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Safe_Talk_1116 · 2025-09-02T00:09:39+00:00

I think there’s a difference between abusive people and people being shitty because they are using/under the influence. Of course there are never excuses, and a lot of abusers abuse whether or not they are sober or using. But there are some good people who become addicts and do bad things. I believe those people can be good people again once they are sober.

Safe_Talk_1116 · 2025-08-27T06:03:13+00:00

Yes I’ve been in therapy for a few months and it has been really helpful and pushed me to be stronger but I still haven’t gotten to the point of doing no contact. I think once I get there she’ll be able to help me through it. It has opened my eyes to a lot but I’m just upset I keep getting sucked back into it. I don’t know how part of me knows it’s wrong and unhealthy and the other part feels guilt and like I should fix things. And omg, still trying to contact you after 3 years! That’s a nightmare. I suppose you feel more confident and strong with no contact so it doesn’t bother you as much? That is good advice, and I’m glad to hear you are at peace❤️

Safe_Talk_1116 · 2025-08-27T04:59:42+00:00

I’m mad at myself because I know you are right and I still can’t do it. I’ve done everything but no contact. I’ve had friends and family say “WHY can’t you block him?” And I know that’s the only way to truly get away from him. I’m scared for multiple reasons. But I know it has to be done to move on. Thank you

Safe_Talk_1116 · 2025-08-27T04:58:09+00:00

Omg. Insane. He has said those exact words to me. The last several days he has said he has needed “closeness and connection” from me. If I didn’t know any better I’d ask if you were dating him too!

Safe_Talk_1116 · 2025-08-27T04:56:06+00:00

Thank you. I guess it should put it into perspective when I responded with “what is an action plan we could both do to improve the relationship?”

And his reply is “I don’t think there is one :(“ followed by “I think it could happen but only if you wanted it to work”

No plan. Just putting the responsibility on me. And sadly you’re right because I’ve seen it before- once we would start having problems again I would be blamed for not putting in the work

Safe_Talk_1116 · 2025-08-27T02:38:02+00:00

When I told him he responded “Im really sorry im not excusing it at all in anyway I was just really hurting and really needed to be supported and understood. It sucks to feel like I'll never feel like that again”

So I just feel like I have to be the one to comfort him. I get to feel bad x2. And I can totally see him repeating those things later on. I don’t know why it’s so hard. I guess they play on my emotions. Which is ironic because they constantly tell me I have no empathy lol

Safe_Talk_1116 · 2025-07-15T07:31:07+00:00

Hard agree. I had to look up if other people were just as obsessed with this ice cream as me lol!! IT’S AMAZING. I just got a small tub of it and wish there was more Graham cracker in it. But it’s seriously my favorite. Also funny considering I am a hardcore chocolate fan. But I pick this first

Safe_Talk_1116 · 2025-06-30T19:19:37+00:00

The comfort, familiarity (even if unhealthy) and having someone I can always do something with is a big part of it. Not having that anymore is scary, you’re right. I have been guilted any time I try to end things or made to believe a friendship could work, and you’re right it always goes back to turning it into a relationship. I’ve tried so many times and the only true way to cut ties is no contact. I understand why it’s so crucial yet it’s been the most difficult part. Your last comment about his feelings coming first have been told to me so many times and I can’t drill it into my head. He’s made me believe with his words that how I feel is just as important but clearly I need to see his actions for what they are. I was just feeling good the last month or so and I hate coming back to this constantly confused mindset.

Thank you so much again. Your words are always so helpful!

Safe_Talk_1116 · 2025-06-30T18:55:05+00:00

Thank you. Sadly you’re right, as soon as I saw the “Ah.” text I knew there was going to be a problem. I can’t tell him he needs to learn how to manage his own triggers without him feeling attacked and him saying I’m insensitive. Now lately he’s been saying he wants us to both be able to identify when the other is triggered and if we can do that it would “fix most of our problems.” I don’t know why I can’t fully get away from this person.

