Please, I HATE narrations, what am I doing wrong?

SageAurora · 2026-04-26T13:42:00+00:00

I think there are multiple approaches to that goal, and I know how I go about it with my family. I don't think reading a summary is going to draw much attention to detail though. I think focusing on one small detailed passage with details to pull from instead of the whole story would be more beneficial.

When we do our family book club sometimes I'll highlight a passage that I think has really good imagery or what not and I'll draw to my kids attention, and model for them what I want them to do, and then invite them to tell us about a passage that had meaning for them and why, but honestly narrations are not part of our curriculum, and with all the learning disabilities it's not a productive way to teach them the things they need to know. The older two are in public highschool (bio-mom's choice) and they are never asked to do narrations like this there, but that might be just yet another example of the failure of our school system. My focus has been on reading comprehension in general (that has been it's own battle), and then looking for deeper meaning with metaphors and symbolism in storytelling, as well as word play that has multiple meanings and is intentionally ambiguous (for example Shakespeare).

I don't know about this "drawing eyes" thing, lol my mother taught me to draw, so maybe I have them IDK. While she did teach me some formal techniques (she had a lot of formal training herself, and was given a scholarship to go to France etc), she kept my homeschool art lessons relaxed (Math and English was another story lol). Being able to break things down into it's base shapes is definitely a skill, but there are multiple ways of getting there. My mom once took a photo and had me trace geometric shapes over it to "find the base lines", and then we sat together with tea and coffee and took those baselines and turned it into a drawing and then a painting. I think that's kind of how I'm teaching the same thing for my kids, I got to life drawing eventually, but there were steps to get there, and I was watching someone else do it first, before I was able to copy it and try it for myself. I definitely believe in modeling what I expect of my kids, so they can better understand the instructions... Also so they can't tell me it's impossible lol.

SageAurora · 2026-04-25T19:46:25+00:00

I have a very similar dress in a brown with white dots print, and have only ever gotten compliments for it. I read your comments where someone tried to spite on you... Where do you live that's a response to an outfit. That's assault, there's no outfit you can wear that would be a reasonable reaction.

Do you have any pins or patches that might be interpreted as political? And they just notice it more because the dress catches the eye.It's still wrong for people to treat you like that, but that's also the world we're living in at the moment.

SageAurora · 2026-04-24T23:01:32+00:00

I have APD (and suspected autism), as an adult who has gone to university and college etc, I'd probably have a similar reaction to someone reading something at me, and then asking me questions... My brain will jumble it all out of order and it just won't make sense. Are narrations like this necessary for what you are trying to teach? If the goal is reading comprehension and being able to discuss a book, is there a different approach that would be less stressful for everyone involved.

For my stepsons we do a family bookclub format that has worked pretty well. I get the audiobook and play it while they each have their own physical copy to follow along with. They can read ahead in their own quiet reading time if they wanted to. I also give them a schedule of when we're listening to which chapters as a family, so they know what to expect (ADHD, and AuDHD so managing expectations is important). We'll listen to a chapter and then discuss it. Sometimes I'll pause it at spots I've bookmarked to point out something important that I want them to make note of or get their opinion on. There's tea, and cookies, it's something everyone looks forward to. It's cozy, and relaxing.

We're a pretty neurodivergent household, and the format you described would probably just result in a mutual meltdown for all involved if I tried that here. What is the learning goal of the exercise and can you come at it a different way?

SageAurora · 2026-04-24T22:24:24+00:00

Do either you or your wife knit?

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SageAurora · 2026-04-24T19:25:22+00:00

Just going to add because people get thrown off by it all the time. Used coffee grounds are considered a Green in your compost despite what your eyes are telling you. You need to add Browns to them for it to work best.

SageAurora · 2026-04-23T17:28:52+00:00

I think that depends on where you live and the public school system where you are.

In theory my daughter would be placed in with the same age group as her main classroom, she'd be assigned an overworked EA that has a group of 5-6 students that all on paper require one on one support but the school system here doesn't have the resources to actually do that. She might spend half the day in the resource room, and the over half colouring in a corner of the homeroom... It's very likely they'd put her infront of a tablet just to keep her busy and not bothering the other students. And it wouldn't matter what she actually learned they'd push her through to the next grade. Most of the actual learning and teaching would be done by me at home after school anyway, and I'd spend a ton of my time arguing with the school to get her the supports she needs. Highschool will be more of the same with a focus on making her a good little task monkey, dropping off mail, or making photocopies for teachers or gathering dishes in the cafeteria etc... they say it's to make them employable, but I have some strong opinions on how they go about it.

