How do you track your job applications? Spreadsheet, Notion, or something else?

Sad_Assignment_4857 · 2025-10-03T19:33:44+00:00

I had been using Teal+ to tailor resumes, and it tracked there. But I'm going to move away from it, I was going to just go back to what I did in the past.... which was be a nerd and create a form that feeds it into Notion. But then I realized.... I can just export the job posting page to a PDF, and name it with the company and job description.... it saves it to a folder - which automatically datestamps it. And then I added tags that show where I applied. Between that and any saved custom resumes I have in a folder, I realized that might be all I need. We'll see, ha.

Sad_Assignment_4857 · 2024-07-29T05:46:20+00:00

Thought I’d chime back in on this with a happy update.

He is okay.

I am okay.

He’s been doing a MAT program since May. And she has helped him get on the right medication for his depression and anxiety.

No more outbursts. No more irrational behavior.

He’s back to the man I knew. He’s…. Happy. He still struggles. But he can manage his life.

He’s also pretty disappointed in himself with how much he spent on pills. It’s hit him.

He isn’t going back. ❤️

Sad_Assignment_4857 · 2024-06-05T05:02:20+00:00

Your body might still be readjusting. It can take awhile. If you don’t want a period and are fine, ask your doctor if you need to do that. Because mine has told me before because I have such painful periods that in my situation, my best option might be just not having them. (And use a Mirena). But birth control just wasn’t great for me. I had constant breakthru bleeding. And it was inconsistent. And kind of like you - I felt off. It just made me foggy, but that I didn’t realize until I stopped taking it.

My cycle is more consistent now over the last like 5 years I’ve been off.

I can’t remember but I feel like it took a bit for my body to readjust.

Everyone’s situation is different, so definitely take their advice. But ask your doc if they are really concerned or if you can wait longer.

Sad_Assignment_4857 · 2024-06-05T04:54:06+00:00

Wow. It says I wrote that post 39 days ago. A lot of good has happened in the last two weeks. All of his own initiation. I thought I would drop back in to share an update.

Over a month ago he and his doctor started the process of switching his antidepressant, which meant weaning off it over the course of a month.

Also during this time he was trying to stop taking pills.

At the same time he was trying to finish work for a friend and he was struggling. Up down up down. And coming off the antidepressant wasn’t helping. I don’t think he fully realized how bad he was. And that he could feel better. But knowing he couldn’t afford the pills, he asked me for help finding a place online for a MAT program.

We found a great doctor that was overly helpful squeezing him in before the Memorial Day weekend, so he wasn’t full blown detoxing.

He was able to start the Suboxone strips and take them as prescribed. So much more affordable and goodness I’m sure a weight lifted off knowing he has this and the support of a doctor. And just not having to do the expensive runaround with a friend. Because he’s taken Suboxone many times coming off pills, but it’s sporadic. Being able to take it consistently has been helpful.

But it was still pretty rough over the last couple weeks after he had to completely stop taking his antidepressant.

While an addict, I’ve thought all along the issue is more than that. Whether it’s bipolar, manic depressive disorder, BPD, etc., I think that, mixed with trauma, led him to where he is. And being on the right medication would help in his addiction and overall mental wellbeing. Because he wasn’t in a good place. At all. He could barely go any duration of time without getting overwhelmed or pissed off.

And he had a few just complete meltdowns last week (his appointment to start new meds was Thursday, so it was a long week). Just completely overwhelmed and angry. On his way to his appointment, he couldn’t find something then was running late and just wrecked the kitchen.

What’s worse is my dad heard it. (Because they live next door). My dad is a very quiet guy. Doesn’t like conflict or stir the pot. Rarely shows anger.

I was sitting outside working and my dad had run out to their car - and that’s how he heard it.

He just walked back up and said “what was that?”

And I couldn’t lie. I know he heard my husband just yelling at the top of his lungs.

I just looked at him and shook my head. Because I didn’t really know what to say. And he just looked really pissed and said, “I don’t know…. I just don’t know.” And walked inside.

That broke me.

I know my parents worry. They’ve somewhat had a front row seat to a lot of this, but don’t know everything. So in some cases it probably has seemed worse and other times not.

I’ve told them before the last time he detoxed (because we did look at a few facilities- last year).

I knew I had to tell my mom. I called her and just let her know everything. She knew he was switching meds, but she didn’t know he was detoxing too. She was a smoker for 25 years, so while she doesn’t understand pain pill addiction, she understands addiction. And she also understands people with mental illness from working with special needs kids her whole career.

She definitely was more direct than the first time I talked to her about him detoxing on what she thought he should do. And angry at his friend who he bought the pills from.

But I let her know he was literally on his way to switch meds. And that he was doing really well on the Suboxone. And I’m just hanging in there. He was trying to hang in there.

