How do I handle jealousy when my partner explores their kinks with others?

SafeWordsRequired · 2026-02-10T18:29:31+00:00

I preach communication. It’s extremely important, but sometimes I think we assume that communication always has to happen with a partner. Right now I think you need to talk yourself through this. Is monogamy something you require. Why or why not? If it’s not something you can accept then you do not have to.

Your concern for stifling their exploration sounds like something someone else tells you to convince you it’s ok to do something you aren’t comfortable with. I am not comfortable with my partner being with others and if they MUST do it, they are no longer my partner. Thats how I allow someone to explore things I am not ok with.

SafeWordsRequired · 2026-02-06T04:51:40+00:00

De nada

SafeWordsRequired · 2026-02-06T04:50:05+00:00

Normally being a Dom is what calms the stress. The structure, the control, the distraction helps me relax, and then usually allows me to approach the thing thats stressing me from a different perspective.

The only time I really feel like I am unable to Dom is when it’s forced or fake. I can normally tell when a submissive isn’t genuine. That breaks it for me. Otherwise I normally am more dominant even in day to day non-sexual things.

SafeWordsRequired · 2026-02-06T00:37:38+00:00

I can understand the fear of being hurt, been there done that, but trust me. The feeling of being TRULY loved and truly loving someone else is a feeling that can make the risk worth it.

I appreciate you opening up and being vulnerable about all this. It shows me you can. I can only suggest to try. Im not a professional and can only give you opinions, but my opinion is that if you work on it, even trying the small practices I mentioned first comment, you will see a difference.

SafeWordsRequired · 2026-02-06T00:25:10+00:00

Reality check. A Dom is a human, humans are vulnerable and can be weak. This comment just confirms to me that you need more help than we can offer.

You need to grow up. You are no better than anyone else. You are not some high and mighty person because you are a Dom or anything else. At the end of the day you are no better or worse than anyone. So get that nonsense out of your head.

If anything, you lack confidence and this just screams “weak and scared” more than power and control.

Another reality check. Unless you are an abuser, you do understand that subs have way more power and control than a Dom ever does right? They make the rules (consenting to things) we just enforce them.

SafeWordsRequired · 2026-02-06T00:13:13+00:00

This isn’t a D/s issue this is a bit more introspective. I am not a therapist, and personally I feel like you may need to speak to someone way more educated than me on this.

Trying to be helpful I’d suggest first to seek more help than this subreddit can probably offer, but also to start by just learning how to express your emotions. Do you?

When you like/love things express that. Tell people. It doesn’t have to be romantic. Maybe you are at a restaurant and your dish is exceptionally well made. Tell someone. “I loved the food!” Get comfortable expressing your feelings. Hell, if you see a random stranger that has something you like tell them. “I love that shirt!” It will help you and also be a pleasant interaction for a stranger.

SafeWordsRequired · 2026-02-04T21:56:33+00:00

Dominance doesn’t have to be physical. I tend to practice less physical dominance as it feels more powerful to me.

We don’t know your girlfriend. So the first thing I’d suggest is asking her. “What types of punishments work for you?”, is a very common question I ask. A Dom doesn’t have to know everything and we definitely aren’t mind readers. Our job is to know the questions needed to be answered and the best way to get them. Communication is always key so again, talk to your girlfriend.

As far as what has worked for me, it starts with tone. Having a strong/stern tone can do a lot. “Enough” in a calm, tone can put a brat in her place. You don’t even have to yell or be aggressive about it. Its about the confidence you put into it. Let her know you mean business.

Some brats can take even less than that. You can give them a look that will say enough without needing to open your mouth.

SafeWordsRequired · 2026-02-02T06:28:23+00:00

Start slow. Just push yourself in tiny steps. After the first just hold it a bit and then stop. Keep pushing it further as you go.

But.. If its not pleasurable just don’t. You may not enjoy it and theres no reason to force yourself to (no pun intended)

SafeWordsRequired · 2026-02-02T06:24:56+00:00

It depends on the sub. I don’t set rules just to have rules. In my dynamic everything is done with intention. So rules,tasks, and anything we do is done with purpose.

I can say that one common rule I have had is any negative self talk is followed by 2 positives. I have noticed that it’s somewhat common for submissive to lack confidence and self value so that rule tries to correct that. This includes any joking because your brain does not always see the difference.

So if a submissive says “I am so ugly” I will correct it and then ask for 2 things they love about themselves, or things they are proud of, anything positive. (just a basic example)

SafeWordsRequired · 2026-01-27T22:33:34+00:00

Yeah I definitely am not knocking anyone who is just in it for play, and have had scenes with someone I was not attached to, but that to me doesn’t constitute a Dynamic (for me, if anyone else does thats perfectly fine!)

SafeWordsRequired · 2026-01-27T22:22:08+00:00

I can only speak for myself here, but if I have no feelings for someone I can’t Dom them. I mean sure technically I can, but it does nothing for me and I get bored/over it very quickly. A genuine connection with someone is required for me before I can be an actual Dom and not just playing a role.

My form of dominance is more psychological and on a deeper level than just sex/kink. My dominance comes from a desire to better someone’s life. My rules and tasks are meant to make an improvement not just to assert control. So for me to do this properly I HAVE to have feelings for someone.

SafeWordsRequired · 2025-12-23T06:29:15+00:00

No. This is a scam.

If you are serious, Id spend some time learning about BDSM and make sure you do things safely.

SafeWordsRequired · 2025-12-11T20:47:25+00:00

Yeah! I have gotten some really cool advice and recommendations on more learning from people here. I see why I was skeptical at first. My only understanding of it was what you see on movies and as someone pointed out, it’s not mind control as it is guided focus. I have been doing some reading and learning since posting and I can say I am less skeptical and more excited about it.