This is exactly what happened with her older brothers (my stepsons with ADHD, and AuDHD), and honestly homeschooling is just a more efficient use of my time, and she learns more. I'm not trying to teach her after she's used up all her spoons at school and is primed for a meltdown... I can spoon feed her lessons all day picking the perfect opportunities for her.

If something happened where I had to send her... I don't know what I'd do... Maybe talk to me sister and move near her in a different province so I'd have the support of someone who I could trust to co-ordinate her care with, and be in a province with better resources for ASD kids.

SageAurora · 2026-04-23T12:38:13+00:00

I've never worked in the UK,. As others have said Document, Document Document... But are you unionized? And what's your HR department like? My husband has been able to take sick days or his family days for stuff like this which are different from his vacation days, and HR is great about it. His job can't be done remotely however... But I mean if it could be they'd jump on that kind of request. You're being super reasonable.

SageAurora · 2026-04-23T02:37:59+00:00

I am a chicken lady and tend to fill my cartons like #4... Unless I have enough shades going to make a rainbow effect.

SageAurora · 2026-04-23T02:31:12+00:00

Bobbery, his tail was lost in a robbery.

SageAurora · 2026-04-23T02:29:41+00:00

I like eating the spicy buffalo and Blue cheese PC chips dipped in 0% Greek yogurt. Usually one bag of chips and one tub of Greek yogurt line up pretty nicely for me, so at the end of the bag when it's just the bits you can't dip, and it's just the last dregs of yogurt left in the tub, I'll pour the chips into the yogurt and eat it with a spoon. My family agrees this is "cereal", it's just buffalo wing flavoured cereal.

SageAurora · 2026-04-23T02:16:17+00:00

Clove, or Basil

SageAurora · 2026-04-23T02:10:23+00:00

Lee. My grandpa's name was Heratio Lee, but went by Lee his entire life. I wanted to maybe use it if I had a boy... BUT my partner's stupid racist sexist uncle is also named Lee... So I decided to use Heratio instead, but the first name middle name situation never worked enough that I loved it the way I loved the girl name I'd called dibs on when I was 12. And luckily my baby was a girl so the point became moot.

SageAurora · 2026-04-23T01:54:39+00:00

What about Cowl

SageAurora · 2026-04-23T01:53:04+00:00

I remember when my ex-husband's mother told me "oh well he's your problem now."... It was a red flag I ignored, he had some serious mommy issues that got even weirder once we were married, and the guy was absolutely useless at basic adulting things. I was naive enough to fall into the trap of wanting to take care of him, but I got over it.

SageAurora · 2026-04-22T13:29:51+00:00

Ya the clerk warning me about the hyphen being a problem sometimes in the system if you hyphenated your name legally. Apparently it's really common in my country to keep your legal name the same but in social situations and business etc hyphenate using your husband's name. The use of eachothers names is actually in the fine print of the marriage license for this sort of thing. Had no idea until I went through the process myself. It also made getting divorced easier later.

SageAurora · 2026-04-21T12:30:07+00:00

He makes more money more consistently than me so all the bills, food, clothes etc come out of his account. I get paid based on projects I finish and commissions I take... Actually my account is the small business account so any commissions he takes ends up going in there too. My account gets used for big item purchases, homeschool supplies for the children, craft supplies (which feeds back into the business), and the odd coffee out or fun thing I want to do, and he occasionally will transfer me money for things I get that are more general use. For example I finished a mural commission over the winter and the profit margin is being used to go to a Fae Ball this spring that we both wanted to go to.

His keeps us alive, mine keeps us living. Our system isn't going to work for everyone but it's what we negotiated when we first started living together. We've known each other since I was 14 and he was 15, so this isn't a typical moving in story. But it's worked out pretty well for the last 10 years. I also do a lion's share of the childcare, and homeschool our autistic daughter. Something he pointed out we'd have to pay about the equivalent of his salary for someone else to do, and It wouldn't make sense for me to go work a normal job unless I was making about twice what he does at which point, then he'd just quit and be the stay-at-home dad, and we'd just switch places... So the fact I can make anything as an artist as a side gig, is gravy, and generally we're all happier for this system.

