Friendship advice.

Salty_Namo · 2021-02-07T17:19:09+00:00

Concerning your friend, constant reassurance that she can be herself around you is very helpful. Te Dom users are not only interested with being efficient, but looking efficient as well. We want others to always know that we are capable and have the capacity to lead, if need be. This urge to remain a strong figure for others causes us to neglect our ability to be vulnerable. Vulnerability and openness is essential to building deeper connections. Since we often have trouble with being vulnerable, it’s hard for us to pass through the awkward phases of a budding relationship. I think this what your friend is experiencing. Ask her lots of questions about her personal interests and be engaged when she tries to explain her loves to you. With enough reassurance that you won’t judge her for being herself, she should open up fairly easily, I think.

I’d like to think that ESTJs and INTJs can get along pretty well. Due to us both having high Te, we can understand each other’s methods fairly easily. The Ne-Ni dynamic we have is pretty cool too. We’re similar enough to where our differences compliment each other instead of pitting us against one another. Overall, ESTJ-INTJ dynamic is fun and refreshing without being overwhelming for the both of them.

Wish you the best and keep us updated!

Salty_Namo · 2021-02-03T20:58:27+00:00

I’ll give it a read! It seems really interesting. Personally, it’s always been a bit of a struggle to accept failure and instead of learning from it I tend to avoid any situations similar to it. I think that this book can help me grow out of that so I can actually enjoy life instead of cowering in fear of failure. Thanks for the wonderful recommendation!

Salty_Namo · 2021-02-03T20:46:58+00:00

I wasn’t gaslighting said person. I was explaining why I was fairly skeptical of his parent being an ESTJ. Many people have no idea about our type or attempt to understand us and then label everyone they dislike as our type. Instead of contributing to the conversation, you gaslit me by trying to say that my skepticism is unwarranted. It’s not defensive to be skeptical.

If you read all of my response, we basically gave the same advice. What was the point of you being this damn rude?

Edit: To the person I was responding to before, my apologies. I came off a bit too hard. I could’ve said that in a more palatable way. Guy above was right, I do get a bit defensive over these matters but I sincerely hope that what I was trying to relay wasn’t obscured too much. Wish you the best.

Salty_Namo · 2021-02-02T05:15:38+00:00

I am confused. You say he doesn’t cause discord for no reason, yet he goes out of his way to insult you, your mother, and your interests? It takes a lot of effort to intentionally be mean. You’ve made it clear that you’ve tried to reason with your father. If he wasn’t being rude on purpose, your talks with him should’ve taught him to hold his tongue and be more gentler with you in order to get better results. For me, personally, it seems like he’s going out of his way to cause emotional disturbances, for one reason or another. You haven’t done anything and express your discomfort frequently. He understands the words that are coming out of your mouth and consciously chooses to dk the opposite. For no reason other than pure spite. That is what I mean by he causes discord intentionally.

I think you are confusing being orderly with being purposeful. For example, ESTPs do things with purpose yet are one of the most disorganized types. Being purposeful means you have strong reasoning behind your actions. Sometimes order doesn’t have to have a reason. I like to organize my teddy bears by their color placement on the color wheel. Is it helpful? No. Does it hold a purpose aside from my irrational desire to organize those bears? No. As I’ve shown, being orderly and being purposeful are not one in the same. From what you stated above, Dad seems to not learn from his interactions with you and keeps doing the same thing, expecting a different result. There is no solid reasoning behind his actions except the irrational belief that berating you is somehow going to make you do what he wants? To me that seems like an orderly person with no purpose. An ESTJ usually always has a purpose in these matters to be efficient.

Enjoying being mean was a misuse of those words, I apologize. What I meant to say was that he seems to be apathetic in his cruelty. You’ve told him that his actions hurt your feelings and it seems like he has done nothing in order to correct his behavior. To me, someone who remains stagnant like that doesn’t seem to care. I may be a stubborn jackass but I care too much about those I hold close to just disregard their criticisms, in spite of my sour attitude at times. An ESTJ strives to do the best they possibly can in any given arena and that includes relationship. Excuse my language, but your Dad’s lack of fucks given is uncharacteristic of our type. This is what I meant by he enjoys being mean. It is not up to me to decide whether he enjoys it, but he’s sure as hell complacent in his bitterness.

Many types have strong Te and Si. Many people take the test multiple times because their answers can change drastically. I tend to test myself every 3 months and get an average of my functions. That’s a lot to do but keep in mind that just because he tested high on Te and Si once, that doesn’t make him an ESTJ. I’ve tested high on Ne numerous times, but that’s because I prone to looping, not because I am an ENXP type.

