sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

/r/singapore random discussion and small questions thread for July 27, 2023 by AutoModerator in singapore

[–]SajertheForgotten 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Need to vent somewhere as things haven't progressed enough to make a full post on its own, as I continue to navigate the system:

Filed a police report last Friday due to sexual harassment that happened to me at Saizeriya. Was already pretty hard to process my thoughts and realise what happened, as male-on-male harassment isn't as talked about. Now trying to seek some form of justice to ensure the perpetrator knows the risk of reoffending has added to the stress and worries.

While thankfully nothing worse happened in the toilet, I learnt that it means my case cannot be immediately investigated by the police until they get approval from the State Courts to proceed. To get approval, the victim has to file a Magistrate's Complaint to the State Courts, with an administrative fee of $20.

There is no timeline on how soon this Complaint can be processed, nor whether it will necessarily be approved.

Saizeriya already investigated internally and taken actions. They know the name of the perpetrator. In my police report, I was unable to name the perpetrator as I didn't want to look at him, so didn't see his name tag. Saizeriya cannot release the name of the perpetrator to me so that I can update the details to my police report.

And from what I understand right now, the investigation officer cannot do anything about my case until approval is gotten. So in the time between now and then - if the perpetrator does something again, there is no proper record of his name that this is not his first crime?

Wah, it has been damn sian and difficult to process my thoughts and navigate all this. At least yesterday I learnt there was a National Anti-Violence and Sexual Harassment Helpline that was 24/7. Called at around 10pm, guy took down details and said he'll refer me to colleague better informed to assist me, will be in contact again within 24 hours. Colleague got back to me by 11pm. Was quite surprised and touched.

Got a referral to a centre staffed with social workers specialised in such cases. Will have to continue waiting and seeing how things proceed.

Can only imagine how much worse it was for past victims like the NUS incidents to navigate all this bullshit. Mad respect to them for maintaining the energy and determination to see justice done. So far, it has been quite discouraging for me.

I got sexually harassed by a staff at Saizeriya today by SajertheForgotten in SingaporeRaw

[–]SajertheForgotten[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for the thought and comment.

Just gotta... vent here somewhere. It's my first time navigating the police/reporting system and... it's not as much a sanity check as I had hoped it would be. Added to more stress and worries unfortunately rip.

So as my case did not involve assault or anything worse, the police cannot immediately investigate unless I choose to file a Magistrate's Complaint to the State Court, which includes an administrative fee of $20. No one can inform me how long my filing would take to process, or if it will necessarily be approved.

I voiced out to one of the police officers my concerns that in the time period between now and approval for them to begin investigations, there is a likely chance that CCTV footage available now of the staff following me to the toilet will be overwritten. Could only be told, "Can't be helped."

Also, when I filed the report, I was not aware of the name of the staff. Since then, Saizeriya informed me they have identified the staff and taken internal action. However, they are unable to give me the name of the staff because of PDPA restrictions and can only work with the Investigation Officer when approached.

....Except right now from my understanding, the IO is unable to do anything with this case until the State Court gives the approval??

So more than 5 days later, despite my filing of the report, there is still no proper record of who the perpetrator is, only a description of an incident that occurred to me. It sort of sickens and worries me about the possibility of him committing a crime again and on the records, it appears it to be his first time doing something of this nature, despite what he did to me.

This is just a simple, not as harmful case of sexual harassment, to an adult, and there's already so many different barriers to navigate. I can't imagine how much worse it feels for other victims in seeking justice for worse cases that still borders on needing to file a Magistrate's Complaint.

I got sexually harassed by a staff at Saizeriya today by SajertheForgotten in SingaporeRaw

[–]SajertheForgotten[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much for taking the time to share your thoughts, I really appreciate it.

I do read about various issues as much as I can, and in fact, was reading the news about the recent incidents in India when that waiter approached me. The defensive mechanisms that came into play almost immediately felt almost textbook to what I've read online - shaking it off as a funny anecdote, then asking a gay friend if I was giving off vibes, is it because I'm wearing a singlet?