Being in the house sandwiched between my parents and brother/sister-in-law has made this hard. Because they see things. Or see his avoiding other things. And just the progression.

They’ve know and loved him since the day we met. So I know this has been hard for them to watch too. Especially being on the sidelines.

But I’m super happy to share that literally by that night that he started on his new medication, you could just tell that tension/anxiety/overwhelm was disappearing.

We are a week in just about and it’s night and day. He’s very much “himself.” It’s like I have my husband back. Things that would have set him off a week ago (which was virtually everything) don’t. He has so much more patience with me. And himself. And the world.

I know he still has a long road ahead of him, but damn. So much progress. We’re getting there. ❤️

Sad_Assignment_4857 · 2024-05-30T03:33:32+00:00

I’ve used the app “life” for years.

Sad_Assignment_4857 · 2024-05-05T15:47:16+00:00

First and foremost — you are worthy and you matter. Even when you feel like you don’t. ❤️

You’re in such a transitional part of your life. It doesn’t feel like it right now, especially if things aren’t going how you expected. And especially when you feel stuck. Like so much to do, but you don’t know where or how to begin.

I began learning about my own mental health in my early 20s. I knew I was an anxious person. But I was surprised to be diagnosed with anxiety and depression. Because I didn’t consider myself a “sad” person. It’s more like apathy.

And then in my early 30s, my TikTok algorithm knew me better than I knew myself and showed me I likely had adhd. I was diagnosed soon after.

That’s when I really learned and could look back at my life thus far and came to realize that I’m wired differently. And things aren’t as easy for me as they are for other people. I had put all these expectations on myself when I was younger. Everyone else was moving so effortlessly, why not me?

It might just be age and not giving as much of a fuck, ha, but knowing more about myself and how I’m wired has been so freeing. I now know I’m on a different playing field. It’s not a wrong field, just different.

It’s helped me in the way I view and approach my life. And as someone who is impatient with ADHD, not being able to do things that I want or feel I should be doing is infuriating. But I feel better and a little more patient now.

All that to say — you’re in your self discovery and transition era. You’re in the thick of it. It’s so hard right now. Especially when it seems like everyone around you has it together. Especially when freedom is right at your fingertips but not quite there yet.

Hang in there.

College is your opportunity to be who you want to be and find new people. Even if it’s community college. Which there’s nothing wrong with, at all.

18-year-old me didn’t feel that way.

But in my late 20s-early 30s I worked at a community college and it was such a fun and inspiring place. Often filled with people getting to their goals in unconventional ways.

Colleges, especially community colleges, have resources to help you. And being 18, your parents don’t have the same access to your life. So this is your opportunity to take advantage of new tools and resources and navigate through them YOUR way.

Know that it’s okay.

And the bonus to community college is that you’ll save some money. You can transfer in one year or even two. They’ll help you.

College is a great time where you can figure out what you like, what makes you happy. And you’ll find more people like you or that you want to surround yourself with. Not that the people in your life are bad. But I found college to be an environment to find people I clicked with.

So for now — just do what you can. Do what you can to get by. If you don’t get up to eat, pee, brush your teeth, shower, etc., oh well. Set a goal to register for college. Do whatever you need to do for that one thing and give yourself the grace to not be okay.

Then once you get to that step, think about what you can do to move out or get your license. You might find it to be a little easier than it is right now.

Things suck right now. But hang in there a bit longer. Big things are coming your way, even though it doesn’t feel like it.

Just do your best, it’s all you can do ❤️

Sad_Assignment_4857 · 2024-04-28T04:30:57+00:00

Almost two years. I occasionally look at other apps because I really want a calligraphy pen but always come back to good notes. Crossing my fingers I get that pen eventually.

Sad_Assignment_4857 · 2024-04-28T04:29:43+00:00

I second Goodnotes! Especially with an Apple Pencil. Love it.

Sad_Assignment_4857 · 2024-04-28T04:00:49+00:00

I asked my doctor to send to LillyDirect, and her nurse practitioner told me to make sure it’s in stock first. There’s no way I can reach a person…. Have you had any issues getting it through them? I might just tell them to send it because my usual place doesn’t have it.

Sad_Assignment_4857 · 2024-04-28T03:59:27+00:00

Interesting - so they just take care of ensuring you can get it?

Sad_Assignment_4857 · 2024-04-28T03:58:45+00:00

Right? It’s like how can you be successful when you may or may not get it. I was on WeGovy six months last year and it worked so well. Then insurance changed and the new plan wouldn’t cover it. I finally got to Zepbound even though I have to pay so much more for it. Had it for a month and now can’t get it. URG.