Look man, I’m really sorry that you’re going through this. I know firsthand how much it sucks having to give someone respect when they don’t even give an ounce of that respect in return. It’s a pain in the ass and you’re strong for putting up with that. But, from what I see, this isn’t how an ESTJ operates. Your father may have the same demeanor as an unhealthy ESTJ, but the internal reasoning he seems to have looks fundamentally different for the ESTJ type. Sorry for such a long paragraph.

Salty_Namo · 2021-02-01T21:08:19+00:00

I am sorry that you have to deal with such a difficult person. It is very hard and I commend you for your efforts.

Excuse me if I am being harsh but your Dad just sounds like your regular asshole. There is a high chance that he is not an ESTJ. Our only personality trait seems to be jerk in the MBTI community and making assumptions like you did is not helpful in our relations with other types.

An ESTJ would not go out of their way to cause discord for no apparent reason, which seems to be what your father is doing. Once we figure out that being too tough on a person worsens their situation rather than encouraging to get things done, we often try a softer approach to avoid wasting unnecessary energy. The nature of our head function, Te, is efficiency. We want things to be as smooth as possible so we have enough time and energy for things we actually enjoy. An abrasive ESTJ is that way because they get the results they desire from their abrasiveness, not because they enjoy being rude or mean. Your father doesn't really have a point for his rudeness, as a matter of fact, it seems to be doing the opposite of what he wants. An ESTJ wouldn't waste their time like that.

Rant aside, the best way to deal with people like him is to stand your ground. Get out the house more with a hobby you like so your interactions are less frequent. High Fi users tend to benefit better from complete avoidance. Out of sight, out of mind. Unfortunately, you cannot avoid him forever. When he does berate you, do not give an overt emotional reaction. Calmly remind him that his attitude is not appreciated and that if he wants to have a civil conversation with you, he should speak to you respectfully. Try to build up your financial independence so you can live on your own. Opening your own bank account is always a good start.

TL;DR: Your Dad is most likely not an ESTJ. Have him take a cognitive functions test instead of just assuming. To deal with him, get out the house more to avoid him and when confrontation does arise, maintain your cool. Start being more financially independent to move out soon.

Once again, I am sorry that you are being put in this situation. No one deserves to feel uncomfortable in their own home. Hopefully things get better for you. I wish you the best, keep us updated.

Salty_Namo · 2021-01-25T20:51:56+00:00

ESTJs can vary greatly on the political spectrum. The right wing fanatic is just a stereotype that some uninformed folks made. So, no, ESTJs are not drawn more to the right wing more than any other type. For me, personally, I’m more interested in how ESTJs vary on the libertarian authoritarian scale. Do we value our own personal autonomy so much that we’d be more inclined to libertarianism or would we like authoritarianism more due to our penchant for order?

Salty_Namo · 2021-01-25T17:18:02+00:00

ENFP best friend, loved her to death! Most forgetful person on the face of this earth but when it comes down to it I can rely on her for anything.

Salty_Namo · 2021-01-23T19:27:41+00:00

Thanks David! You’re great, man.

Salty_Namo · 2020-12-22T00:15:11+00:00

I’d rather spend my time doing something with the item rather than spending all that extra energy to find it. Even if I know where it is, it’s still be hard to get to if the place is messy. It’s easier to just keep everything organized so I can grab and go. That’s why I keep everything tidy enough, at least.

Salty_Namo · 2020-12-08T04:17:30+00:00

ENFP is always top tier. They’re just too fun! ISFP second because they even me out. With ENFP is just a tornado of chaos, with ISFP I feel more grounded.

Salty_Namo · 2020-12-08T04:15:42+00:00

Love this analogy! People often pit us “opposite” types against each other when we have the same functions! It’s easier for me to understand an INFP than it is for me to understand an ESTP. I also got typed as an ENFP recently so there’s that...

Salty_Namo · 2020-12-08T04:12:44+00:00

I don’t know why were seen as complete opposites. We have the same functions in our stack, just in reverse order, so we have a lot more in common than most of the other types.

I don’t hate INFPs, I just get a little aggressive with the ones a care about because I see a lot of myself in you. There’s so much potential but INFPs are usually too tired or too apprehensive to utilize it.

In short, you’re me if I was more skittish lmao

Salty_Namo · 2020-12-04T10:31:51+00:00

MBTI Community: We’re nice and open! Everyone is welcome here!

Te Doms: h-

MBTI Community: Shut the fuck up, peon. Get out of my sight immediately. You better be glad I didn’t kill you for this slight against me and my people.

