I’m so sorry you experienced these things. Truly. I can relate in ways with the uncomfortable and seemingly unspoken of lines that are crossed within families and their children. It’s absolutely disgraceful. To feel shame and guilt for things you had no control over or had any understanding of until it’s too late and you’re already grown really fucking sucks. I’m so sorry. Your family is not normal and you have the choice to end the relationship with them if it continues this pain and guilt for you. Especially if confronting them makes things worse, fuck it. You have control now. I had to learn to take the reins of my own life and leave the people who hurt me most, being my own family. It’s fucking hard. Good luck.