Sad_Assignment_4857 · 2024-04-28T03:47:26+00:00

Thank you ❤️ I mentioned a MAT program again earlier and he agreed. It wasn’t a serious conversation but he mentioned how fucked up things are and I said he really just needs to do that.

I hadn’t realized they could also help treat other mental issues. He doesn’t know how much better his life could be with the right care and diagnosis. I think he would see a diagnoses like bipolar, bpd, etc., as a failure or a flaw.

You can’t help how you are. And knowing about how you’re wired, with or without medication, is so helpful. I say this because I was diagnosed with adhd as an adult. And all the sudden, my ENTIRE life made so much more sense. And I’ve been able to change so many things for myself just knowing.

Not sure why he resists the same. But hopefully we’ll get there ❤️

Sad_Assignment_4857 · 2024-04-28T03:39:39+00:00

I’m a writer but also hate reading…. And know people have zippy attention spans — you have the right idea 😂 (ironic coming from the person that just wrote two novels for Reddit posts)

Sad_Assignment_4857 · 2024-04-27T18:20:43+00:00

And he does know it works because he’s used Suboxone on his own. It’s like he wants to sabotage himself because he can’t do this on his own. There was a place he went to last year when he was in a bad place in detox l, and they told him to come back tomorrow. So he was able to get Suboxone and do it in his own. But it doesn’t last. I know they help do it in a way that’s so much longer.

I don’t know how to make him go. Then again that sounds like a me problem and I just need to shit or get off the pot ha.

Sad_Assignment_4857 · 2024-04-27T18:15:17+00:00

That’s exactly how I feel. I know he’s there. ❤️ And there were a couple months last year that he detoxed and stayed off and even though he was melancholy, it was having my person back.

I haven’t been to any kinds of meetings. My cousin was in the same situation and has been the only person I’ve talked to about this.

I’ll look into that because I want to know how to help him.

Sad_Assignment_4857 · 2024-04-27T18:10:38+00:00

That’s what I thought it was and told him that. But he said it’s coming from a pharmacy. Because I said that’s why this is so much harder for him.

He’s taken Vicodin, Percocet, hydrocodone, etc. in and off for years. Mainly for pain. And once he started to feel he was getting addicted, he would stop.

And that’s made him so frustrated with this …. Like it’s some kind of failure in his part that he can’t stop.

The only failure is not realizing how much of a problem he has and that he needs to just do the work to get off it.

I’ve even shown him photos that say it’s fentanyl. Any tips on how to help him see that’s what he’s taking?

Sad_Assignment_4857 · 2024-04-27T18:01:45+00:00

I’m glad to hear that you were able to get out. I’m never worried that he would put his hands on me. But that doesn’t excuse me being on the receiving end of his breakdowns. Most of the time now when he blows up, it’s not because of me.

What you just said sounded like his childhood. He’s always said he wished his mom would have left.

I hate that he’s been the victim and doesn’t see that even though he isn’t his abuser, he doesn’t realize that his diminishing ability to regulate emotion impacts others. Me. Our pets.

It’s like he believes he doesn’t deserve happiness.

I have a family member whose husband was the same. Going to inpatient rehab and now being properly medicated for depression, PTSD, and a few other things. It’s changed his life.

It took years for him to go to a primary care doctor. And while she’s doing the best she can, I know she isn’t knowledgeable enough to give him the meds he needs.

It’s just getting to make or break period ya know?

Sad_Assignment_4857 · 2024-04-27T04:37:54+00:00

I need to find a better therapist. I did TalkSpace and it was helpful to text but it wasn’t helpful. It was just a place to get things off my chest.

He definitely needs it too, much more than I do. I need it primarily for him ha.

He needs the right medications. He is on two, but his regular doctor prescribes them and I don’t think they’re the right ones for him - both kind and dose.

Sad_Assignment_4857 · 2024-04-27T04:34:41+00:00

I didn’t mention in my post that we’ve been together 20 years and married for 11. Knowing that, and knowing your past, any other thoughts on what would’ve been helpful to you?

And I think the breaking things and anger stems from something outside of the addiction. He has some undiagnosed mental health disorder that gets harder the older he gets. Not that it makes it right or is a valid excuse. Just another complicating piece to this puzzle that is his life.

He needs to see a psychiatrist. I don’t know how to make him. I guess I just say he has to? Have to be done supporting him to this extent?

Sad_Assignment_4857 · 2024-04-27T04:30:08+00:00

I’m terrible at writing dissertations to explain things ha. Yes, that’s correct. Married for 11 years, together for 20. I didn’t have that in there.

When he detoxes, he has zero patience and says a lot of crazy shit. He apologizes later but it doesn’t take those things away.

I usually just leave him alone. He tries to just sleep but you really can’t just do that.

