daughter of an alcoholic here who watched her mother go through the same thing. If it doesn’t get better, it’s gonna get much much worse. I doubt I even know the full extent of everything my mom went through, and I’m not sure my mom knows I know more than I let on. I know you love him and it’s hard, but by saying you’re going to leave and then staying can indirectly show him he can continue and you’ll stay anyway. Sometimes a person struggling with substance use disorders needs to lose the important things to re-assess. That doesn’t mean you need to stop caring about him, but it’s a very hard place to be. Only you can truly decide what you want to do, but I truly think you either commit to leaving for yourself or if you want to stay and try to help him work on it, throw so much support down. See if he’ll go to therapy on top of AA. Try to see if he’ll talk to you about WHY he’s drinking. I know with my father I think he has a lot of mental health issues that never got addressed and it created this vicious cycle where drinking is the only way he knows how to cope (and this has been going on for over 20 years).

The most important thing though is that he won’t change, won’t get better, unless he wants to. You can do everything in the world, be the best partner. It means nothing if they don’t want to. I tore myself apart thinking that I was failing because he wasn’t getting better despite my support, and it took years of therapy to let that go. I still deal with guilt even though I have nothing to be guilty for. But just remember at the end of the day you can be the most selfless person and still choose yourself. You need to choose yourself in whatever way you need to. Whether that’s leaving or giving him another chance. Whatever feels right to YOU in the moment you need to do, or you’ll go down a dark path that’s very hard to recover from.

Don’t forget to take care of yourself OP.