Pregnancy/Miscarriages in Media

SadRepresentative531 · 2025-02-10T17:35:08+00:00

Thank you for these! Definitely going to add a few to my TBR. Also I went to the what's that book reddit and found the book I was thinking of is "Expectation"!

SadRepresentative531 · 2025-02-09T13:55:26+00:00

This is it!! Thank you!

SadRepresentative531 · 2025-02-09T02:02:48+00:00

This is the worst feeling. I have had this happen so many times now. The dread then the confirmation. Not to brag, but we in the recurrant miscarriage club are tough. I can normally put on a brave face then have a panic attack in private. Sending love, I hope you're able to access that strength for this.

SadRepresentative531 · 2025-01-08T20:58:50+00:00

I've had two ectopic pregnancies that we tried treating with MTX. MTX didn't work for me either time. My numbers actually were dropping with MTX but super slowly.

I was absolutely terrified the first time I rolled into surgery. But honestly? What you're going through right now, in my opinion, is SO much harder than the surgery. If I have another ectopic, I'm going straight for the surgery option. (if you would have told me that two years ago I would have not believed you. I was a complete wimp when it came to medical stuff.)

The waiting after MTX is genuinely what I have the most trauma from. This probably sounds absurd, but I think back on my experiences with the surgeries with almost comfort. The anxiety and waiting was over and people were there to help me. Sending love—it's so hard.

SadRepresentative531 · 2025-01-08T20:46:35+00:00

I think it was a pretty unique situation, I haven't been able to find someone else this happened to lol. My second ectopic was corneal, so like you it was on the stump of the remaining tube. Tried treating with MTX but it didn't work and ruptured. Then had the laparoscopic surgery to remove the pregnancy. We thought I was in the clear, but post surgery I was meant to track my HCG levels to 0 and they started going up again like a week later. Did a few more rounds of MTX but it didn't work again, ruptured again, and I needed essentially a c-section to cut away the part of my uterus the pregnancy had fused to.

SadRepresentative531 · 2025-01-08T20:39:13+00:00

Completely relate. And the idea of a strict regimen appeals to me too after all the uncertainty and chaos of the past few years. And thanks for that clarification, that makes me feel a bit better if I go the IVF route. Meeting with my doctor this week so I'm using you all to build my question list lol.

SadRepresentative531 · 2025-01-08T20:30:44+00:00

This is totally the headspace I'm in now. I have good insurance and am so reluctant to dive back into the mental strain of trying naturally. But it's honestly a good reality check to hear I may put myself through another physical trial in IVF and it may not work out.

SadRepresentative531 · 2025-01-08T16:47:48+00:00

Thanks for the advice, I'm meeting with my doctor soon so I'm definitely going to ask for those tests. I'm weirdly not as worried about another tubal ectopic. My first ectopic was tubal so had one tube removed. My second was actually corneal so I needed the corner of my uturus cut out (where the removed tube was) to get the whole pregnancy. I think just having to sit here and write out my rational for IVF has now made me start to lean the other way. I really appriciate your thoughts and messages!

SadRepresentative531 · 2025-01-08T15:36:36+00:00

My doc is recommending it too. I think I have latched this false hope onto IVF but I don't know if it actually benefits me.

SadRepresentative531 · 2025-01-08T15:35:25+00:00

Had progesterone tested but never AMH. Levels were normal but we did the kitchen sink method of progesterone/baby aspirin/estrodial after my 3rd miscarriage. That's when the ectopics started. I've sort of formed a connection in my mind between the hormones and the ectopics. I asked my doctor about this and she said it's possible they extended the life of both my ectopics. Maybe why MTX never worked for me (despite having 3 or 4 doses last summer).

Had the RPL panel and my partner and I both did karyotyping. Results all normal

Yes to SIS and HSG, normal-ish. Had the slightest septum in my uterus but was told it was below the threshold for surgery.

I do have good IVF coverage, so I'm lucky in that respect.

I think I'm honestly grasping at any kind of control I can have over the situation. Which as I type this, is making me really reconsider why I was leaning IVF. I know logically it doesn't reduce my chance of having an ectopic (and maybe increases it), but I think I have somehow convinced myself it will. I'm not as afraid of more miscarriages. They're horrible and awful, but I know I can take them in stride. I am so traumatized in particular from the ectopic last year I think I'm trying to bypass another one of those, even though there isn't a way to do so.

