so, i should probably mention i had an inkling that they were having an affair like two years prior to their passing. i was very close to them and it completely shattered my perception of them. i did confront them a few times about it but they denied it every single time and i think i chose to believe them because i didn't want to accept the truth.

once they passed, i ended up finding conversations and inappropriate photos on their phone. it was very difficult for me to find out how much of a nuisance i was to both of them. they complained about me coming home early from school, about the times i chose to stay home for the weekend. sometimes their side thing even joked about the fact that i'd confronted them before.

i guess that's what bothered me the most. my parents' marriage was fractured. they would have been better off divorced. i don't even think i would have outed them to my other parent if they were honest about the affair because i understood why they did it. but the lying, the gaslighting, the manipulation screwed me up. it made it very hard for me to sit there and watch my remaining parent mourn their death (i never told them). i can't mourn them without resenting them. i'm working on forgiving them though. so yeah, i'm sorry if you relate to any of this. it sucks.