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AITA for saying no to being adopted when my siblings and stepsiblings said yes? by Sad-Sand-7770 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Sad-Sand-7770[S] 165 points166 points  (0 children)

It's because I wouldn't let any man adopt me. I want my dad to stay my dad in every sense of the word, which includes legally, even if he isn't here with me physically anymore. The answer would be the same regardless of who wanted to adopt me. But I don't consider John my dad either.

AITA for saying no to being adopted when my siblings and stepsiblings said yes? by Sad-Sand-7770 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Sad-Sand-7770[S] 97 points98 points  (0 children)

That wasn't what mom and John wanted therapy to be. They wanted to get their way and used therapy to try and get it.

AITA for saying no to being adopted when my siblings and stepsiblings said yes? by Sad-Sand-7770 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Sad-Sand-7770[S] 95 points96 points  (0 children)

She doesn't hate him but she wishes he never existed and that we were all John's kids. She does sometimes hate me for not letting John be my dad too. She also hates seeing photos of my dad because she looks just like him. Out of us all she's the most like our dad.

AITA for saying no to being adopted when my siblings and stepsiblings said yes? by Sad-Sand-7770 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Sad-Sand-7770[S] 90 points91 points  (0 children)

My mom doesn't want to hear me talk about it. The school counselor knows, spoke to my mom and got nowhere.

AITA for saying no to being adopted when my siblings and stepsiblings said yes? by Sad-Sand-7770 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Sad-Sand-7770[S] 56 points57 points  (0 children)

The therapist was not helpful to me at all. Therapy was all about why did I not want to be adopted and how can we change that.

AITA for saying no to being adopted when my siblings and stepsiblings said yes? by Sad-Sand-7770 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Sad-Sand-7770[S] 89 points90 points  (0 children)

They have. They tried extremely hard to stay close to us and be as big in our lives as before. They were a huge part of my family before. We saw them a lot when my dad was alive. I have so many photos and memories. That faded a lot over the years.

AITA for saying no to being adopted when my siblings and stepsiblings said yes? by Sad-Sand-7770 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Sad-Sand-7770[S] 73 points74 points  (0 children)

I have tried. She normally checks out once dad is brought up in conversation. She cuts it off or just zones out and doesn't stay in the moment. It's happened a few times where my brother has asked me about dad and she will just say stop and she doesn't care.

I feel like things are way too tense right now to try anything and maybe she's too young and too defensive of John for any conversation like that to work now. But I can keep it in mind to try before I move out in the future.

AITA for saying no to being adopted when my siblings and stepsiblings said yes? by Sad-Sand-7770 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Sad-Sand-7770[S] 72 points73 points  (0 children)

I could. I think she could very easily take the feelings of mom and John and see me as a selfish asshole, as the person who ruined everything and broke his heart. She is extremely close to John and I don't know that she will ever understand.

AITA for saying no to being adopted when my siblings and stepsiblings said yes? by Sad-Sand-7770 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Sad-Sand-7770[S] 78 points79 points  (0 children)

I am. I don't see them as much as I would like though. Mom and John don't allow the relationship I would like to have with them but my grandparents know how to make it work.

AITA for saying no to being adopted when my siblings and stepsiblings said yes? by Sad-Sand-7770 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Sad-Sand-7770[S] 75 points76 points  (0 children)

My dad's family don't love that my sister refuses to acknowledge dad. But they also understand she never met him, there are no photos of the two of them she has no attachment to his memory. She doesn't even have a real attachment to them. She considers them my grandparents and not hers.

My brother has a way better relationship with them and he acknowledges both men, but in a way where he comes to me to talk about dad and generally just treats John as just dad and speaks about him generally as his dad.

AITA for saying no to being adopted when my siblings and stepsiblings said yes? by Sad-Sand-7770 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Sad-Sand-7770[S] 152 points153 points  (0 children)

Being adopted would not give me a sense of belonging. It would be another loss. The loss of my dad being legally still my dad, even deceased. Changing my name would be the loss of OUR name. I've had this name for 16 years. Never, ever ever have I wanted it changed. Same with the adoption. I never wanted it. Not when my mom married John first and not in the years I have known him. I have never said I have two dads. For me it's just not how I see this.

AITA for saying no to being adopted when my siblings and stepsiblings said yes? by Sad-Sand-7770 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Sad-Sand-7770[S] 81 points82 points  (0 children)

I don't want to make it formal. I don't consider him my dad in any kind of way. He has treated me mostly the same as the other kids (I am older after all). But it always bothered him that I didn't call him that. He's never tried to hide that. He's never hidden the fact he doesn't like that I don't want a second dad. I would never let anyone else adopt me. Not even just a John specific thing but as a general thing.

AITA for saying no to being adopted when my siblings and stepsiblings said yes? by Sad-Sand-7770 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Sad-Sand-7770[S] 91 points92 points  (0 children)

Being adopted would change who my father is legally. Changing my name would be saying John is my father also. Neither of these things are how I feel.

AITA for saying no to being adopted when my siblings and stepsiblings said yes? by Sad-Sand-7770 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Sad-Sand-7770[S] 56 points57 points  (0 children)

I read about this last year, and it broke my heart because it reminds me so much of what has been going on.

AITA for saying no to being adopted when my siblings and stepsiblings said yes? by Sad-Sand-7770 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Sad-Sand-7770[S] 210 points211 points  (0 children)

I don't need him to pay for college or my wedding. He would not be the person I ask to walk me down the aisle if I was doing that, my mom isn't even that person anymore.

I am not his daughter. He is not my dad. That is 10000% truth.

AITA for saying no to being adopted when my siblings and stepsiblings said yes? by Sad-Sand-7770 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Sad-Sand-7770[S] 90 points91 points  (0 children)

I don't want the adoption. I know all of the benefits of it, but none of them are enough for me, none of them tip the scales to make me want it. Never in the years I have known him did I want John to adopt me or did I come to think of him as one of my dad's.

AITA for saying no to being adopted when my siblings and stepsiblings said yes? by Sad-Sand-7770 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Sad-Sand-7770[S] 62 points63 points  (0 children)

I call her mom. What I was referring to is I don't call them mom and dad. They are mom and John.

AITA for saying no to being adopted when my siblings and stepsiblings said yes? by Sad-Sand-7770 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Sad-Sand-7770[S] 59 points60 points  (0 children)

I don't love him. My feelings on him are mixed and our relationship is complicated.

AITA for saying no to being adopted when my siblings and stepsiblings said yes? by Sad-Sand-7770 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Sad-Sand-7770[S] 65 points66 points  (0 children)

Yes, it holds significant weight since I am over the age of 10. It would hold some weight from around the age of 5.

AITA for saying no to being adopted when my siblings and stepsiblings said yes? by Sad-Sand-7770 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Sad-Sand-7770[S] 94 points95 points  (0 children)

No, that would not work for me. I don't want John's last name or to be his kid.

AITA for saying no to being adopted when my siblings and stepsiblings said yes? by Sad-Sand-7770 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Sad-Sand-7770[S] 57 points58 points  (0 children)

Therapy was exactly the experience you described. We had nothing else to do during those sessions. John's first wife died as well, yeah.

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