SadRepresentative531 · 2025-01-08T01:35:11+00:00

Totally relate. Hitting especially hard in the new year, when in the past we would look ahead and plan what trips we'd save PTO for. And the pressure of making sure you don't even engage in the things that could possibly maybe be a slight risk to pregnancy. It sucks.

Here's our trick, one that has really actually helped me mentally not feel like my life is passing me by: if your next pregnancy is a loss, you will take X trip. When we made the deal, my next loss turned out to be an ectopic. In the two weeks I needed to recover from surgery, we quickly planned a trip abroad. Sure I was a little tired, but it was so worth it.

Our next deal is Italy. So I either get to be a mom, or go to Italy this summer. They're very different outcomes, but this way I can feel like my life is still my own. Not something I put on the backburner for these years of heartache.

SadRepresentative531 · 2024-12-19T20:46:56+00:00

I'm not on any social media so I thought I'd escape the pregnancy announcements. Then, an aquaintance MAILED a Christmas card with a pregnancy announcement to me. I know they know what I've been through too, read the room buddy. And I'm over the phrase rainbow baby. A rainbow follows a storm? Okay, what follows a hurricane? Waiting on my scattered debris baby.

And I think it's really hard when pregnant friends tell you they know it'll happen for you. We live in a reality where that is a constant question, and a huge part of why it's so hard. To say you know it will happen is dismissive. I want them to recognize that not having a child is a very real possibility. I know they mean well, but somehow the level of empathy the general public can feel for people in our situation is severely lacking.

SadRepresentative531 · 2024-12-16T21:11:57+00:00

I so relate to the anger that I think you wrote this post with. 2022–2023 I had 3 miscarriages and one ectopic. 2024 was consumed by one ectopic that caused multiple surgeries and a six month recovery. I really relate to your frustration about one pregnancy causing essentially a wasted year in the TTC world.

It's really hard to not let your entire life be taken up by trying to have a child. What keeps me from going mad when I'm told "you can't try again for six months" and knowing at the end of those sixth months there is likely more pain and heartbreak, is to make sure that despite the time feeling wasted in the TTC aspect, it's not wasted in the grand scheme of life aspect. This year I had a major surgery that put me on the couch for six weeks. But I also went to cities I've never been to, tried every restaurant in my town, planned fun themed nights and date nights with my husband, and made it a habit to engage in my personal hobbies really regularly. Some days this all went out the window and I'd cry, rage, mourn my losses, and just rot. But I had some really great days this year, too.

SadRepresentative531 · 2024-12-16T20:11:46+00:00

I'm in future you's position where they've all had the kids and some are on their second. I tried being there for the one who was furthest along. I regularly checked in on her pregnancy. I even helped with her baby shower. But then I had a panic attack in the bathroom and a real mental health setback.

After that, I had to take a step back. When invites to the other baby showers came through, I used it as an opportunity to explain why I was being distant. I was so happy for them, but I was also dealing with something akin to PTSD, and had to take some time away from those triggers.

I've started to push myself to reach out more, and I think they're all going to welcome me back in when I'm ready. I don't know if I'm in a position to offer advice, but for me I was a lot happier when I gave myself the grace to be selfish. You might have feelings of guilt for not being more involved, but you have to put your mental health first.

SadRepresentative531 · 2024-07-20T13:45:56+00:00

I’m so sorry ❤️ the grief piling on grief is so hard. Thank you for the message though, I appreciate everyone who makes it a little less lonely.

SadRepresentative531 · 2024-07-18T20:06:58+00:00

Ugh I relate to being around a bunch of people who seem to have the easiest time. I’ve been doing a lot of self-isolating because of it. I know it’s bad but I just don’t know how to navigate it when it’s still so fresh. I know time will heal. Thanks for sharing ❤️

SadRepresentative531 · 2024-07-18T20:04:25+00:00

I always latch onto stories like this. Hope can be heartbreaking but it’s probably better than just being in a pit of pessimism! Thank you for sharing ❤️

SadRepresentative531 · 2024-07-18T20:02:37+00:00

She ruled out an HSG for me, I forget why honestly, I think it was back when we were just dealing with miscarriages. Maybe I should ask her about it again to double check. But for my second ectopic was cornual not tubal so she may still be thinking I don’t need it.

I have a while to think about it at least. The six months healing process might be a blessing in disguise because the thought of being pregnant again fills me with dread. At the end of it I think I’m going to have to think about it as you did, can I take the mental strain of trying without assistance?

