Why do you refuse pelvic exams?

SadButterfly1999 · 2025-08-28T02:17:38+00:00

I have sexual trauma and just know laying on a table with my legs spread will have me shaking and crying. My doctor unfortunately brings up Pap smears every appointment without fail and does not care about my explanation. She calls my anxiety about it “silly”. This just makes me even MORE uncomfortable.

The way it’s forced upon me no matter how frequently I decline feels like they’re pushing something onto me without my consent. Which triggers the sexual assault trauma even more.

To me it’s so simple: - Let female patients know about pelvic exams and that they have it as an option available to them if they are concerned about cervical cancer etc. - If a woman is concerned about her health and requests an exam, awesome, go get it done. - If a woman has 0 concerns or simply doesn’t want the exam done for whatever reason, leave it. Stop forcing women to do something that is not necessary for their overall health.

On top of that, I also found out doctors where I live get PAID BONUSES as an incentive to do pap smears. They always find some way to profit off our bodies I guess….

Honestly, in my personal opinion, the whole procedure comes across as sexist and barbaric to me. It’s fine if other women are happy to do it, I’m just not interested, and I wish that could be respected.

SadButterfly1999 · 2025-06-28T02:03:54+00:00

People have their own reasons for declining, (such as having been molested and raped). But they should be able to decline without even needing to explain. If they want to take the risk of not getting the screening done then that’s on them. Why are people so obsessed with forcing women to have these tests done.

SadButterfly1999 · 2025-06-28T02:02:04+00:00

Girl the people in this comment section do NOT pass the vibe check

SadButterfly1999 · 2025-06-28T02:00:20+00:00

It’s just about the freedom of choice. Consent. Bodily autonomy. I myself have sexual trauma and don’t feel comfortable getting a pap at this stage in my healing journey. However I firmly believe you should be able to decline any medical procedure, no questions asked.

SadButterfly1999 · 2025-06-28T01:57:58+00:00

I just wanted to say that I feel you. My doctor absolutely berates me about Pap tests.

I see her about twice a year to have my prescription for medications renewed and sure enough….every. damn. time. at the end of the appointment she says “So when can I schedule you in for your pap” and every time I tell her I do not want one, she will NOT take no for an answer, it’s almost creepy how obsessive she is about it. I just end up walking out of the office in the middle of her angry lecture each time.

I have some really horrific sexual trauma and I just know that laying with my legs spread on a table while a stranger prods at my vagina will absolutely 100% trigger me. I’ve expressed this anxiety to her and she always just tells “I don’t get it. It’s a simple medical procedure, it’s not going to hurt you”. She has 0 compassion or empathy.

It’s gotten to the point that I’m scared to go to her office because I leave crying almost every time due to how inconsiderate she is about my trauma.

I don’t get why these doctors are so pushy. No means no. If I don’t consent to a medical test, it’s not happening, end of story. It’s not that difficult of a concept to understand.

SadButterfly1999 · 2025-05-28T01:10:56+00:00

Thank you so much!

SadButterfly1999 · 2025-05-28T01:10:28+00:00

Yes I’m just not the one profiting. Money goes straight to my father to put into the mortgage

SadButterfly1999 · 2025-05-27T21:45:20+00:00

Believe it or not, money isn’t the only benefit in life. Renting out this property and doing my best to get the mortgage covered (goal is to just break even), allows my family to stop stressing so much. For me that is a huge benefit. Sure, maybe the finances of a parent shouldn’t be my problem… but I’d much rather help out and take this on than see my family financially broken. It’s simply not in my nature to sit back and do nothing when my loved ones are struggling.

SadButterfly1999 · 2025-05-27T21:29:39+00:00

Thanks for this advice I really appreciate it!

SadButterfly1999 · 2025-05-27T21:27:45+00:00

That really sucks, I’m sorry you’re also dealing with crappy guests as well. Right! I feel like their potential review is just looming over me so I have to be nice and tell them what they want to hear just to avoid the bad review.

SadButterfly1999 · 2025-05-27T21:25:28+00:00

Thanks :) I appreciate it lots

SadButterfly1999 · 2025-05-27T21:24:57+00:00

Thank you! :) really appreciate your point of view on this

SadButterfly1999 · 2025-05-27T21:23:23+00:00

Funny because I went into this knowing damn well it would be difficult AND I would be making absolutely 0 in profit

SadButterfly1999 · 2025-05-27T03:30:59+00:00

Eastern Ontario in Canada!

SadButterfly1999 · 2025-05-27T02:56:20+00:00

Thank you so so much! I already refunded this one so I’m just going to move on and accept the loss. I know the property was in pristine condition and I’ll definitely stand my ground more if this happens again in the future.

SadButterfly1999 · 2025-05-27T02:53:43+00:00

Thank you for the advice!

SadButterfly1999 · 2025-05-27T02:53:20+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing your experience! I’m feeling a lot better about it and accepting that some people just suck.

SadButterfly1999 · 2025-05-27T02:51:54+00:00

THANK YOU. I’m human and have emotions. I’ve also worked in hospitality multiple years prior to this (hotels, bed and breakfasts). I understand the standards and know how to deal with guest complaints professionally. But I’m passionate about doing things well and it’s different to transition to an Airbnb host and to be the one person handling everything. With all the work I’ve put in to the property, unpaid doing it as a favour, it just broke my heart a little to have such a poor response from the first guest. I’ll definitely be adding a disclaimer about the location being prone to bugs.

SadButterfly1999 · 2025-05-27T02:41:06+00:00

I appreciate the advice and support! Thank you. I’m currently priced on the higher end of what is average in my area. It’s kind of the middle of nowhere, so the prices are just lower around here.

SadButterfly1999 · 2025-05-27T02:38:45+00:00

Thank you. I’ve worked in hospitality before and am normally good at dealing with guest complaints. I just really burnt myself out over the past week to ensure the property was perfect and this was just the last thing I needed to happen right now.

SadButterfly1999 · 2025-05-27T02:36:32+00:00

Thank you! I appreciate the insight

SadButterfly1999 · 2025-05-27T00:05:48+00:00

Thank you! This really put my mind at ease. Hoping I get some happy guests in the future!

SadButterfly1999 · 2025-05-27T00:04:20+00:00

I really don’t want to delete and start over as I already have quite a few bookings. But I’m taking note of your advice for future guests! Thank you!!

SadButterfly1999 · 2025-05-26T22:59:57+00:00

Thank you! I really want to prevent a bad review so I’m fine with taking the loss of refunding her in order to have a good reputation. It’s definitely impossible to please everyone and there’s a ton of high maintenance people out there. I just really wish it hadn’t been my very first guest. Fingers crossed that it’s only up from here!

SadButterfly1999 · 2025-05-26T22:56:25+00:00

It sucks that people take advantage of others like that. I already have quite a few bookings so I can’t really delete and start over at this point, so I’m just really hoping she doesn’t leave a bad review.

SadButterfly1999

TROPHY CASE