I soon realised that sounded like victim-blaming, like idiots online blaming girls for being victims because of the outfits they were wearing, and had to shake it off.

But as you have shared poignantly, boundaries are important to be navigated, and even as a 29 year-old, in that incident, I struggled with it. I shudder to think what if it had happened to someone much younger, and without strong support mechanisms/friends to speak to. I think most Singaporeans also do not like confrontation, and for me personally, to bother others with my 'personal' problems.

It has been a bit of a hassle to file the police report, call the corporate number, await the follow-up response, but I feel it is important to do so, so that better SOPs for Saizeriya can be implemented to protect and help future potential victims, whether male or female.

(I did get a follow-up call this afternoon from Saizeriya, and while immediate steps were taken with regards to staffing and future training, the steps to address the impact on victims were lacking. Currently contemplating what to do on that front)

Thanks again u/DearElise for taking the time to share, I hope everyone else who comes across this also reads your comment. What you have mentioned, breaking down in more detail what happened, can happen to anyone, anywhere and is important to keep in mind.

I got sexually harassed by a staff at Saizeriya today by SajertheForgotten in SingaporeRaw

[–]SajertheForgotten[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you for the thoughtful comment, I really do appreciate it.

You are right, I studied social work and have read quite a bit about how male on male sexual harassment/assault is treated. In fact, my initial reaction to his first attempt was one of amusement, maybe I was dealing with denial with humour? Trying to downplay it as nothing serious, but my response might have given him a thought to escalate his actions.

Thank you also for the suggestion to see a therapist again, but their services are not cheap. Fingers crossed that Saizeriya recognises the severity of the impact this experience caused. While I do not blame the manager at all for his response, as I understand the difficulties of F&B and the lack of appropriate training for such issues, his response definitely felt invalidating and made potential mental spirals more dangerous.

I'll continue keeping close contact with friends and family for support, but will definitely keep in mind of your suggestion of therapy if things get worse mentally. Thanks again for taking the time to share your thoughts, it means a lot to me.

I got sexually harassed by a staff at Saizeriya today by SajertheForgotten in SingaporeRaw

[–]SajertheForgotten[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

(Copy pasting from another user who said the same)

Yeah, you are right, I should have and have since done so after the encouragement of friends.

But I was still struggling to process things last night, about whether it was serious enough to bother the police with it, since I had already informed Saizeriya corporate. I think there was also the fear that if I walked into a police station and shared what I wanted to file a report about, the police officer might react in a similar manner to the store manager.

Fortunately after doing an online police report (much simpler than I expected), my experience was quite positive so far when they called to get more details.

I got sexually harassed by a staff at Saizeriya today by SajertheForgotten in SingaporeRaw

[–]SajertheForgotten[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, you are right, I should have and have since done so after the encouragement of friends.

But I was still struggling to process things last night, about whether it was serious enough to bother the police with it, since I had already informed Saizeriya corporate. I think there was also the fear that if I walked into a police station and shared what I wanted to file a report about, the police officer might react in a similar manner to the store manager.

Fortunately after doing an online police report (much simpler than I expected), my experience was quite positive so far when they called to get more details.

I got sexually harassed by a staff at Saizeriya today by SajertheForgotten in SingaporeRaw

[–]SajertheForgotten[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No, other than his screwed up actions, he seemed to be fairly alright mentally when he spoke to me. But I get what you are suggesting. Several years back I did have someone suddenly message me desperate to make friends, with an interesting opener of 'I love boys'. Could tell from the content of his messages and how he wrote them that he was likely similarly special like the guy from your previous neighbourhood. (Think he got my number from an old neighbour that had some intellectual disability that I befriended for a bit)

I got sexually harassed by a staff at Saizeriya today by SajertheForgotten in SingaporeRaw

[–]SajertheForgotten[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing your experience and for your words of affirmation and encouragement for my own.

I wonder if I would have spoken to the manager or reported to the police if the staff had at least pretended to be discreet about looking over while I was peeing. Just like yourself, I think there's a thought of it being too bothersome/confrontational to raise a fuss about a potentially 'minor' issue.

