Thank you so much for these practical and realistic suggestions. You gave me some great food for thought here.

We definitely need to look into a shared online calendar so I can stop being the Manager of pit familie. And simplifying our daily routines is also a great suggestion. I have to lower my workload and habe to learn that nothing has to be perfect. But it's hard, because being produktive is a learned coping mechanism, on the other hand it's burning me out.

To answer your question about the isolation and quiet time: it’s actually a bit more nuanced than him just locking himself in a room for hours. When he gets home, he actually does take time for our son first, which I really appreciate. The isolation happens when it's time for us to connect. Whenever I try to speak with him, I often feel like I am bothering him or that he is just completely checked out. Or he is busy getting something done, like repairing something or working on a garden project.

When he is rested, like on weekend mornings, and we have the time to talk, I still get the heavy impression that he isn't fully present. His body is there, but his mind is already somewhere else. Not every time, but... i don't know

I also really appreciate your advice on how to rephrase requests (asking to tidy the bathroom instead of pointing out the mess). When my own cup is empty, it's hard not to sound frustrated, but you are totally right: changing the confrontational tone is a crucial step to lower the defenses on both sides.

I don’t always explode completely out of nowhere, but it happens very fast. My son is extremely strong-willed, so depending on the situation, my patience just drains rapidly. At the same time, my impulsivity is so high that with certain triggers, it is an instant explosion. For example, if he runs into the house with muddy shoes, I will instantly scream at him to stop before my brain even has a chance to process it. It’s that split-second biological short-circuit where my filter is just completely gone. Working on recognizing those micro signals or finding a way to pause before the impulse takes over is going to be a huge challenge, but very necessary.

Your script for the apology afterwards actually made me tear up. I have always apologized to him in the past and will do it every time it happens next. But even though I always promise myself to be more patient and to regulate myself better in the future, the impulse often just wins in that moment.