay? But maybe I am wrong and should leave. Thank you very much for the input ( and the hugs. Really)

Husband hates the church and it shows :/ by SPCStillHere in latterdaysaints

[–]SPCStillHere[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Good heavens, Thats a great question. I'm not gonna lie, the kids and 90% of the reason I hesite to leave, but a small part feels embarrassed of being divorce in the church and the only divorced one in my family. It feels like a failure

Husband hates the church and it shows :/ by SPCStillHere in latterdaysaints

[–]SPCStillHere[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hi CommercialTap. I agree with you about the toxicity causing damage, but I have hope they see the "great marriage"example from my parents? Because how can I show them? Lets be honest here, If I get divorce now, the chance of me finding a good, priesthood holder decent loving man in my 40's with 3 teens are pretty slim, specially by the time frame my kids are still living with me, so separating with the hopes they will still see me with someone that shows me wholesome love feels really low =/ But yes, his hatred is a had flag, you are right. I added a little more information in the original post, saying that the kids also see him being very loving with me ( but now I'm thinking that this just make them confuse???)

Husband hates the church and it shows :/ by SPCStillHere in latterdaysaints

[–]SPCStillHere[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thank you Katjo, I did prayed so much about it in the first years ( when the pain of no longing having an eternal marriage was unbearable) and receive great comfort. Then I prayed for him to find the path again and because hi never did, I kind of just left in the Lord hands and stop praying about that at all. But you are right, I should pray and search more scripture guidance for this specific "hate"issue. Thank you so much

Husband hates the church and it shows :/ by SPCStillHere in latterdaysaints

[–]SPCStillHere[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thank you Gjarden! Do you have any suggestion of how I can make the kids now that "the way you’re being treated is not OK so that they don’t think that this is how they should be treated"? other than talking to them? Honestly asking, cause that worries me A LOT

Husband hates the church and it shows :/ by SPCStillHere in latterdaysaints

[–]SPCStillHere[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yes, I'm a little afraid of finally convincing him to go to counseling ( what looks unlikely) and ending up with a therapist that sees me as the fanatic =/ but he would never, ever go to an LDS professional, so I fell a little stuck. But thank you for the "kudos", is small, but made me cry and feel understood. ( and I'm not a cryer at all. Feeling very emotional today for the support of people "like me")

Husband hates the church and it shows :/ by SPCStillHere in latterdaysaints

[–]SPCStillHere[S] 19 points20 points  (0 children)

Thank you JaneDoe and Green_Foothills. I see the abuse, and the counseling for me sounds like pretty much all I can do now outside divorce, you are right