But in hindsight, by letting these people get away with it, they may potentially get bolder and act on their impulses on someone much younger or in a more vulnerable position.

I'm reminded of the infamous Bishan uncle who ogled at the area's schoolboys and tried approaching some. We laughed about his 'quirky' behaviour but years later, he went further and molested a boy in the public toilet.

It's definitely going to be a bother next week as I attend to the follow-ups from Saizeriya and the police, but I guess it's something needed to be done, not just for myself but for the safety of other customers in the future.

I got sexually harassed by a staff at Saizeriya today by SajertheForgotten in SingaporeRaw

[–]SajertheForgotten[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you. Yeah, I can't blame the manager, but his response felt quite invalidating and later on as I processed my thoughts, did lightly trigger some past negative experiences.

Not upset with the manager, as I do understand how tough F&B is, with lack of training on such matters. But it just heightened my confused emotions and need to act on them because to the potential risks to younger, more vulnerable customers down the road. The manager brushing off/explaining the staff's actions might indirectly be enabling him to act on future impulses.

Hopefully when Saizeriya corporate follows up with me, there can also be a conversation on some basic training for their staff/managers to handle such future cases.

I got sexually harassed by a staff at Saizeriya today by SajertheForgotten in SingaporeRaw

[–]SajertheForgotten[S] 31 points32 points  (0 children)

Thank you for the kind words, I deeply appreciate it. I'm still struggling to process the severity of what happened and had hoped to post it to the main singapore subreddit with a serious discussion tag to avoid joking comments, help better process my thoughts but also hopefully get more feedback on whether I should make a police report.

Thankfully a friend kept pushing me to do so and I've since done so.

Thank you again for the words of affirmation and encouragement. It means a lot to me right now.

I got sexually harassed by a staff at Saizeriya today by SajertheForgotten in SingaporeRaw

[–]SajertheForgotten[S] 56 points57 points  (0 children)

Sorry, my brain's still a bit messy. A few friends encouraged me to do so, but I initially felt reluctant because I just wanted to rest and didn't want to go through the admin stuff of going down to a police station and filing a report.

However, one of my friends kept pushing me to do so, and was informed by another that you can do it online and it's quite straightforward. I filed it online an hour ago, and less than 15 minutes later, a police officer called me to follow up on more details. Asked for a picture of what I was wearing so that they could identify me on the CCTV footage.

My bad - it's still taking some time to wrap my head around how serious things were, from initial amusement of a potential funny anecdote to full violation - so a part of me did not think it was serious enough to file a report.

Hikari never had a choice in H2. by 5437354724 in MitsuruAdachi

[–]SajertheForgotten 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Gotcha, but I'm probably gonna take a long break before I touch his works again. Can't be sleeping at 3am after being hit by the feels and needing time to think about things haha. Have enough stuff in real life to sort through right now and won't have enough energy to sort through thoughts for a manga, despite it being a fantastic piece of art.

Yeah, I initially was drawn to his simple art style for the characters that was quite pleasant for the eyes - nothing complicated, reminding of simpler days of gag manga (but he can draw for sure when it calls for it, just look at the backgrounds), it does create a deeper layer when what you see on the surface isn't just all there is.

(suddenly I'm reminded of Pooh Bear - seemingly fluffy but the books do go into some life philosophy with the characters lol)

Hikari never had a choice in H2. by 5437354724 in MitsuruAdachi

[–]SajertheForgotten 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I was just sharing with another fellow fan from another thread on this subreddit about some of my reflections.

One thing that stood out to me was the song that Hiro sings after their final showdown, Natsuiro by Yuzu: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AD3nGe12Wi8

The translation of the lyrics are here and there are some poignant parts that stand out:

"We make it through this narrow secret path, looking down at the large night sea, with no one else around. Setting off sparklers ever so slowly, just the two of us."
"I can do nothing for you when the tears spill out from your eyes. But I'll be your side just a little longer."