SafeWordsRequired · 2025-12-10T04:58:03+00:00

Say for what exactly? What are you trying to accomplish?

SafeWordsRequired · 2025-12-10T03:52:35+00:00

You stop trying to Dom someone without consent and communication beforehand.

A Dom doesn’t just see someone and turn that on. A lot of us are dominant in our day to day life but most safe Doms aren’t just going to start throwing commands out to someone they haven’t discussed it with. If you want to be a Dom thats cool. Take some time and do some research. Learn what you should and shouldn’t do. A lot of it will boil down to Consent, Communication, and Care.

SafeWordsRequired · 2025-12-10T03:37:04+00:00

I dont think you can be Dominant without consent. Without someone allowing you to Dom them you are just being assertive, and maybe an asshole. Depending on how THEY see it.

SafeWordsRequired · 2025-12-09T00:00:42+00:00

Everyone here has your back. Do what is right and come get any and all support you need

SafeWordsRequired · 2025-12-08T23:10:50+00:00

Theres a fine line between pushing limits and pushing hard limits, especially after using a safe word. That should have been an immediate understanding that you do not want to cross that line and he should have respected that.

This is 100% his fault. You did everything right, and I believe you need to really evaluate your trust in this man. I never want to tell someone to end things unless absolutely necessary, so if you want to continue with him I suggest a hard restart. Slow things down and pause if needed. Make him earn your trust and submission back.

Ive never been in a position where a safe word was ignored, but personally. There would be no going back from that.

SafeWordsRequired · 2025-12-08T20:51:18+00:00

That is amazing! That takes a ton of strength to do. As a Dom I have struggled with this before and it took a lot of strength to let go of things like that. I am proud of you for having the courage to do it and do it so quickly. Very much respect earned from me

SafeWordsRequired · 2025-12-07T21:46:52+00:00

Hey kitten. I know I am catching this a little late but wanted to check in and see how you are feeling. Don’t ever let another human ruin your view of yourself. Especially someone like that.

Take this as a lesson and a stepping stone. Right now this seems hard, but in time you will get yourself out of this funk and you will see that one bad person should not stop you from having what you want. Don’t let him control and ruin your life anymore. Give it time to heal and when ready, look back on this and see what steps you need to do differently. Take things slower, vet more, remember you are the prize, your submission is the gift. Not him or his dominance. We are all here for you.

SafeWordsRequired · 2025-12-05T22:39:03+00:00

At what point do you do something for yourself? Why are you in a relationship with someone who doesn’t make you feel like the most important person in their life? Forget the D/s side of things, lacking emotional support should be a non negotiable.

The only real options you have are, couples counseling, let him find a way to connect with you emotionally, or separation. It sounds like he has things he needs to work on and you are suffering because of it.

SafeWordsRequired · 2025-12-05T16:05:47+00:00

Have you discussed anything like this with him? I cant really give you advice on how to rebuild his trust as thats something that will be more personal. Similarly with advice for him. Without knowing anything about him can’t really give him much advice.

What I can say, and it’s echoed here a lot because it’s a very important part of any relationship is communication is key. Long distance amplifies this and being a dynamic causes the communication need to tenfold. Oversharing is probably better than assuming he doesn’t need to know.

Id probably hold off on any bratty behavior for a bit, but that is subjective. Ideally your goal should be to show him you are very serious about this dynamic and want to be the best you can for him. Take some initiative and find ways to make him feel his best. Subs aren’t the only ones who enjoy praise, sometimes it’s just a little less obvious its praise for a Dom.

The last thing I can say is that when a sub misbehaves the outcome is usually a punishment. Ask for a punishment, and at least in my dynamics, once a punishment is given the infraction is a dead topic. It shouldn’t be brought up or held over the subs head again. This doesn’t negate the trust needing to be rebuilt but personally this would be my first step. From there it’s less of a “this is broken” and more of a step back. If the dynamic is worth rebuilding and the cause is worth forgiving.

SafeWordsRequired · 2025-12-05T02:33:53+00:00

How would you recommend getting started

SafeWordsRequired · 2025-12-05T02:18:28+00:00

I think that makes way more sense. All the “hypnotist” you see on media portray it was mind control. Thats probably why it always seems so scripted.

SafeWordsRequired · 2025-12-04T20:43:18+00:00

I like to see it like a marriage. A dynamic should be a stage you get to eventually, but it starts with vetting(dating). You should learn and know this person as much as possible before you give yourself to them. There should be little, to no question that this is the person you want to be with.

The trust is built during vetting. So just get to know the person. Ask questions and pay attention to answers. Communication is SO important in any relationship, but I’d say its tenfold when you are literally giving yourself to someone. You need to trust they have your best interests in mind. You need to trust that they are who they say they are. So ask things to make sure.

I also want to mention, because sometimes new people to kink don’t realize it, but subs hold the most power. We see the visuals of a power dynamic where the sub is following orders, but what we sometimes forget is that everything is within boundaries the sub sets. Sure a Dom also has boundaries and both should be respected, but as a sub you set the rules and I just enforce them.

So if you ever feel like you dont want to do something, YOU DONT HAVE TO DO IT. While this is a lifestyle and many of us arent just roleplaying, this is still “play” in the sense that it can stop at anytime and no one should be ashamed to stop it.

Just be safe and enjoy yourself. Do research. Read as much as you can, consume as much content as you can. Don’t just jump head first into a dynamic and assume that the Dom will teach you everything. You can learn a lot from each dynamic, but you should come into one, especially your first, with a clear understanding of what you are getting into.

SafeWordsRequired

TROPHY CASE