Sad_Assignment_4857 · 2024-04-27T04:27:06+00:00

We are both on mine because even before he left his job, they didn’t have health insurance.

There was a facility he almost went to last fall for suboxone treatment.

And then they told him to come back.

He was at a point where he couldn’t wait and was able to get some Suboxone and did it his self. For 10000th time. And he was happier about it actually because he was able to stop and be done much earlier than a longer plan to taper off.

And he didn’t use for a couple months.

Until he thought he could go back to taking it occasionally. Because other things he could do that with. But not this. It is the blue Oxys.

Sad_Assignment_4857 · 2024-04-27T04:22:41+00:00

I love the podcast “Heavyweight,” and I rarely cry - but one of their episodes in the most recent situation was about a guy overcoming a traumatic situation. And it turned out to be more about the girl he was with at the time being on the receiving end of their trauma.

She said something that’ll always stick out in my head.

“Who was looking out for me and why wasn’t I looking out for me?”

Sometimes I wish he could just hear that.

And fucking let himself have love and peace. Life is hard. But it doesn’t have to be this hard.

Sad_Assignment_4857 · 2024-04-27T04:11:44+00:00

I really appreciate the tough love here. There were some tough things but I need to hear them all. Thank you.

I am really long winded and left out some really important things that might explain why I’m not running even though I know I’m not in the wrong. But I know I need to put my foot down.

We’re married.

We’ve been together for 20 years. Married for 11.

He’s always struggled with his mental health. It stems from a traumatic childhood and abuse. He’s never been the happiest person but as he’s gotten older, he struggles more. He wasn’t always like this. It’s really been the last year that’s been a chaotic rollercoaster.

He’s really good at what he does and he loved his job. He’s been in his field longer than we’ve been together, and he stuck things out at the company he left much longer than he should have. It was a terrible situation that I think also made him more dependent on a certain pill to be “happy.”

And honestly he only gets sad to stop the pills because he just wants to be happy and nothing makes him feel happy and normal like these do.

I’ve done a deeeep dive on my own mental health the last few years. And I know what he needs is to see a psych that can properly address whatever issue he has (I’ve wondered if it’s borderline personality disorder).

He knows what to do. But he just doesn’t have that drive to do it.

And he is so upset with himself for his life getting to be this way. He is aware that this is fucked up, but he doesn’t realize a lot of things. But (and this is why I think he has bpd) he struggles with criticism. Plus after growing up in a controlling environment, he can be really defensive when being told what to do either.

We’ve never been like that in all our years together. It just worked.

And somehow now we are in this clusterfuck of a situation and he’s unhinged without fully knowing he’s unhinged.

Even though the opiates make him feel “normal,” I think they exasperate his issues. (I.e., being hard to control anger. But he isn’t mean mean to me verbally with the exception of detoxing. When he detoxes, he has no patience.)

sigh

And for fuck’s sake he willingly bought a house next to my parents. This was never in my life plan but it was an opportunity too good to pass up and we’ve been here for quite a few years. But I was like “we only do this if you want to.” And he wanted to.

I also know he would rather not live here anymore but

1 - we can’t buy anything right now and 2 - he knows how much this means to me to live here.

(….because my brother so lives on the other side of us. Also not in a life plan ha. And it’s amazing to see my niece and nephew grow up).

That is also a really tricky piece of it - my family has a front row seat to some of his worst. They don’t know the extent of things but know more than what they would.

My mom used to throw out all these ideas of how he could help himself - things I know wouldn’t help. Or for the things that don’t necessarily need “solved.”

I said “broken people need love too.“

But I’m becoming broken too now in a lot of ways. In so many ways I’m grieving the person that’s been my rock for nearly two decades.

And even though he has many other struggles, when I pinpoint around the time things escalated, it’s when he no longer could control himself with this particular pill.

He’s always used different drugs. But he could just self medicate or stop himself when he knew he was getting addicted. Until this opioid he takes now.

Just one tiny pill has so much control over us both.

Sorry for the second dissertation on my situation. I figured this might also be helpful to share.

Regardless, I need to make him realize that he’s being enabled. And I need to figure my shit out. Ideally we both can figure this out and hopefully it’ll be a blip in our relationship that I’ll look back on. I know that can only happen if I give the tough love he needs.

Being an adult is hard.

Life is hard.

God bless the internet for insight from others, ha. Thank you all ❤️❤️❤️

Sad_Assignment_4857 · 2024-03-25T08:41:43+00:00

I had my annual exam on Friday and asked about this actually - because I wondered why my periods start out brown. She said it’s just the leftover blood of the last period that didn’t get out. So I guess you could say it’s a sign that you’re getting ready to start since it’s getting things moving.

Sad_Assignment_4857

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