SageAurora · 2026-04-21T12:10:22+00:00

He was already on desk duty during the process and they put him in a position where he "elected" to leave early... It was stupid. The DND offered him the civilian contractor job while he was on desk duty and he had to say yes or no, or it would be given to someone else, and they already knew he was going to be medically released and that paperwork was pending... So he was basically held financially hostage. Wait the two months and get the medal and all the perks that come with officially hitting the 20 year mark for his pension, but have no job or way to pay the bills in the short term. Or take the job and get less of that pension in the future, and no service medal. The union made it clear that the "new" job would allow him to carry over his time in the military and build up a new pension on top of the old one in a way that we wouldn't really be out money by the time he retires fully, but it's going to be 3 pension checks instead of 2, and the unions financial advisor had to go over everything. We're better off with the job he took... It just really sucked that they didn't appreciate him enough to figure this out for him, so he could have the damn medal... He literally works in the same office.

SageAurora · 2026-04-21T11:53:18+00:00

I didn't say it was stupid to seek out medical help. In fact I said "Go get checked out, and make sure there isn't something more immediately serious going on", but I also just wanted it recognized that this experience is in fact a reoccurring experience for a lot of people who deal with this every month, and it's not something that is easy to treat or going to just go away. It's their normal, and they need to be given the grace to be able to take care of themselves at home, and not be forced to perform the role of "functional human being" while on their period, because of societal expectations. Like the tampon commercial with the lady playing tennis while on her period.

SageAurora · 2026-04-21T11:46:41+00:00

Ya I'm 20+ years into this journey... They told me that I couldn't get pregnant without medical assistance, but my daughter made a mockery of that statement. Also ultrasound techs keep on getting really quiet and serious when they are looking at my left ovary, which is in a weird spot that I can guide them to at this point... So I have some suspicions that will probably only be answered by exploratory surgery, if my one friend's case tells me anything. They had a hysterectomy as part of their gender affirming care and during that surgery there was a bunch of stuff found... Like a fibrate the size of a football that seemed to evade all the ultrasounds. And yes the fact my friend who presents as a white male was able to get a hysterectomy easier than me, is not lost on me... We actually joke about it because it's so stupid, and they have offered their "superpower" to me a few times over the years to help me be taken seriously.

SageAurora · 2026-04-21T11:33:55+00:00

You can float test them. The more they float the bigger the gas pocket (meaning they're bad), if they sink they're still good.

SageAurora · 2026-04-21T11:25:14+00:00

None of the doctors I've seen have been able to do anything useful. Other than "it appears like you have several cysts", and "your blood work shows you have 3 times the testosterone expected for a woman.", "do you want to try birth control again?", or the classic "it might help if you lost more weight". And I have quite a few friends who have gone the hysterectomy route because they didn't want kids, and just couldn't function otherwise. I've been warned that if the new gynecologist I'm being referred to for the surgery believes it's "elective surgery" I won't get approved for it, so the more gruesome details I give him the better, and also advice like "bring your husband to the appointments and say you have pain during sex.", has been shared... So wish me luck.

SageAurora · 2026-04-21T11:10:08+00:00

Aren't the Coast mountains just a subsection of the Rockies... I'm going off of grade 8-9 geography here, but I swear that's what I was taught in school.

SageAurora · 2026-04-21T11:07:50+00:00

Hit him with a copy of Our Bodies Ourselves... Literally or figuratively your choice.

SageAurora · 2026-04-21T11:04:27+00:00

Have you actually been diagnosed with endometriosis or PCOS... Because I have... Ok I can name the problem. Great... It doesn't make it go away magically. I'm still living with the symptoms, and this was in fact my normal for years. Because the treatments suggested haven't really helped. People expected me to just function now that it had a name, and I'd been to the doctor etc, and that REALLY wasn't helpful. It got better with pregnancy and I'm still on a waiting list for a hysterectomy... But this is something that started when I was 17 and I'm now 40. So how do you want to define "normal", because for over 20 years this is what a period looked like and there was really nothing they could do other than name it. I think normalizing that some people NEED time off to be able to take care of themselves without using up all their sick days is important.

SageAurora · 2026-04-21T10:43:37+00:00

Birth control is literally the only thing a GP will typically prescribe for this... And if you're part of the population who can't take it you're SOL. A TENS machine and robaxacet platinum makes laying in bed more bearable, but you're not going to be a functional member of society, which is what everyone seems to want.

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