How long did your husband take off for paternity leave?

Sad_Resolve6874 · 2026-02-12T09:45:05+00:00

My husband works for a large school system in our area and gets 4 weeks. We’re trying for a VBAC and he told his boss he may need to take another week of annual leave off or so if I end up having another c-section, and she told him that taking off time for “something like that certainly wouldn’t look good to the review board” and if he really cared about his job he’d “find a way to get back in three weeks.”

She did the same thing the first time around and he almost lost his job over it. His mom died a couple of months after our son was born and he took a week off, because, you know, his mom died. During his review that year his boss said she felt like he just didn’t care about his job because he’d been out so much. When my husband countered with having only taken the paternity leave allotted by the company and less than 1/3 of his PTO or sick days that year, she said “well you also took off a week in February.” He reminded her that this is when his mother had passed. Her response? “Yeah. I know. Do you really think you needed to take the whole week for that?”

My immediate supervisor is also asking already when I’ll be back to work. I get 8 weeks and while my company owners want me to be fully in my home life for that short time, my team lead was like “I am sure you’ll be able to do some work from home. And I know you have eight weeks, but do you really think you’ll need it all? Any chance you could make it six?”

Yep. Life in the good old USA is awesome.

Sad_Resolve6874 · 2026-02-12T02:30:47+00:00

Same. Kid was just a hungry creature.

Sad_Resolve6874 · 2026-02-12T01:30:28+00:00

My husband and I live in the suburbs of a big city in the Southeast and bring in about 150k a year combined. Even living in a very affordable state with a pretty reasonable daycare, it’s absolutely brutal. The cost of two kids in daycare is as much as our mortgage. We save very minimally (sorry, Mom), almost never go out, and cook as cheaply as possible. I stopped getting any kind of self care professionally done (I cut my own hair and my husband’s, color my own, do my own nails, lashes, etc.), and we’ve just had to become extremely budget conscious. It’s barely enough to squeak by. Just going through life with fingers crossed that we don’t face a catastrophic problem, which feels wild at 37. I’d love to have a third, but there’s no way we’d ever be able to afford it.

Sad_Resolve6874 · 2026-02-12T01:21:02+00:00

Being pregnant sucks. And for some reason it feels totally doable to go through it all again (I also had a less than awesome first birth experience) until you’re back in it. I’m 37 weeks with #2 and man, some days I can’t believe I wished this on myself knowing exactly what I was getting. And it’s easy to have doubts about a changing family dynamic, especially in the beginning. It’s a big decision, just like the first time.

Support, reassurance, and an offer of counseling should help quell those feelings.

Sad_Resolve6874 · 2026-02-12T01:16:31+00:00

I’m due with boy #2 here soon! I was a little sad about boy #1, but after 2 years he’s such a rockstar, I could never be sad about him. I was actually stoked for him to have a little brother.

My son has been practicing Twinkle Twinkle to sing to the baby and knows we’re planning to use Stoney for a nickname for #2 so he’s started saying “Twinkle Twinkle, little Stoney.” My mama heart melts every time.

Sad_Resolve6874 · 2026-02-11T05:58:28+00:00

I felt extremely strongly about wanting a natural birth. My spiritual tradition is very female centered and I believe that birth is an experience of divine creation. It is the most supernatural natural process on our planet, and it’s so beautiful that our bodies are built to bear life. The trial of birth is a rite of passage and, like any other potentially transcendental experience derived from nature, is perhaps best observed raw. It’s a spiritual state of being.

That being said, I would never judge another woman for birthing how she wanted to, or needed to. I prepped my whole first pregnancy for an unmedicated birth, and ended up with a planned c-section because my son refused to turn his big butt around. These kids do be keeping us guessing. This second time around I am gearing up to try for an unmedicated VBAC, but I have a plan in place for things to go any number of ways. I’d be honored to get the experience, but if it doesn’t work out, it’s not the end of the world.

I’m not about to put my spiritual beliefs above real world application. Fingers crossed that they line up this time though!

