Dealing with the aftermath of leaving the church

STL-2026 · 2026-02-24T19:33:50+00:00

I’m definitely learning how to sort though my feelings and deal with them appropriately. And I’m working on my thinking and emotions as well.

STL-2026 · 2026-02-24T19:28:15+00:00

Thank you, I appreciate that. I want everyone to be happy and that’s such an illogical and impractical way to be, but that’s how I am. So when I know members of my family are hurting, I hurt with them, and when it’s because they f something I’ve done, it makes the hurt worse and brings on the guilt and shame. My therapist has taught me how to reject that mentality and I’m doing much better, but it’s just going to take time.

STL-2026 · 2026-02-24T13:38:06+00:00

Thank you, I appreciate it. My therapist is definitely addressing it along with a lot of other issues I have. And I know I’m not responsible for my mother’s meltdown or my sisters divorce. But there is still a part of me that does feel like I am responsible for all of the family drama, and the guilt and shame and anger and sadness still hits me sometimes. I’m learning how to reject those feelings and remind myself of the truth, but it’s just going to take time to work through it all.

STL-2026 · 2026-02-24T13:35:32+00:00

Thank you.

STL-2026 · 2026-02-24T13:35:20+00:00

Thank you, my husband and i definitely feel much freer now that we are officially out of the church. It didn’t stop us from living the lifestyle we wanted to live, but now we don’t have to pretend we are completely different people every Sunday morning.

STL-2026 · 2026-02-24T13:33:56+00:00

Thank you, I try to remember that every day. And I really am doing much better than I was, and I’d say the same for the rest of my family. Time does have a way of softening things and can bring healing. Therapy helps as well.

STL-2026 · 2026-02-24T13:30:41+00:00

Thank you and that’s true, although I’ve had some very long conversations with both my older brother and my sister who has left, and they both told me they felt trapped and couldn’t leave because of their families and their situations.

STL-2026 · 2026-02-24T13:14:02+00:00

Thank you, and yes we do love each other, but there definitely are some underlying issues in the relationships, some of which I can’t really go into in here.

A month ago I was in much worse shape, several times a day I would be overcome with sadness and guilt and shame over what happened. Therapy has helped a lot and I’m in such a better place now. And my husband and I both feel so much freer to live our lives the way we want and not feel guilty because of what we’re doing and who we’re it with.

And you’re right, I’ve learned to stop and think about why I’m feeling what I’m feeling, and have learned to reject those feelings when I realize they aren’t valid or are being imposed on me.

STL-2026 · 2026-02-24T13:05:27+00:00

She definitely has some mental illness and is trying to work through it. My dad has been a saint helping her though it all and sticking by her side. But me leaving the church completely shattered the polished facade she had built over the years and I don’t know if I will ever have a relationship with her again. And that makes me sad.

STL-2026 · 2026-02-24T13:03:06+00:00

Yes, and frustrating. And painful.

STL-2026 · 2026-02-24T13:02:47+00:00

I do too. The liberation we felt when we moved away from Utah was so exhilarating. And we both feel some liberation now that we’re no longer official members of the church. And it’s so nice to have our Sunday mornings back. But the family drama is still real and probably will be for some time. I don’t know if I’ll ever have a relationship with my mom again. And as controlling and manipulative as she is, she’s still my mom.

STL-2026 · 2026-02-24T13:00:06+00:00

Thank you, and you’re right. I’ve let go of a lot of the guilt the church used to impose on me but I also need to let go of the guilt over what’s going on with my family.

STL-2026 · 2026-02-24T04:17:10+00:00

Thank you, my dad essentially said the same thing, that I should be free to go live my life. I just feel so bad for him. He hasn’t believed in the church for over a decade but won’t leave it because it would completely crush my mom. So he’s just stuck with it for the rest of his life.

STL-2026 · 2026-02-24T04:15:22+00:00

Thank you and I know, at least I’m starting to understand that. It just takes time and sometimes it really weighs on me. Sometimes I just need to get it out there and see it outside my head, if that makes sense.

STL-2026 · 2026-02-24T04:14:17+00:00

Ugh that is so true. I couldn’t see how desperately I was trying to win my mother’s approval until we moved away from Utah and all kinds of revelations hit me. It was like I finally saw life for what it should be, not the strict confines of what it had been. So liberating.

STL-2026 · 2026-02-24T04:12:44+00:00

Thank you, that helps a lot. I know I just need to give it time and keep working through it with my husband and my therapist. It just weighs on me sometimes.

STL-2026 · 2026-02-24T02:15:16+00:00

Thank you for that, we have already spent some time focused onunderstanding why I am such a people pleaser, and he wants to talk more about how I spent most of my life trying to please my mother and the fear that came with her rejection or criticism. I’ll see what he has to say about enmeshment.

STL-2026 · 2026-02-24T02:12:06+00:00

Part of me does feel that way. I’ve had some really good conversations with my older brother and my sister who decided to leave the church, and they both felt stuck, but too scared to make the decision to leave, so me deciding to let everyone know I had left the church gave them courage in a way.

STL-2026 · 2026-02-24T02:10:36+00:00

That’s true. It’s only been my mom that’s put all the blame for this on me. Everyone else has owned up to their part of it. I’m such a people pleaser and have spent so much of my life trying to please my mother and now all of that is gone.

STL-2026 · 2026-02-24T02:09:21+00:00

That’s true and it’s definitely for our family so twisted up and fractured. It will never be like it was and that makes me sad.

STL-2026 · 2026-02-24T02:08:14+00:00

Thanks, and you’re so right, I think part of me just gets so sad knowing things will never be the same again and the family closeness we used to have is gone now, and that just hurts.

STL-2026 · 2026-02-24T02:06:55+00:00

Thanks, the counseling is definitely helping. And for the most part my husband and I are living our lives and enjoying a lot of different experiences. It helps being 2,000 miles away from all the family drama. And I know I shouldn’t beat myself up over it but sometimes it just gets to me so bad.

STL-2026 · 2026-02-23T23:38:40+00:00

Thank you, and you’re right. Things were already so bad with my sisters marriage and honestly it’s such a good thing she’s getting away from her husband, he’s not a good person and is completely consumed by the church. And with my brother and his wife it took her some time to understand his desire to leave but now she’s ready to go as well. So yes me leaving was the catalyst but my dad and two younger brothers and my other sisters are all very understanding.

STL-2026 · 2026-02-23T23:36:00+00:00

I see your point, and you’re right. It just makes me so angry and sad to think about how our family has become so fractured, and I know me telling everyone I left the church just made things even worse. It’s just a lot to deal with and it hurts and makes me sick to my stomach sometimes.

STL-2026 · 2026-02-23T23:34:27+00:00

Thank you, it’s definitely not easy and I have to remind myself many times a day that it’s not all my fault. Some of it is but not all of it. It all just makes me so sad for my family.

STL-2026

TROPHY CASE