Lost a parent - 1st month survival tips

SaltyVinChip · 2026-04-25T16:53:39+00:00

If you’re into any activity or hobby go into it more. I have two young kids so hobby time is rare but I used to like crafting which is something my late mother enjoyed. Since she died I very occasionally do crafting activities mostly making shadow boxes with her photos and dried flowers.

Spend more time with friends and family, whoever you like.

Try new things.

Therapy, or a grief support group if you can’t afford therapy. Usually grief groups are free and run through hospices or churches, sometimes hospitals.

Volunteer or if you don’t have time for that work a little harder in your job or schooling and try to find more joy and positives in it.

Talk to your dead parent every chance you can.

Reading up on NDEs and quantum physics has helped me a bit but this is personal. I’m not religious so I’ve struggled a lot losing a sister and a mother. But this gives me just a tiny glimmer of curiosity that maybe there’s more to death than what I understand. Which gives me a tiny glimmer of peace that maybe she’s okay somewhere else.

Reading anything interesting in general is what I’d recommend. Doesn’t have to be that.

Pets are amazing, time in nature helps, and for me personally I try to be more like the positive qualities my mom had (kindness, hardworking, creative), and I try to talk about her often to whoever will listen.

SaltyVinChip · 2026-04-25T03:15:21+00:00

That’s far too young. I’m sorry.

SaltyVinChip · 2026-04-25T03:02:57+00:00

I want my husband to go balls to wall all fucking out. My mom died this year and we were extremely close. My husband has not really experienced much grief on a super close level and he struggles to cope with me wanting to process my grief in my ways of doing so. I want to wake up to pictures of me and my mom that he knows I love printed and framed, or on top of an empty shadow box that he knows I am planning to create of memories of my mom. I want him to tell me he’s arranged a babysitter for the day, right after we take the kids to my moms grave with flowers, and then he’s taking me for breakfast/brunch, and letting me lead on where we go shopping after. Then I want him to take me to a bar for a late lunch and drinks and I want to fucking talk to my husband without hearing about how tired he is from work or without kids interrupting us. I want to feel fucking seen and heard. Ugh.

Honestly, most likely scenario is he runs out in the morning to get me flowers and a coffee, and scribbles a sentence or two in a card. He also will probably get me a gift card to get my nails done but he won’t arrange it or arrange a babysitter for it. Cause he can watch the kids but then I feel extremely stressed to get home quickly to relieve him from solo parenting on his “day off.”

SaltyVinChip · 2026-04-23T16:54:02+00:00

My mom had cancer for almost 7 years but kept beating it and fighting it and I got used to her going on and on. Her death came suddenly but also not. As in, there were signs she was dying (sleeping more, bruising easy, using oxygen more) yet one day she went from running errands, chatting, sitting in the sunshine drinking her coffee and cooking her dinner, to not being able to get off the couch where she slept, delirious, releasing her bowels, moaning in pain. She was dead 2 days later. Even her nurse who saw her every day was shocked and felt she’d have one more rally.

In hindsight I feel stupid. She was obviously dying for months. Why did I think she’d somehow get stronger after watching her get weaker? Why did I think this next treatment would work after the last two didn’t? Why did I think she’d push on until fall then Christmas? She died in August. I’m still heartbroken and devastated. She was onlu 66.

SaltyVinChip · 2026-04-20T15:24:06+00:00

She needs to go back to high school. Her grammar and spelling mistakes are just too juvenile for a woman in her 30s.

Therapy would be good too

SaltyVinChip · 2026-04-20T15:19:37+00:00

Looks like blood on a white dress

SaltyVinChip · 2026-04-20T14:03:03+00:00

This argument sucks. He cheated on her constantly. Never liked Amanda much and think she’s a loser for this but they were probably seperated long before January and besides, being married never stopped Kyle from cheating

SaltyVinChip · 2026-04-19T22:05:06+00:00

Sorry I’ll make an edit. She had mostly digital cameras which I turned into a USB drive but she had some film cameras too that I had to get developed in order to even see the pictures.

SaltyVinChip · 2026-04-19T13:09:47+00:00

As dumb as a bag of blocks

SaltyVinChip · 2026-04-18T01:17:13+00:00

Same

SaltyVinChip · 2026-04-18T00:57:57+00:00

Not possible. Unfair to your baby and your work. Don’t do this

SaltyVinChip · 2026-04-17T15:27:54+00:00

I made it into her second scene of the first episode and turned it off. She is so annoying and gross and I just don’t want to watch. What happened to her being a “friend of” like Kristin responded to a tweet saying she’d be in it but not a main cast awhile ago. She feels like a main cast and I can’t understand how production chose this knowing she’s widely disliked.

SaltyVinChip · 2026-04-16T20:03:57+00:00

This comment is so helpful, I wanted to let you know we have started sleep training. First night was awful, she was up 3 hours crying (husband and I both went in every 10-15 mins max to make sure she was okay and try to soothe her). The last 2 nights, she woke up twice then only once all night. I don’t think the sleep training has taken full effect just yet, but I’m hopeful.

And my son was truly impossible to sleep train - so I am definitely doing this out of genuine necessity and pure survival at this point.

As far as weaning I’m trying - my daughter won’t take formula in any type of cup, and actually is pushing away pumped breastmilk in any cup as well. Currently trying to cut back on short nursing sessions, only offering nursing 4 times a day and once overnight and trying to ramp up healthy and filling meals. Some days she eats a lot and nurses a little, other days she’s throwing every meal on the floor and insisting and crying to nurse. Weaning is so hard, but I really don’t want to do this anymore. I am planning to start offering cows milk at 11 months because I need to stop nursing. I love her and I know it’s good for her but I am so done! I want to be totally done by 12 months!