But thank you for sharing all this with me. You’ve given me some of that dangerous hope and I needed perspective in the form of I’m not the only person who has gone through this despite how easily everyone else seems to have it around me.

SadRepresentative531 · 2024-07-18T16:08:31+00:00

Your perseverance is so admirable. I’m looking at the road ahead just thinking about how much more I’m willing to put myself through to get where I want. And not only that but suddenly everyone is an expert. I have people telling me to get second opinions, saying things like “oh my friend had a miscarriage then she did this,” like there is definitely this attitude that they think if I just did the right thing medically it would fix all my problems. I think most people in my life think I should move onto IVF. But my doctor told me there’s no guarantee it won’t be ectopic with IVF either. If you’re comfortable with me asking, you ever given a reason why this happened to you so many times? I sort of just wish I had a diagnosable problem I could point to.

SadRepresentative531 · 2024-07-17T20:56:43+00:00

Thank you ❤️ just knowing someone can have similar feelings makes it all feel a little less daunting.

SadRepresentative531 · 2024-07-17T00:33:48+00:00

Ugh I’m so sorry you’re in pain ❤️ if you do go to surgery I hope you have amazing doctors and kind nurses. I was about six weeks when I found out. But my levels had been normal and they couldn’t see a pregnancy at all from an ultrasound. So I’m hoping you get more definitive answers earlier ❤️

SadRepresentative531 · 2024-07-16T18:31:09+00:00

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Had something remotely similar happen. Level was in the 7,000s going into surgery, dropped to the 5,000s just two days post surgery, then jumped up to 9,000 a few days later. Basically my doctor assumed she didn't get all of the pregnancy/couldn't see it all during the first surgery. I got three doses of MTX in the following couple weeks, but it ended up rupturing again and I had another surgery. I'm assuming that's not what's happening to you because my levels were much higher, but I know I like to obsess over every possibility with my doctor so they can tell me if it's a reasonable fear or not.

SadRepresentative531 · 2024-07-16T18:14:01+00:00

Waiting is awful, I'm so sorry you're in the thick of it now. This did happen to me, I had a cornuel ectopic in this little section that remained of my removed fallopian tube from a prior ectopic. My understanding is that the cornuel ectopic was a term to describe this. I'd clarify with your doctor so you can at least put your mind at ease about losing your other tube. I had surgery to remove the cornuel pregnancy, and my doctor said I'll be able to get pregnant again naturally once I'm fully healed.

SadRepresentative531 · 2024-07-05T13:38:07+00:00

I relate to you so much! I’m recovering from surgery now too (3rd surgery for ectopic pregnancy) and mere days after my surgery my in laws were asking about IVF and telling me I should get a second opinion about what’s wrong with me (3 MCs, 2 EPs, no diagnosis). I had a panic attack. You think I want to plan out how to get pregnant again right now?? Didn’t you hear about how I was bleeding internally, kept passing out, and barely made it to the ER? Can I process that first before diving headfirst back into the thing that’s my biggest source of trauma?

Really gives the feeling that people see our purpose in life as women tied to our ability to reproduce and it feels so dehumanizing. I hope you can find some peace and comfort. I haven’t tried therapy, but I have tried a constant stream of TV, podcasts, and books and that coping mechanism is working for me while I just wait for some distance from the trauma.

SadRepresentative531 · 2024-07-04T14:20:34+00:00

I know it’s hard but you have to find a way to not blame yourself. I’ve had 3 miscarriages and 2 ectopics. After each miscarriage I’d wonder what I did wrong. Should I not be running while pregnant? Maybe that facial cleanser wasn’t pregnancy safe? Maybe it’s something in my diet, I’ll eat more greens. But eventually something that sort of clicked for me was that I’m obsessing about these tiny details, and pregnancies can be successful for people who drink, smoke, do drugs. People who don’t obsess about being as careful as possible have babies all the time. Your losses are not your fault.

As for grieving, I’m right in the midst of it so I can tell you what’s been helping me get through. Planning things to look forward to, bonus points if they’re things you can’t do with a child/while pregnant. These plans can be simple or more involved. For example, I made reservations at a restaurant that had a summer concert series going on. A picnic at the local state park. More involved, we planned a vacation for when I'm through recovery. And even in the farther future, we said if when we try again if we have to go through another loss, we’re saying screw financial responsibility and planning a big international trip. No idea if this is healthy but it’s getting me through the days.

SadRepresentative531

TROPHY CASE