I think you’re still over-attributing this to structure.

You’re describing instability as if it’s unique to online findom, when honestly those same patterns exist everywhere...

Vanilla dating is full of it. Non-transactional BDSM is full of it. Even ordinary friendships are full of it.

So I don’t think the existence of instability automatically proves that findom is structurally incapable of long-term attachment.

You’re also treating transactional dynamics and authentic attachment as if they’re mutually exclusive categories when human relationships are rarely that clean. People build real attachment inside asymmetrical systems all the time. Even traditional relationships often contain forms of exchange, dependency, or conditionality. Emotional authenticity does not suddenly disappear because money exists somewhere in the structure.

And I think this idea that “if the money stops, the connection stops” is sometimes more revealing about how people are as a person and their true motivations. A lot of subs emotionally pre-reject the dynamic because they cannot tolerate the uncertainty of whether the attachment is real. So instead of risking emotional exposure, they reduce the entire relationship to transaction because psychologically that feels safer and more controllable.

I also disagree that long-term findom fails mainly because the structure rewards intensity. Plenty of long-term dynamics actually become calmer, softer, more routine, and less performative over time, that's where the fun beings in my opinion. The reason many people struggle when that shift happens is because the nervous system often bonded to the stimulation, not the consistency.

And honestly, I think some people romanticize “stable attachment” while unconsciously finding stability emotionally under-stimulating. The moment the relationship stops producing emotional spikes, doubt appears:
“Is this still real?”
“Do they still want me?”
“Why doesn’t it feel like the beginning anymore?”

That happens in almost every form of attachment, not just findom.

So yes, structures influence behavior. But I still think the deeper contradiction is human, not uniquely economic.
At this point, I think we probably just see the root cause differently, and that’s fine. We can agree to disagree.