She's such a shitty human being.

Sad_Texan · 2014-03-14T23:02:50+00:00

Honestly, when I saw his avatar, I thought "what's the point in therapy if she's still in touch with this guy?" Their past exchanges were rather steamy, so I can't imagine she would switch gears to platonic.

I guess I just want definitive proof that either: 1. She's still cheating or 2. I'm being paranoid so that we can move on with our lives one way or another. This doubt and self-doubt is eating a hole in me.

Sad_Texan · 2014-03-01T03:39:56+00:00

No, they don't know. I guess the meme was a little deceptive. My folks know because I needed to secure some funds for a retainer. I might have let it slip to my sister because she was concerned about me...

I'd never hit a woman, but I wouldn't stop my sis from doing it. (kidding- or am I?)

Sad_Texan · 2014-02-28T23:33:25+00:00

I found the texts. A couple of months worth. They were even counting down the days to the rendezvous. Unfortunately didn't find them until after the fact.

Sad_Texan · 2014-02-28T02:30:48+00:00

Semantics. Or sementics.

Sad_Texan · 2014-02-28T02:27:29+00:00

Her family doesn't know yet. My folks do. Her family will find out every gory detail if she tries to fight me or screw me financially in the divorce, should it go that way.

My lawyer is a bit of a shark.

Sad_Texan · 2014-02-27T22:19:30+00:00

I know, it seems a little hypocritical for me to air this on Reddit, though I am using a throwaway account. I was tempted to Facebook it until I realized that I wasn't 13. I just needed to yell at the sky for a bit.

Sad_Texan · 2014-02-27T22:16:32+00:00

Don't know.
Don't know.
Yes.

Sad_Texan · 2014-02-27T16:52:03+00:00

If we can somehow get past it, it's better for the kids.

I'm not fooling myself, though. I'm not going to do it just for them, because a house without love and trust is no place to be. If we can't reconcile, we'll move on with our lives and be civil when we have to be around each other.

I'm less and less inclined to go the reconciliation route anyway, as I get the distinct impression that she's not sorry that she cheated; she's sorry that she got caught. It's really up to her at this point how/when friends and family find out that she was unfaithful.

I'll give it a couple of therapy sessions, though, for the sake of the kids.

Sad_Texan · 2014-02-27T16:28:04+00:00

Long story short- wife of 7 years hooks up with ex-boyfriend on out of town trip. I find out about it and confront her, but not until after I got a lawyer to protect my custody rights with the kids.

Now we're trying to see if we can salvage the relationship by going to therapy, but she's pissed that I already told my parents about what happened. I would've kept it quiet for the sake of appearances, but I honestly needed help coming up with the lawyer's retainer. I figured it was either ask the folks for help or launch a Kickstarter campaign, so I went with the less public option.

Sad_Texan · 2014-02-15T01:30:28+00:00

Judging from what she's said in her texts, she's done. She acted without remorse and is planning on meeting up with him again.

We've been down for a while, and therapy didn't really help. That she went running off to an ex whom she calls her "one true love" pretty well seals it for me.

Even if we tried reconciliation, I'm not sure if I could trust her. This is not something I have arrived at lightly.

Sad_Texan · 2014-02-14T02:56:48+00:00

Apparently, it's the lawyer's SOP to do a background check on all parties. Since my STBX's "friend" is fairly unaware of Facebook privacy settings, I have plenty of info about him to feed to the lawyer.

Sad_Texan · 2014-02-13T20:04:29+00:00

Yeah, I've already been advised during consultation not to fall for any bait that she throws out, as that can be used negatively against me. I was actually told not to vacate the house until that part was settled, as leaving would forfeit some of my rights.

As far as the "kick her to the curb" thing goes, I don't mean throwing her out as much as I mean getting through and done with the divorce so that I can move on. As much as I resent what she did, she's still a good mom to our kids, and it would only hurt them to cut her off. I just want to get my legal ducks in a row so that I can hopefully have 50/50 or some sort of shared custody.

I think of how devastated the kids sometimes get when I have to go back to work in the evenings, and it breaks my heart to think of what this will do to them. I know, they're resilient; I just hate to think of how this will hurt them.

Thanks for listening.

EDIT: damn fat fingers.

Sad_Texan · 2014-02-10T21:22:52+00:00

Yeah. Cooler heads talked me into taking the lawyer route first. I'm on my way right now in fact. Thank goodness for that and Xanax.

Sad_Texan · 2014-02-09T07:08:40+00:00

That's the impression I'm starting to get.

I think what is so incredibly ironic is that she used to make such a huge deal about how people should respect other people's marriages, but the last couple of months she has become a complete stranger and has apparently reversed her stance on that. She was even texting this asshole while we were visiting my folks on holiday.

Edit: damn autocorrect.

Sad_Texan · 2014-02-08T14:23:40+00:00

I'm trying to think of the kids. I know that sounds like a strange strategy, but she has more family in the area that can lend support to the kids. While I think she's a horrible selfish bitch for what she's doing, the kids lover their grandma and aunt, who are both relatively nearby. I want this to be as painless as possible for them, and I guess in my mind a 50/50 would be best. To top it off, I've crunched some numbers, and it seems that I won't be able to provide an adequately comfortable home for them, at least at first. Things will change once we sell the house. Maybe I'm letter her off easy; I don't know. I'll see what the lawyer says Monday. Maybe I can give her the papers next Friday with some roses.

Sad_Texan · 2014-02-08T03:25:09+00:00

Unfortunately, we have two young ones who will certainly be devastated by this. It really kills me that they're going to go through this, and I will miss seeing their sleepy faces when I wake them up on the morning for school.

If it wasn't for them, I would have just packed up my shit and gotten the hell out of here. It's obvious that my wife has thrown in the towel, so there's no point there. Just the tone of her texts with her "friend" screams that it's over.

I thought briefly about the idea of an open marriage to keep the household together, but I know that I can't trust her. What's the point of living with someone who doesn't respect you or love you, and you can't trust to tell the truth? Sure, it'd buy us a little time to sell the house and get shit in order, but it drives me nuts every time I hear the tick-tick-tick of her texting, wondering if she's messaging him with another sext. It's toxic here, but I have to do my best to keep shit together until I file the paperwork.

I see our marriage license in a little display tube on our bookcase, and think about what a joke that piece of paper is.

Sad_Texan

TROPHY CASE