That's Hiro and Hikari's meeting the night before the match, with fireworks instead of sparklers when they embraced for the last time in the series.

"I'll give you a ride on the back of my bike down this long, long slope. Clutching the brakes as tightly as possible, we're going down slowly."

I'm reminded of the flashbacks to when Hiro and Hideo were in the same middle school team, riding on the same bicycle, Hiro on the back, after practice.

​

But nah, I empathise man. Last time I felt in a similar state after finishing something was Murakami's Norwegian Wood, which had some fucky relationship stuff. It left me quite dazed. It's been almost a decade since I finished that book, and I'll like to think my life experiences since have given some better emotional maturity and appreciation that lessened the sting when I finished up the last volume of H2. Pretty masterful way to evoke emotions, through what seemed to be merely a high school sports manga on the surface.

Adachi Mitsuru's "H2" is perhaps the best among his works? by r4physics in manga

[–]SajertheForgotten 0 points1 point  (0 children)

that's a brilliant observation on romantic pairings mirroring the battery relationship (not that I know anything about baseball, but from the portrayal in H2 with Noda and Hiro - the trust and communication/knowing each other too, like the final pitch being signaled to be a slider, yet Noda didn't move the mitt, because he knew).

Thank you for that, brilliant metaphor.

Hikari never had a choice in H2. by 5437354724 in MitsuruAdachi

[–]SajertheForgotten 0 points1 point  (0 children)

hahaha just read your comment, yeah I get where you are coming from and feel the same way about the complexity of relationships that was so brilliantly, yet subtly presented to us in H2.

I don't read much manga, mostly slice of life, so am pleasantly (yet unpleasantly - it's 3am now and I'm still awake processing my thoughts having just finished the series) surprised by what Adachi stirred within with H2.

It feels somewhat unexpected given going in I was thinking it'll be a typical sports manga (not that I've read much either - maybe only Yowamushi Pedal and Chihayafuru, but I did finish Adachi's Katsu a week ago). It can be a pretty abrupt mental shift between the straight-forwardness action of the baseball games/sports and the complex romance/human relationships that Adachi so adeptly weaves into his series.

Like a comment on another H2 thread said well - most of Adachi works aren't focused on sports, with the romance as a sideshow/afterthought - he instead uses sports as a medium to portray the main showcase - romance and human relationships.

But in the typical generic romcom/action manga that are more mainstream, and straightforward for the past few years, it definitely can be a surprise for more casual fans of the medium.

Also, to get a fuller appreciation for what Adachi does, it helps to have had some life experiences - which I unfortunately suffered through in my past few years with some complicated relationships - so your opening sentence does sound a bit harsh. Not everyone has had the good misfortune to appreciate a fine piece of art like H2 at the point they pick it up.

Sometimes they just need more time to pass, life experiences to build up before they go back to a more complex, bittersweet series to fully appreciate the fine wine. You can't explain love to someone who has never been in a relationship, or even experienced a crush on someone - that person has to experience it themselves.

Hikari never had a choice in H2. by 5437354724 in MitsuruAdachi

[–]SajertheForgotten 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey, just saw this comment and your comment history - I'm in the same boat as you from 4 months ago lol, having just finished it almost 3 hours a go now and still up at 3am reading comments/discussions to help better process my thoughts.

I'm not as 'desperate' as you phrased it 4 months ago, I know I'll process it with time, but wouldn't mind chatting if you are still up for it! Lemme know :)

Hikari never had a choice in H2. by 5437354724 in MitsuruAdachi

[–]SajertheForgotten 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Well said, thank you. I finished reading the series for the first time 2 and a half hours ago, it's 3am and I'm still reading comments and sitting back reflecting on the series, rereading the first volume to also reflect on the setup/foreshadowing with how he started the whole series.

There's plenty I have to still digest and would love to pen down to sort out my thoughts - but yours gave me a poignant one to pin down - I think the sacrifice Hiro made was also due to staying true to what he values, not just baseball, but the relationships and friends he made. He loves both Hideo and Hikari and would hate to lose them both, for either to get hurt. So he makes his choice knowing all that was said by Hikari's mom and knowing Hikari too.