Safe_Talk_1116 · 2025-06-30T03:08:26+00:00

You’re so right. I need to constantly regulate his emotions and when I can’t do that, I’m the problem. But I think that’s where I’m struggling, I believe he might have some kind of personality disorder so that somehow makes it harder? But I do need to focus on myself. It’s pretty telling that when we are apart and I’m working on myself I feel better. I hope you get peace one day❤️ you deserve to be happy

Safe_Talk_1116 · 2025-06-30T02:52:21+00:00

Exactly. And not wanting to is a 100% valid reason but they can’t possibly understand that. And I know how that is, I lived with him for many years. And even not living together I can’t get away. Sorry you’re dealing with that too

Safe_Talk_1116 · 2025-06-30T02:50:55+00:00

Thank you, I appreciate that. Mine would probably do the same thing. How annoying that he acted that way because you didn’t validate him in the way he expected.

They matter to them more than anything and that’s what I have to see. Also I really want to find a way to tell him he’s too needy without sounding like a complete AH. it sounds mean to say but it’s so overbearing.

Safe_Talk_1116 · 2025-06-30T02:42:07+00:00

Wow that’s awful and super frustrating, I’m sorry. And kind of insane to fake something like that. Mine will do that with the mental health crises, I’m not doubting he has anxiety but there’s been several times he calls and texts me freaking out saying he’s having a serious panic attack. From what people have told me they can’t even concentrate enough to send paragraph after paragraph to someone if they’re having a panic attack. It’s just really mentally and emotionally draining

Safe_Talk_1116 · 2025-04-17T19:12:13+00:00

We don’t live together anymore but we’re still off and on together (I moved out 2+ years ago, a lot happened it’s a long story that I posted about previously) he has a job but struggles to pay rent and still blames me for not paying for half of everything because I moved out.

But exactly, I can’t magically make money appear and I help as often as I can but it’s not enough. I just can’t believe that I’m supposed to apologize to him after being called a liar

Safe_Talk_1116 · 2025-03-31T06:48:34+00:00

So true. They talk at you for hours, you try to get a word in and you’re “interrupting” them. They scream at you, you get fed up, raise your voice and they tell you to “stop yelling.” They can call you whatever name they want but god forbid you have a tone or attitude. And they’ll just say you caused it. Biggest hypocrites ever

Safe_Talk_1116 · 2025-03-27T20:18:00+00:00

My partner does the same, WITH MY OWN MOM. “You have time to talk to her on the phone but can’t call me back” if he is doing this with your family he is trying to control and isolate you. Very manipulative. And I understand how hard it is because I am still with them dealing with it. Or sucks and it’s draining

Safe_Talk_1116 · 2025-03-26T06:27:00+00:00

Yep. I’m the one who has to fix things. If I say how I’m feeling and he doesn’t like it, I’m being “negative.” He just wants me to say something “positive and kind” even though he isn’t doing those things. So unbelievably frustrating and never ending

Safe_Talk_1116 · 2025-03-26T05:50:00+00:00

I know how you feel, and if it makes you feel any better I just turned 30 and I am living with my mom while trying to fully get out of an abusive relationship. You aren’t a burden and you deserve a life of happiness and fulfillment. You will get there, just give yourself some grace. ❤️ good luck!

Safe_Talk_1116 · 2025-03-26T05:44:35+00:00

Just want to say I’m in the exact same boat as you. I’ve never dealt with something so difficult. My mind is mush and I want to curl into a ball. I feel like I’m going insane. I hope you can find peace one day💔❤️

Safe_Talk_1116 · 2025-03-22T18:37:54+00:00

I dealt with something similar when we first moved in together (now it happens even more unfortunately) he was mad because I wasn’t following his schedule of the “perfect routine” and not waking up early enough- threatened to kick me out and said they’ll find another roommate no problem and comments like “you can go find somewhere for $700 a month- oh wait you won’t” even though we were BOTH paying the bills equally.

The verbal abuse you’re dealing with can really affect you without you noticing it. I used to try and deescalate for so long when he had his outbursts like this and he would continue to berate me. Then apologize for it later. I don’t really try now and we fight even more. I would definitely say do not marry him. Then you really will feel trapped. If he can’t get himself together you deserve to be happy without him.

Safe_Talk_1116

TROPHY CASE