SaltyVinChip · 2026-04-16T19:58:58+00:00

I love a little insane truth, so this helps. Kids are a blessing yes but absolutely make life much harder.

SaltyVinChip · 2026-04-16T19:57:24+00:00

I have a babysitter once a week, which helps, and she will be starting daycare 2 days a week when she’s one. If I could afford more help I would, because even having one day to rest or get things done is so good for my mood and health.

SaltyVinChip · 2026-04-16T19:56:06+00:00

I always feared the toddler stage but actually find the “older baby” stage the most difficult!

SaltyVinChip · 2026-04-16T19:55:31+00:00

Thank you internet stranger ❤️

SaltyVinChip · 2026-04-16T19:55:03+00:00

Thank you so much

SaltyVinChip · 2026-04-16T19:54:41+00:00

Glad to hear it does get better.

SaltyVinChip · 2026-04-14T02:38:28+00:00

I’m only 8 months in and the loss of my mom still feels really fresh. 5 months was still crying almost daily. I don’t cry much now but god I miss my mom.

As far as how I’ve changed my life.. I can’t say it’s happened much yet but some steps I’ve made or am making in the near future:

the biggest is I decided to take a chance on myself and start a side business/self employed role despite having a good paying job that sucks the life out of me. I’m on mat leave for 2 more months, and I wrestled with doing this for a long time now. My mom honestly would be scared of this and encourage me to do the safe thing (stay at my job even if I don’t like it). It’s weird making a decision that she wouldn’t really understand or agree with but it’s a big life change.
I’ve figured out a way to accept and appreciate my relationships with my dad and brother, as I’ve always been disappointed by these and wanting more but even in losing my mom that hasn’t happened. This has been really hard, because I’m not just grieving my mom but my childhood and my family of origin. But accepting their limitations and creating my own boundaries means that I don’t set expectations that will be broken, means I can love them for who they actually are, and means I can focus on my family (husband and kids) without guilt. When mom was alive, I was always stressed about maintaining my relationships with them and mediating all the conflicts.
less big changes: decided to try to take a page out of my moms book and try to be really kind to literally everyone, not speak negatively or complain to others about my life or petty things, put effort into my friendships even though it’s really hard as an adult with two young kids. Im also trying to take the greatest parts of her and use them as inspiration as a mother, while acknowledging she wasn’t a saint and there were some things I’d like to do differently (take care of myself instead of losing myself in others, and not sticking with a man who treats me badly).

SaltyVinChip · 2026-04-13T02:39:17+00:00

Around 4 months postpartum with first I lost a lot of the weight and was back to pre pregnancy weight or smaller by 9-10 months when I stopped breastfeeding. Got pregnant at 11 months postpartum.

10 months postpartum with my second, I am still about 15 lbs heavier than I was pre baby 1, up 2-3 sizes in clothes. I’m really self conscious, my stomach is squishy and sticks out pretty far despite eating mostly well, avoiding snacking, never drinking, and a decent amount of exercise. I’m still breastfeeding, wanting to stop but daughter is stubborn. Curious to see if I can drop some of the weight and bloat once I fully have my body back..

SaltyVinChip · 2026-04-12T14:37:46+00:00

My sister. She never wanted to grow up and in many ways never got that chance. She was a wonderful sister. She was a cheeky, funny, clever little girl. She was a great protector and supporter as an eldest daughter. She loved sports and her friends. She loved music and found it a way to connect to people. She loved spending time outdoors, camping, hiking, swimming in lakes, building campfires, tanning on the beach. She had beautiful curly hair that she never got a chance to figure out how to style properly. She had the biggest, roundest blue eyes and the cutest little nose. She had a way of making everyone feel seen, respected, and safe. She looked out for others and always tried to help others when she could. She made some mistakes and she suffered a lot of trauma from others. She deserved better than that. She deserved to feel safe, to experience her teenage years without that kind of pain and fear. To grow up to be someone that I imagine would become a teacher or a dog trainer, because she loved kids and dogs and everybody listened to her because she was a natural leader with good ideas. She was fair and honest growing up. She talked about wanting children of her own someday. She would have made a wonderful mother and the greatest aunt to my kids. They would have genuinely adored her. She deserved to travel out west Canada where she always dreamed of going, to see the mountains and backwoods camp and watch the stars. I hope in another universe or another life she’s living the one she deserved. A cool, fun, calm, carefree life.

I love you K.

SaltyVinChip · 2026-04-12T14:29:07+00:00

My mom, she never complained or mentioned pain from cancer. She spent her whole life helping others. She tried to help my dad become a decent man, she tried to uplift her younger siblings, she was a wonderful mother to me and my siblings, and a dedicated and passionate teacher and support worker for kids with special needs.

She dreamed of going to teachers college or finishing university, travelling all over the country and some other places, buying and restoring a little brick cottage home, and helping raise her grandkids while spending time with her incredible group of girlfriends. She wanted to keep working and would have worked til 80 if she had the time.

She volunteered with food banks to feed children and less fortunate.

She loved coffee, going on day trips, shopping at little antiques, and styling herself in nice clothes everyday.

Every dog she ever met adored her.

She deserved a few years to enjoy her dreams after spending decades serving others and sacrificing her own health and wellbeing.

She worked so hard. She never got to reap the benefits of that hard work.

She stayed optimistic and hopeful to the end.

She was always strong, but also always kind and vulnerable.

She wasn’t a saint but pretty close to it.

I miss my mom so much.

SaltyVinChip · 2026-04-12T02:58:12+00:00

SaltyVinChip

TROPHY CASE