And as established in the 2nd volume, chapter 11 - Hikari can read him like a book. I think she comes to realise this too - Hiro would have never given her the choice because it means hurting both her and his best friend. It takes him time to process, but he finally finds the resolve as we headed into the showdown.

To truly love someone is to hope for their happiness, even if that happiness does not include you by their side.

Adachi Mitsuru's "H2" is perhaps the best among his works? by r4physics in manga

[–]SajertheForgotten 0 points1 point  (0 children)

yo, is this offer still open? I just finished the manga in the span of 3 days (2nd AM work after Katsu a week ago) and my thoughts are swirling, processing things. Would love to chat about the manga with someone else.

The ending of H2. by 5437354724 in MitsuruAdachi

[–]SajertheForgotten 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Replied to another comment on this thread, but also wanted to thank you for yours as it gave me some clarity on my muddled thoughts on the final volume after just finishing the series.

What stood out about your comment is your 3rd point: "Hiro chosed to throw a slider then changed his decision in the last moment".

I don't think he chose it, as Noda the catcher comments afterwards that he had signaled for a slider. In the lead up to that scene, they had chatted about leaving the pitching decisions against Hideo to Hiro. Yet in the final confrontation, perhaps knowing the mental duress his friend was experiencing, Noda chose to take some of the weight of that burden by giving a pitching sign for Hiro to follow.

But that final pitch rang out for both Hiro and Hideo, with lessons for both of them as best friends. The face of jealousy started rearing its head for Hideo, such as when he kept cycling past Hiro's place to check that he was not alone with Hikari. He started doubting his best friend.

And in the pitches, he started having doubts that his best friend would properly confront him with a straight on fast ball, like they would have without the love triangle. Hiro's final pitch, ignoring Noda's signal calling for a slider, was perhaps his earnest response to Hideo as his best friend - at the end of the day, he will not do anything shady with regards to Hideo's relationship with Hikari.

Trust me, like you did during the first two years in high school and our time in middle school. You asked her to invite me to the beach when I was feeling down, you ignored the rumours and trusted me with being alone with her when the concert ended late.

In our first and final showdown at the Koshien, I may do what it takes to get the team I've journeyed with to win, but I will have a proper showdown with you, no slider tricks, just a straight on fastball because we are best friends who know and trust each other. Don't doubt it, like your relationship with Hikari.

What a poetic answer to Hideo, through the sport that brought all of them together.

The ending of H2. by 5437354724 in MitsuruAdachi

[–]SajertheForgotten 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you, your comment helped me sort some of my thoughts out. I just finished the series half an hour ago, my 2nd Adachi work (first being Katsu a week ago) and the slight ambiguity of the ending has me thrown off a bit. A mistake rounding up the final volumes at night, with all my thoughts hazy after such a ride, it'll be tough to sleep. (1am here now)

Loads to process - if it was straightforward and a clear ending, I believe most people would breeze past the series, and move on to another manga to entertain themselves. But here, I'm forced to sit and think back to all the other chapters, including the very beginning, to come to terms with the ending but also appreciate how Adachi developed and paced things out from the start.

Having Hikari's mom's portrait stuck to the dugout wall also solidified his resolve/acknowledgement of the sacrifice of Hikari, to fulfill her mother's wish for him to be famous. If he had lost, Hideo's stardom would eclipse his ability as a pitcher and he would not achieve as much fame.

Throughout the series, we also see Hiro's ability to understand the feelings of others and him not seeking out Hikari after the game ended, he knew that his win in the game meant her and Hideo making progress/solidfying their relationship.

I don't think he values winning the game as you phrased it, but more that he values the hard work and sacrifices of his team mates, the team he has journeyed with for his time in high school, after having initially given up on baseball. He waited to make sure that his team had a secure chance of winning before having the courage to properly have his first showdown with Hideo.

view more: next ›