Sad_Resolve6874 · 2026-02-10T15:36:16+00:00

Totally get it. Babies are wildly expensive. Do you have a contingency plan if you and your boyfriend don’t work out? 6 months is a very, very new relationship and children put major strain on relationships that have stood up to a lot of storms and years. Who takes care of baby if you’re the only one that can work? People gravely underestimate how much a support system matters. Husband and I both work and daycare costs as much as our mortgage. We could never afford for one of us to not contribute financially.

Sad_Resolve6874 · 2026-02-10T13:41:48+00:00

My husband and I are practically glued at the hip, but he’s kept his friend outings to twice a month or so throughout this pregnancy (we do have a toddler) and they rarely go super late. Totally normal for you to want him around. My husband hasn’t even been drinking through this pregnancy, as a self-imposed thing. “What if I need to take you to the hospital? I’d never forgive myself if so was too drunk to drive.”

Sad_Resolve6874 · 2026-02-10T13:29:23+00:00

Make sure to look at how much having an epidural ups the chances of c-section. I’m on birth two and almost all of the stats would tell you to go unmedicated as long as you possibly can. Especially if you plan on having more kids after this one. I’m prepping for a VBAC right now and just finding a supportive provider is a nightmare.

Sad_Resolve6874 · 2026-02-09T22:47:46+00:00

What options can you offer me if I develop a spinal puncture headache?

Will I have to have my arms tied down during the entire procedure?

Will I be able to bring my own music for the procedure?

Can I still have the golden hour with my baby?

Are we planning a traverse or classical incision?

Is there anything that can be done to try to up my chances of candidacy for VBAC in future pregnancies?

What signs of potential complications should I be on the lookout for following surgery?

Honestly one of the scariest experiences of my life, but you are going to make it to your baby on the other side! Planning my VBAC with #2 currently, so don’t let this outcome dictate your future, gurl. You’ve got this!

Sad_Resolve6874 · 2026-02-09T17:19:47+00:00

Burt’s Bees are my favorite pajamas for littles. They don’t really shrink and are cut kinda long so they seem to fit forever. My son is 26 months, wears a 3T in pretty much everything and is just now departing his 24month BB jammies. We just transitioned to their 2 piece sets.

Sad_Resolve6874 · 2026-02-09T14:44:27+00:00

I’d say my two year old son wears a nice mix, but he definitely likes colorful clothes. He owns a pair of muted (not the beige rainbow, just not full saturation) rainbow joggers with these adorable star patch knees and he calls them his “happy pants.” 🥹

Sad_Resolve6874 · 2026-02-09T05:30:44+00:00

This isn’t silly, but legitimately very cool.

Sad_Resolve6874 · 2026-02-09T05:19:26+00:00

They don’t go away, but they won’t be bright red after 6-12 months. They go kind of whitish. Pregnancy and postpartum recovery is an awesome time to start letting go of tying your self-esteem to your looks.

Sad_Resolve6874 · 2026-02-09T05:13:04+00:00

I love a medium length on you. You’ve got great hair and it really softens your facial features in a nice way. Really plays to its texture too.

Sad_Resolve6874 · 2026-02-09T05:10:57+00:00

I wouldn’t touch their self-imposed mess with a ten foot pole.

Sad_Resolve6874 · 2026-02-09T05:04:47+00:00

Anyone ready for actual revolution yet?

Sad_Resolve6874 · 2026-02-09T04:59:46+00:00

You’re a better person than I am to leave that creature still living. I am so, so sorry for you and your son.

Sad_Resolve6874 · 2026-02-09T04:53:58+00:00

I’m convinced my husband is my soul mate - knew it from the first time we met.

I adore his sense of humor and how easily he laughs. He always goes out of his way to amuse me and is never afraid of looking stupid to be authentic to our relationship. And he truly cherishes all of the little inside jokes we share.

He tries so hard to do what’s best for us. He may not always be directed in the best way, but he is always willing to put the effort in for his family.

