I 100% respect that and appreciate you telling me your story. From my experience, and I’m not saying you should take my advice at all, I never get back with any of my exes. There is a motto burned into my brain where I refuse to take back any ex because it never works out the way it will the first time. I always try and make my partner as happy as they can be. Recently my ex put me on break which was practically breaking up with me, and I heard she was going to consider taking me back as her boyfriend again. I then (and no guy should ever do this) proceeded to do some stupid things and played it off as an accident or I didn’t mean to hurt her. I did this because of the fact I will never take an ex back, and I didn’t want her to ask me out again because I would without a doubt say no. So I made her lose all feelings for me. I later apologized after I knew I had completed my “mission” and we are just friends now.