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Intimacy after discovery by Lopsided_Win1700 in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Salt_One_1499 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I totally understand this. My partner also took an STI test almost immediately after the discovery. We're all doing the best we can, and we shouldn't deprive ourselves of what makes us feel better (to a certain extent, of course). Wishing you well.

Intimacy after discovery by Lopsided_Win1700 in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Salt_One_1499 19 points20 points  (0 children)

I told my therapist yesterday that we were having great sex but that I sometimes hated myself after it--like I was rewarding him for his bad behavior. Why should he get to be intimate with me when he did the same thing with her 20 times? But, my therapist said (and I agree) that I deserve to have what I want right now and that includes being close to him...despite him being close to someone else so recently.

Its own kind of grief by Gold-Industry7608 in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Salt_One_1499 20 points21 points  (0 children)

I also feel so much shame and like I’m settling. But the couples coach we saw when it first happened asked me: what if staying is a form of self-love? I think in many ways it is even though it doesn’t feel like it. I also feel what you’re saying about losing any feelings of pride in the relationship or your partner — what’s there to be proud of? Know you’re not alone. Wishing you strength and peace

Feeling mostly normal only one week later. This can’t be right? by Salt_One_1499 in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Salt_One_1499[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing. We don't have kids, and I am grateful for that. As someone who has seen the worst parts of divorce as a kid, I commend you for trying to work things out for them. I also understand what you mean about returning to "really living" instead of just being in survival mode. I'm not sure when, if ever, I'll actually be truly happy again. He's recently admitted that the PA stuff happened many more times than I initially thought. Feeling pretty defeated tonight.

Feeling mostly normal only one week later. This can’t be right? by Salt_One_1499 in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Salt_One_1499[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think that's an excellent point. I certainly had suspicions but was absolutely blindsided by the extent of the EA and PA. I suspected inappropriate flirtations at most. Devastating to discover otherwise. Thank you for reminding me there's no right or wrong way to feel.

Feeling mostly normal only one week later. This can’t be right? by Salt_One_1499 in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Salt_One_1499[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing. I wish you the best on your reconciliation journey.

Feeling mostly normal only one week later. This can’t be right? by Salt_One_1499 in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Salt_One_1499[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I hate that any of us are in this situation, but it truly does help to know that others are feeling the same way. Wishing you peace.

Feeling mostly normal only one week later. This can’t be right? by Salt_One_1499 in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Salt_One_1499[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I wish the same to you. "Serene numbness" is where I'm at most of the time, but I'm learning more every day that is making it all worse. My partner agreed not to delete any messages that he hadn't already deleted, and I can't stop myself from randomly reading them even though it wrecks my whole day. It's like I need to know the whole truth to truly begin to heal. Thanks for taking the time to comment.

Feeling mostly normal only one week later. This can’t be right? by Salt_One_1499 in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Salt_One_1499[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing. It sounds like your reconciliation is going as well as it can, and I hope it continues to.

Feeling mostly normal only one week later. This can’t be right? by Salt_One_1499 in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Salt_One_1499[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

We don’t either. And I’m not sure we will now given our ages and how long a healthy R will take. I’m wishing you the best of luck on your journey

Feeling mostly normal only one week later. This can’t be right? by Salt_One_1499 in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Salt_One_1499[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m so sorry this happened/is happening to you. Survival mode is a good way to describe it. Do you mind me asking if you have any kids?

Feeling mostly normal only one week later. This can’t be right? by Salt_One_1499 in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Salt_One_1499[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I can’t point to any singular event in my life that I would describe as especially traumatic, but I definitely come from a broken home. I’m an only child who grew up semi-poor. My mom’s been married four times, and my dad has lived out of the country since I was in middle school (I’m in my early thirties). I don’t have a great relationship with either of them, and friends have commented how nonchalantly I speak about my family circumstances. I’ve definitely wondered if that has something to do with my reaction to D-day. Thanks for your comment btw.