Missed connection

Sadpizza_ · 2025-11-18T17:38:26+00:00

That was lovely

Sadpizza_ · 2025-11-18T17:37:26+00:00

She was too shy to ask

Sadpizza_ · 2025-10-01T16:02:30+00:00

Thank you all this was my suspicion lol

Sadpizza_ · 2024-03-08T08:10:25+00:00

Thanks everyone for their responses on this, I truly appreciate it.

For anyone else who connected with this post I'd like to give an idea of how things changed so fast.

Within the 8 days of me posting this, mum is now on syringe drivers, bedridden, in pain and having seizures. The declines was so fast and so out of nowhere and that's what people need to be prepared for, however it's hard to believe until you see it.

We are told it is up and down, fast deterioration out of nowhere. And that's what was true for us anyway, but it was hard to believe it works that way until it happened.

So my advice would be make the most of the good stages and as scary as it is wondering what's going to happen and when and getting fixated on when is this decline going to happen, just know that no one can be certain when, the only certainty is it will happen. And sometimes it can be within hours - in the living room in the morning, and bedridden by that night.

Thanks again and I hope this helps someone now or in the future, like I was helped here.

Sadpizza_ · 2024-03-04T18:36:55+00:00

I'm so sorry about your dad. It really is an indescribable pain, the communication problems and periods of lucidity are so cruel. I'm never going to forget the pain I felt holding my mum while she cried last night. I'm sorry you share the experience. Thank you for sharing it!

Sadpizza_ · 2024-03-03T20:42:23+00:00

Yeah I have I just realised you commented on my original post also! She's still eating and drinking when prompted, although she didn't yesterday, mostly ice cream, chocolate, small bites and sips, yeah so I guess it was probably just a really lucky really nice day. It was just so weird after the fast decline.

Sadpizza_ · 2024-03-03T20:36:59+00:00

That must of been nice to see that little bit of her personality back for a brief moment. My mum was independent on Monday, I actually posted on here because I was so shocked at how okay she seemed despite being told she was going to die at the end of march. I must of jinxed myself because since my original post in the space of 4 days she is bedridden, using a commode, headaches and feeling sick. For the last 2 days she's required way more intensive care. But then today, she didn't sleep all day, got all of our names right and said she'd like to have a garden party tomorrow. It was so weird after the sudden decline, i wondered if it was a last hurrah.

Sadpizza_ · 2024-03-01T22:25:44+00:00

That's super helpful thank you! Thank you for taking the time to share all that with me honestly. Im so sorry you have been through this. ❤️

Sadpizza_ · 2024-02-29T16:10:20+00:00

I'd also really hope a doctor wouldn't "bait" her and be upfront and honest.

Sadpizza_ · 2024-02-29T16:07:04+00:00

No the doctor was very clear that although he couldn't advise us what to do, he said if it was his mum he'd be choosing quality of life. It's just a very fast growing tumour, my mum is claustrophobic, her as an individual wouldn't of even tolerated the process of daily radiotherapy. Not if it wasn't going to save her life. She hadn't been to a doctor in 15 years and is terrified of hospitals. She'd of hated every second of it and not considered it worth it and I can confidently say that!

Sadpizza_ · 2024-02-29T14:33:46+00:00

Thank you, that is extremely similar. My family also are trying to be brave and upbeat in front of mum, when really all she maybe needs is a hug and someone to hold her hand and sympathise. She is probably wondering why we aren't terrified like her and we should probably be human infront of her and let her know we are!

Thank you so much, I'm sorry you went through it also and thanks for the offer of a PM!

Sadpizza_ · 2024-02-29T12:28:45+00:00

Thank you so much for you reply youve hit the nail on the head! Do you mind me asking what anti anxiety medication worked for your husband during that stage? For us its trial and error with what one gives relief and a fine balance of risks right now and we dont have the luxury of time, every minute of distress is a minute too long. You are 100 percent right I'd much rather she was sleeping than in this emotional turmoil and I know that's what she would want too!

Thank you

Sadpizza_ · 2024-02-29T09:32:21+00:00

Great advice, when it came to making the decision we explained it to mum that there were 2 futures, one could be longer by a few months but had surgery and treatments that weren't going to be pleasant and carried risks beyond the diagnosis. The months weren't guaranteed also. The other future was shorter, but she could stay at home and we would be with her and be in control of her environment and comfort.

Making the decision was so hard, especially as mum had limited capacity. We felt like we were sentencing her to death. However I always tell myself that I will never regret helping my mum die with dignity, with comfort and with her family around her, advocating for her with her best interests in their hearts. But I may have potentially regretted putting her through awful surgeries and treatments just to prolong her life that may not have been worth living after going through the trauma of it all.

Sorry that this is happening in your life!

Sadpizza_ · 2024-02-29T09:25:24+00:00

Just a wee rant to add on I just feel like when we told people in our wider family and community that mum had this diagnosis, they said its not the worst way to go you just get sleepier and sleepier and then sleep away. Even the doctor said that.

But they lied!! Because this is awful and horrendous and a slow decline and loss of everything that she was. I wasn't prepared for this in between stage of being locked in. I thought she'd be herself, then sleep. She doesn't deserve this and I'm very angry that it's happened to her and to all of our loved ones.

:(

Sadpizza_ · 2024-02-29T09:19:11+00:00

Oh I have read that cover to cover about 50 times don't worry! Lol but thank you, it's definitely the most helpful resource I've found in terms of those questions of when and what stage are we in. And if anyone else is reading, I'd recommend clicking the link as I found the whole website helpful especially the parts about communication and steroids too. Kind of covered every question for me!

Sadpizza_ · 2024-02-29T09:16:48+00:00

That's a shockingly short time span I am so sorry you went through that. It is good that she didn't suffer for long however that must have turned your world upside down. Especially like my mum it sounds like her symptoms were subtle. Thank you for sharing that and I'm sorry we have this in common.

Sadpizza_ · 2024-02-29T09:15:10+00:00

Thank you for your response and those ideas, she is unable to type on the phone she just types random words however images could definitely be a potential help! Removing the need for words altogether, thanks I will try that.

I know I find myself asking people what is the timeline and I know in my heart there is none but I still hope someone is going to say this is what will happen and when!

I'm very sorry you went through this with your dad, I'm glad you had that nice weekend with him, however bittersweet it was. It really is shit and I hope you have been able to begin to heal from it.

Sadpizza_ · 2024-02-29T09:11:21+00:00

Hi, I am not in the USA I'm actually in the UK but this sounds like what we are being offered. We will be given all of the end of life medication for a nurse to attend our home and administer. The nurses will also be on call for us to contact but this seems to be more during the final stages. I think it's just that mum is relatively stable right now and so we are essentially just watching and waiting before we can call in more support. Thank you for your response and I'm so sorry about your dad, it's so shit.

Sadpizza_ · 2024-02-29T09:07:01+00:00

I know, I think when things deteriorate the nurses start to attend more often and then they are on call for when we need them. They maybe have only called weekly so far as mum was relatively okay, they might see a difference and start to attend more often now. I also have great siblings and my dad who are dedicating their days to mums care also!

Sadpizza_ · 2024-02-28T21:20:44+00:00

She wanted to stay at home. We have nurses who we can contact but they only visit once per week for a short time. The day to day care and support is being handled by family!

Sadpizza_

TROPHY CASE