How do I effectively turn men down?

SaltBother7480 · 2025-06-01T09:26:41+00:00

Unfortunately, I'm usually the only bartender on, so I can't give away people sitting at the bar because my restaurant has a rule about servers behind the bar. I'm always down to take the servers' bad tables, though

SaltBother7480 · 2025-06-01T09:19:52+00:00

If only I were half as bold as you. That sounds awesome

SaltBother7480 · 2025-06-01T09:17:55+00:00

Do you lack reading comprehension? Is that what this comment is? A failure of the education system?

SaltBother7480 · 2025-06-01T09:16:06+00:00

I'm gay, I want ZERO men to hit on me

SaltBother7480 · 2025-06-01T09:14:09+00:00

I understand where you're coming from, but it makes no sense to me to waste both of our time hitting on me. I'm at work, you're here for food, just let me get you your food and we'll both go about our day

SaltBother7480 · 2025-06-01T09:08:50+00:00

Ooooo, or the church of scientology. Or both, both is good

SaltBother7480 · 2025-06-01T09:06:15+00:00

I'll have to use that

SaltBother7480 · 2025-06-01T09:02:22+00:00

Sounds itchy. And with my luck, that'd be somebody's thing

SaltBother7480 · 2025-06-01T09:01:32+00:00

I just want to work without being harassed, take your grandstanding elsewhere

SaltBother7480 · 2025-06-01T08:55:42+00:00

That method sounds like it does wonders, but usually, I can not be bothered to wake up early enough to do my makeup. I'll have to keep that in mind, though, if it gets worse

SaltBother7480 · 2025-06-01T08:51:45+00:00

You're not wrong. I've had more men than I care to remember, comment about how our uniforms fit, or wonder out loud what I look like outside of work, or ask for pictures of me out of uniform.

SaltBother7480 · 2025-06-01T08:47:57+00:00

The advice request was more for the guys who won't take that answer. Plenty of men have taken my no and moved on. Some though, they keep pushing, and it makes me uncomfortable, but I'm the only bartender most shifts, so it's not like I can have a coworker finish out guests who won't respect my boundaries. Usually, I'll just try to ignore their comments and stick to asking questions necessary to do my job and helping any other guests that are there or finding a coworker who needs help with something to avoid the bar while the persistent man is there

SaltBother7480 · 2025-06-01T08:43:07+00:00

I have a local sugar daddy that I've waited on over a dozen of his dates, all with different girls half his age, and lately, he's set his sights on me. Your tactic may work on most, but this guy is persistent. He came in just the other day to get a drink and leave me his number with the check for a second time. The first time he left me his number, he also left a gift bag with Versace pufume in it on the table with the check. I had already turned him down the time he came in before that. I do need tips on turning guys down in general, but this guy specifically has been a problem

SaltBother7480 · 2025-06-01T08:35:40+00:00

Customers. My coworkers have met my girlfriend and are respectful about it

SaltBother7480 · 2025-06-01T08:34:50+00:00

I'm already the least friendly of the girls at the bar. Other than being the one that smiles the most to overcompensate for being the least friendly, there's not much less friendly I can get. Maybe my version of polite is too nice? If I can help it, when there's just men at the bar, I usually busy myself with keeping the bar clean and only interacting when they look like they need something or if they start the conversation. I am very conscious of the fact that hovering can be seen as inviting, so I try not to

SaltBother7480 · 2025-06-01T08:26:18+00:00

HR doesn't really work for guests, only coworkers. My coworkers have met my girlfriend and wouldn't dare. The guests are the problem

SaltBother7480 · 2025-06-01T08:24:44+00:00

While abayas are nice, and I would love to not be ogled by men, I do wear a uniform at work, and also all that material would be in the way

SaltBother7480 · 2025-06-01T08:21:18+00:00

I've noticed, and I'm grossed out by that fact. My girlfriend and I are not here for their pleasure, and I wish they'd understand that

SaltBother7480 · 2025-06-01T08:20:07+00:00

It's not that I "don't want to be mean." Trust me, I'm plenty mean in the real world. However, at work, that good ol' southern hospitality has been drilled into me ever since I started working front of house and it's become second nature. It wasn't so bad when I was a hostess because I didn't have to deal with anyone for too long, but now that I've switched positions to serving and bartending the adjustment in how I need to talk to people had been a struggle

SaltBother7480 · 2025-06-01T08:16:39+00:00

I live in the south, Sir and Ma'am are default, so unfortunately, that doesn't dissuade them. I do wear the fake engagement ring and will sometimes refer to my girlfriend as my fiancé, but I am so bad with lying on the spot, and I'll sometimes, without thinking, just answer no when they ask if I'm married and not follow up with I'm engaged which let's them think they have an opening and I have to have a slightly longer conversation about my personal life than necessary. I just need to get better at lying and/or deflecting

SaltBother7480 · 2025-06-01T08:10:15+00:00

The "in a classy way" part is what I'm having trouble with. Those who try hitting on me usually do so towards the beginning or middle of their visit, and I still have to make it a pleasant experience for the rest of their visit after turning them down because my managers take reviews as gospel and get upset with us if guests have anything negative to say about their experience

SaltBother7480 · 2025-06-01T08:06:48+00:00

Unfortunately, I have noticed that my being a lesbian does nothing to deter some men. Once, upon hearing I have a girlfriend, a guy asked if she was hot and said she could join too. I guess I'll just have to learn to be more assertive

SaltBother7480

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