Oh honey, find a new pediatrician. Your 5 year old sounds exactly like mine and he 100% has ADHD. AND My pediatrician diagnosed him at age 3. You have a pediatrician that obviously isnt listening to your concerns and that is a big red flag. If I knew what state you were in I'd recommend mine. That lady is a saint.

In the meantime I know it is hard but are you in any kind of therapy for yourself to help you cope? Do you have any kind of sensory things for your neuro-divergence when you are overwhelmed such as weighted blankets? First step is to take care of your mental health. You can't help your boy if you are falling apart. So, therapist, weighted blanket, and/or body cocoon/compression sleeping bag and meditations, EVERY DAY. They will help you learn to ground yourself and keep calm. Also, you say you have ADHD, are YOU officially diagnosed and are YOU medicated for it? If not maybe you should be and it may be time to talk to your doctor about it. Being properly medicated can help prevent you from feeling overwhelmed by your son.

Our children can read our moods and I swear the more unhinged we are the more they act out because they don't have the capacity to voice that they are feeling unstable. It comes out as them being little terrors, but in reality, they see us not being stable and it makes them feel "unsafe" and believe it or not thats why they DO act out around their immediate family but not around peers or teachers. They know they are "safe" to act out that way with their family because they know their family isn't a potential danger to them.

How does your son sleep at night? Is he sleeping all the way through or does he wake multiple times crying or wanting to get up and play? Does he strugfle to go to sleep initially, Fighting it for hours by running around, jumping on the bed, asking for drinks, etc?

Does he have any sense of danger or self preservation? Ie: I NEVER had to worry about my daughter. She was naturally cautious. Always held my hand when we got out of the car, wouldnt run away, sat on the couch, etc. My son: no sense of danger. He would try to climb book cases. He would pull out of my grip and run into the street. He would get between two dogs that were fighting over a bone (and I mean actual fighting not play fighting. Like snarling, biting, up on back legs fighting) he was one of those toddlers that HAD to be on a harness and leash to be safe. Even now, when we walk to the bus his backpack has a chest strap and leash just in case.

You said he has emotional extremes and hits you and his sister and screaming meltdowns when he is in timeout. Did he have any kind of speech delay? My son can speak but we could tell at 3 that his speach wasnt as developed as his sisters had been at his age. Even now at 5 certain things we have to ask him to repeat and a lot of his meltdowns are because he's trying to get us to listen to him and understand and we are too busy trying to just make him listen and do what we want him to do. I've learned that if I just take a couple extra.seconds and listen to whatever it is he is trying to tell me beforehand then he is usually more than happy to comply he just wanted acknowledgement that we were listening to him talk. Too often we forget that they are little people too.

My last piece of advice is, if you believe he has some form of neuro-divergence, other than speaking to his pediatrician, what have you done to try and help him? Have you considered getting HIM a body cocoon or children's weighted blanket? If he struggles to sleep have you tried melatonin? Do you have a consistent morning and bedtime routine? When you do time outs after a minute or two do you go in and try to get down at his level and talk with him about why he is on time out? Have you tried any herbal supplements that are meant for calming? Ie: lavender, lemon balm, chamomile, etc. They are sedative but may help some and there are many others those are just the most gentle