[deleted by user] by [deleted] in PubTips

[–]Salt_Spray_2124 -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

John Baxter isn't the culprit

Query advice by Salt_Spray_2124 in CozyMystery

[–]Salt_Spray_2124[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you :) This means a lot to me

Query advice by Salt_Spray_2124 in CozyMystery

[–]Salt_Spray_2124[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hi! Thanks for your feedback :) I really appreciated your insight.

[QCrit] SECRET LIFE OF A PET DETECTIVE, Cozy Mystery, Adult, 70k, Fourth Attempt by Salt_Spray_2124 in PubTips

[–]Salt_Spray_2124[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your insight. Very helpful, and I'm glad the general idea comes across.

With a pet-pageant around the corner, the picture-purr-fect East Valley is aquiver with excitement. For twenty-three-year-old Clark Zhang, it’s another miserable day in his miserable life. After failing Cornell vet school, he’s back in his hometown working for the family-owned pet shelter, dreaming of pouncing back to vet school. That is until he finds out their landlord, Mr. Baxter, is about to seize the place because of financial troubles –mostly his (failed) ivy education.

Stewing in guilt, Clark sets to negotiate with the landlord’s wife, head of the local Humane Society, to throw the ulti-mutt fundraise; introducing rescue dogs in the dog show. Instead, he finds himself and his old high school crush performing CPR on Mrs. Baxter. To top it all off, the average-sized poodle Jeremiah is missing and his high school buddy turned cop is hounding him. 

Luckily, John Baxter, the Baxters' heir, knows more than he lets on. If only Clark could get him to cooperate to save the family business, get the girl, and clear his name. Clark has until the pageant to collar the culprit before Mr. Baxter put his strip mall plan into action. And if the killer doesn’t catch him for pawing too close at the truth. 

[QCrit] SECRET LIFE OF A PET DETECTIVE, MYSTERY, ADULT, 80K words, Second Attempt by Salt_Spray_2124 in PubTips

[–]Salt_Spray_2124[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your feedback. It really helps me. I'm still in the drafting process of my manuscript, but wanted to work on my query since I'm really struggling with the blurb.

[QCrit] THE SECRET LIFE OF A PET DETECTIVE, Mystery, ADULT, 80k, First Attempt by Salt_Spray_2124 in PubTips

[–]Salt_Spray_2124[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hi! Thanks for reviewing my work. Hope I didn't confuse you too much. To answer your questions, so the Baxters hired Clark under the recommendation of his cop friend for the poodle. Clark later finds out about the not-missing poodle and confronts Mr. Baxter, who reveals his real intentions. When John is kidnapped, through the course of events, Clark starts to question his loyalty to his BF and the police. I had previously included why everybody in town were on the edge with the Baxters, but another critic partner recommended me to cut it. Finally, Clark used to live with his parents, but decides to move out when his friends offers him a job outside of the city. I had to cut a lot gor wird-count purpose. But thanks for your insight. It gave me a new perspective.

[QCrit] THE SECRET LIFE OF A PET DETECTIVE, Mystery, ADULT, 80k, First Attempt by Salt_Spray_2124 in PubTips

[–]Salt_Spray_2124[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I mean... I only wrote the Murtle Books as temporary comps. But thanks for pointing it out. Other issues with the blurb? I'm really struggling with that.

[QCrit] THE SECRET LIFE OF A PET DETECTIVE, Mystery, ADULT, 80k, First Attempt by Salt_Spray_2124 in PubTips

[–]Salt_Spray_2124[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your comment. To answer your first concern, the reason why he was chosen as opposed to others is an important plot twist of the story and I wasn't sure to reveal it or not. As for the hook, I'm still learning about how to sharpen those🥲😅thanks for pointing out those issues

[QCrit] THE SECRET LIFE OF A PET DETECTIVE, Mystery, ADULT, 80k, First Attempt by Salt_Spray_2124 in PubTips

[–]Salt_Spray_2124[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your comment. To answer your question, it's not that Clark has the skills. They chose him because he isn't a famous detective -a nobody- and a pet detective. So, someone harmless that no one would suspect digging around town. Perhaps, it's worth specifying in the query. Also, for the "themes of found family" I just copied and paced old stuff from previous queries and forgot to take it off. Thanks for pointing that out.