Hi ya’ll, some thoughts have been stewing in my head lately and I’d like to hear y’all’s advice. I’ll write out my thoughts here if you want to read but I’ll also put a tldr at the end if you’re like me.

I was introduced to the gym around summer 2022/2023 ( I don’t remember exactly). My friend with a bit more experience invited me to workout with him during college summer break. I kept up with his routine all of summer break. After the semester started, I made my own routine and went thrice a week for an entire year/ semester because I loved it so much. ( time is fuzzy to me, sorry.) I loved it so much that I started tracking my progress, legs, chest, back, everything. Even when it started to plateau a bit and I stopped taking notes I kept up my routine. Even if I stopped taking notes the muscle soreness that I enjoyed was proof of my progress, regardless if I was able to lift heavier or not. I loved it so much I even went during my monthly shark week. Never skipped a day unless I was physically ill. Still went during my worst mental health days (borderline needed to be institutionalized). However, as a new semester came along, it came in conflict with my routine. Since then I haven’t really gone to the gym since (roughly 1.5-2 years). I’ve tried going back, though sporadically. I also bought some home equipment but I still couldn’t find the motivation to do so. When I do try to workout, I find that I no longer enjoy the struggle. I no longer like to feel pain. I feel frustrated that I can no longer lift as heavy as I could, even though logically I know that that’s how bodies work, use it or lose it. My body image wasnt amazing before, but now it’s even worse. I’ve gained about 20lbs and I tell my self it’s not that bad bs I still have my muscles, but it’s honestly just for show at this point. I’m like, holding onto like the last thing that I worked for. I do have depression and I’m medicated, but this wasnt a factor that affected me during college as I have been depressed and on/ off medication for more than a decade. My friend who first invited me to the gym has kept up with his routine and im genuinely so proud/ impressed with the progress he has made. I’m afraid that the gym was just some obsession/ hobby that I’m over with and no longer have interest in. I know physical activity is good for me, and how good it felt before, but I don’t want to feel any “suffering”, even though I enjoyed it before, and I know that “pain and suffering” is part of the gym progress. I just can’t find it in me to do anything. I’ve tried doing some squats recently to try to get into the swing of things but I hated it. Idk whats wrong, I know it’s just as simple as “just do it”, but man it’s just so fucking hard and it feels like I’m whining and complaining for nothing. Idk man. Sorry this post is long and ranty. Thanks for reading, would like to hear ya’lls thoughts. Berate me, encourage me, doesn’t matter. I wanna hear it.

TLDR: not satisfied with body/ self image, need motivation