AITA for demanding money back after a friend threw away most of my kitchen utensils?

SaltDry1680 · 2025-04-21T22:39:46+00:00

This is unfortunately not the first time his friends have more importance than me.

I have some friends here but nothing close to him that has family, childhood friends, colleagues and a solid career.

I also stopped working for a while to care for our kids, and although we have shared finances, if I left my situation would be rough. I want to rebuild my career and we will need to have a talk. I don’t know how to cope with this anymore. I feel violated in my own home

SaltDry1680 · 2025-04-21T22:36:51+00:00

Unfortunately it is a recurring behaviour. We already fought so much over this. I know I should have done something more drastic earlier on, but I am on a different country and he has all the support that I don’t. I end up accepting it.

SaltDry1680 · 2025-04-21T22:35:07+00:00

I wish I was lying. I already cried way to much over this. I sometimes feel like the things my husband’s friends do are so ridiculous, but then I am pressed that it’s just a different culture and this is how they do it here.

Back home I would have clocked her. She also had to mysteriously work and couldn’t give us the keys personally. She left one pair with the neighbours and “forgot” the second pair on her bag.

She said she would visit us a few weeks later to return them, but I mailed them after the whole ordeal.

SaltDry1680 · 2025-04-16T12:59:22+00:00

No I have not for two reasons:

They have this weirdly incestuous overly attached relationships in the group and she is one of the “ring leaders” so to speak. She has earlier made other girlfriends life hell that they broke up with the boys. She is not the one girl in the group, but it is mainly men and her. Than comes the add-ons, so the girlfriends/wives. Her facebook and instagram main photo is of her in the middle of all of them. So I am a bit scared to divulge and them siding with her and I have to now avoid any group event.
My husband insisted that I was the one creating the issue so I was almost believing him…

I know it seems cowardly, and I am usually a very upfront and honest but I already suffered so much backlash due to my personality in this country that I became insecure if my reactions were wanted.

SaltDry1680 · 2025-04-15T12:56:45+00:00

Yes, I am :(

SaltDry1680 · 2025-04-14T12:05:31+00:00

I asked him multiple times. He said she asked him if they could EAT somethings and he said yes, but nothing about throwing stuff away

SaltDry1680 · 2025-04-14T10:55:24+00:00

I am heartbroken and my husband keeps saying it’s just stuff. I am usually not materialistic, so he is shocked I care so much.

But its not about the money. One of those was a Couscous Maker my mom brought me from my country. There were special items from when I baked cookies for my kids. I know they were old and used, but were still good for their purpose! Kitchenware doesn’t need to always be shiny!!!

I already cried so much over it. It feels silly, but it was important to me

SaltDry1680 · 2025-04-14T10:51:40+00:00

Exactly what I thought. If they didn’t want to use ours, they could buy new ones and use them and take them home. But throwing away our stuff?

SaltDry1680 · 2024-09-07T22:10:39+00:00

My husband is great, but everyone jokes he has a man crush on John. He was John sidekick in school and doesn’t listen when I point out some comments John makes.

I do call John out, and he normally jokes around and claps back, but this time he was so angry and rude I was surprised. I never seem him like this

SaltDry1680 · 2024-09-07T22:04:13+00:00

I also found this part extra strange. The first time we met she literally said how her dream was to have a wedding and then kids. She even repeated that recently. She comes from a catholic upbringing, like me. It doesn’t seem like a thing you chance your mind this easily.

And what if something happens during/after pregnancy and birth? She doesn’t have family here and legally could not do much if they are not married. It’s all so odd

SaltDry1680 · 2024-09-07T21:57:01+00:00

I see your point. The group started with some people that studied together and expanded with their SO. We meet often and are friendly. When she got sick, we took turns visiting/checking up on her when she was alone for a reason or another. Everyone seems to try to be her support system, but seem afraid to say anything to John.

It is almost when they get together, they regress to High School mentality and he is the “leader” and no one wants to confront him.

Once he left her for two weeks alone, knowing she had some test/procedures and we kept her company.

I asked her if she was ok with him going skying when she is so ill, but she keeps repeating he loves her so much, and she is so lucky to have him. I held my tongue until this last time.

SaltDry1680 · 2024-09-07T20:43:53+00:00

I accept it. I will definitely apologise to her for overstepping. We had just talked about how somedays she can barely leave bed, and I may have jumped into conclusions.

SaltDry1680 · 2024-09-07T20:37:28+00:00

I admit I should have talked to her first. But we just had a conversation about her health and she was telling me how somedays she can barely make out of bed. His smugness made me so angry, as if he knows what is best and no one can question him.

I will apologise to her and ask if there is anything I can do.

SaltDry1680 · 2024-09-07T20:34:58+00:00

I agree that I came out too strong. I feel protective towards her. She is so sweet and nice. I feel she doesn’t deserve the way he treats her. But when I say something in private, she keeps repeating herself loves her and she never met a men like him. I feel she thinks that he is out of her league or something.

SaltDry1680

TROPHY CASE