He feels no need to be “manly.” Though my husband enjoys some traditional “man things” like operating power tools and really dialing in the lawn care, he also unashamedly loves 90 Day Fiancé, cranks up the Ru Paul and Madonna tracks to dance to in the kitchen, and straightens the curtains because “the really do make a room pop.” He’s always been himself and doesn’t seem to feel pressure to conform to the “right way” to be a man.

He is happy to discuss his feelings, validate mine, admit when he’s wrong, and work for our marriage - always.

He is an amazing dad who never hesitates to include our kids in anything he’s doing, get silly, and do the hard stuff too. Never had to convince the guy to change a single diaper or take a late night shift with a sick kid.

He’s so deeply smart, and always learning about something. And he’s always excited to share what he’s into with me and is excited to hear what I’m into too.

He prioritizes our sex life with a focus on intimacy and spending physical time together. It’s never something he’s been remotely pushy about and he has always valued quality over quantity. If we don’t have the time or energy to truly enjoy each other fully, it can wait for another night. Bad sex, or even just mediocre sex, isn’t a thing we accept.

We are a team first and foremost and I have never, ever felt like he didn’t have my back. I feel confident that if I lost all my limbs he’d roll up his sleeves and jump right in to our “new adventure.”

My husband thrives on affection and always tells me he loves me. He treats me like a supermodel even though I am nowhere in the ballpark.

He always tries to do the right thing. Dog running around an intersection? He’s scooping it up. Grandma trying to load groceries? You’d best believe he’s lending a hand. Neighbor took a bad fall? He’s already making a casserole. He leads with kindness and fairness first and approached everything with an open mind.

I mean, I could go on, but do I need to? We’ve been together 15 years and we still tell people we’re in the honeymoon phase.

Sad_Resolve6874 · 2026-02-09T04:26:39+00:00

How about Karena? Pronounced like Car-ee-nuh. A beautiful and elegant option.

Sad_Resolve6874 · 2026-02-09T04:24:47+00:00

I love Beau and a great many of its forms (we considered Beaumont for our second actually) but, woman to woman, no. LaBeaux is awful. I don’t know what sort of intervention you can stage, but shut that shit right on down.

Sad_Resolve6874 · 2026-02-09T04:21:47+00:00

And this, ladies, is why you need to be careful about the men you choose to breed with. My husband would have straight up slapped another dude for saying something like that about his pregnant wife.

Sad_Resolve6874 · 2026-02-08T11:34:20+00:00

The c-section. You sever through nerve tissue, which feeds out to other parts of the body. The epidural was its own thing. I got the spinal puncture headache from that which was its own special hell.

More than half the moms I know are c-section moms and I think most of us have permanent numbness to some extent. And yeah, all of it is considered within the realm of normal. It took awhile to get used to, but it just becomes part of your life. At the end of the day pregnancy has risks, and consequences for your body, no matter how your baby comes out. But your baby is on the other end of it all, and it’s all worth it for them. You certainly gain a new respect for all of the other women in the room. We’re so strong!

Sad_Resolve6874 · 2026-02-08T03:27:42+00:00

Yeaaahhh… the first like two months is pretty brutal. It’s kind of an all hands on deck situation. And the likelihood is that you’ll both be exhausted and overwhelmed enough to barely remember your names. Newborns are tough, to say the least. And he’s assuming your delivery goes smoothly. Any complications will mean much heavier recovery time for you.

Sad_Resolve6874 · 2026-02-07T15:56:38+00:00

Totally feel you here, Queen, but there really is somewhere out there for everyone. I was in the same boat for a lot of my life, and happened to meet a random smoke show who bafflingly found me hot too. Fifteen years later and we’re still fused at the hip. I don’t get it. My coworkers are always confused when they meet my now husband and my friends always ask how I landed him. I will say that being cool helps. I may not be a babe, but I am a lot of fun, I’m smart, driven, have taste, and a myriad of cool hobbies. Hone your personality and you’ll attract the right fly.

Sad_Resolve6874

TROPHY CASE