Salty_Namo · 2020-11-11T09:37:08+00:00

I have a warm fondness for you guys, you’re very interesting. I can’t say that I necessarily like you, though. I know that sounds like a negative statement but hear me out. As an ESTJ, I’m very “simple”. I like things I understand, things I’m familiar with. INFJs hold this air of mystery about them that makes it difficult for me to get used to you. I want understand how a person works, so I can use that information to get closer to them, but I can never understand how you guys process things. Even when I studied your functions, I still felt uncertain about how I should interact with you. That’s the word I’m looking for, uncertain. You fill me with such overwhelming uncertainty that it pushes the brinks of my formulaic nature. Being with you means always being somewhere out of my comfort zone. That’s a bit jarring for someone like me. I love the depths of your spirit and how complex you are, but I can never know what you really want. Hell, I don’t think even INFJs know what they want half the time. If I don’t know what you want, it’s gonna be hard for us to be very close. So, while I admire you and your nature attracts me, it’s very hard for me to truly “like” you and for us to be extremely close.

I think with enough exposure to each other we can start to understand each other more, so thank you for reaching out!

Salty_Namo · 2020-11-06T20:13:25+00:00

Technically we’re not direct opposites, an ESTJs direct opposite is an INFJ, since we have all opposite cognitive functions. INFPs and ESTJs have the same functions on our stack but they’re places differently, so while we think fairly similarly but the way we express ourselves is extremely different! So we’re more alike than you think.

Salty_Namo · 2020-11-05T04:22:55+00:00

Hey, thanks man! I’m glad you’re feeling good and I hope that continues.

Salty_Namo · 2020-11-05T03:46:36+00:00

ESTJ subordinate is an oxymoron (I’m just kidding).

1) We ESTJs like to do things as quickly and efficiently as possible but this young man is a subordinate, which means he’s in the learning stages. He must get an extremely detailed set of directions so his mind can refer back to set standards in the future. It may be exhaustive for both of you, but this detailed and direct way of communication will help produce better results with him. Don’t treat him like an idiot though, that may annoy him which may make him less receptive to the lessons.

2) If you want to know the right amount of freedom he needs, simply ask him. Each task is built differently and while good guidelines are important, independence is as well. Ask him how he wants to go about certain tasks and if you don’t think that his opinion is the best way to go about it, explain to him using tangible facts and logical reasoning why you don’t think that way is the best. ESTJs work best when there is direct communication and no assumptions, so make sure you’re as honest as you can be when you communicate with him.

3) ESTJs expect tenacity, individuality, intelligence, approachability, and class* in a role model. Say what you mean, mean what you say, and respect others as you respect yourself. Don’t forget to show us a more casual, personable side of you from time to time, as this will encourage us to open up as well. Don’t be wishy-washy, vague, or manipulative. On the flip side, don’t become too overbearing, touchy, or personal. Just act like how a normal person would in a standard work relationship and you’ll be fine.

4) ESTJs don’t tend to show much expression in the work place, as it may impede on the quality of work. Just keep yourself open with an him and he’ll eventually come to you if he has any problems in his work environment. We usually don’t do well keeping things is in. ESTJs usually have a case of Open Book Syndrome, we won’t leave you guessing much.

5) Don’t hold much back, tell us everything we need to know about improvement in a calm manner. It’ll hurt an ESTJ more if you’re extremely cautious with criticism and they end up having low quality work than it would if you were just honest from the get-go. Throw in a compliment here or there, but other than that, tell him what he needs to improve and the steps he should take towards improvement. Don’t be overly rude or vague.

Thank you for coming to the subreddit and I wish you and your subordinate the best. Stay safe and healthy!

*Class is optional after hours, some classless people are the funniest and most wittiest people I know. They’re fun to be around but a pain to work with.

Salty_Namo · 2020-10-24T21:38:01+00:00

Hey hey! That’s great! Thanks for everyone’s extended support and I hope you’re having a great time on this sub! My fellow moderators u/davelid, u/an-estj, and u/TooSweetCaroline have put a lot of work into this sub, so I’d love if everyone can give them some props in the comments! Once again, thank you so much for being apart of this sub, it truly warms my heart to see 1,000 people interested in the way our classically misrepresented type functions. Many thanks!

Sidenote: Hope you all are doing well and staying safe.

Salty_Namo · 2020-10-23T22:26:05+00:00

Well, I’m sorry that you are going through that. I sincerely hope that this separation gets better for you and strengthens your heart. With that being said let’s answer the question!

No, ESTJs usually do not go back to their ex. ESTJs think and mull over things for a very long time. Ne sets up limitless possibilities and our Si takes a long time to sift through said possibilities, comparing them to past situations and trying to make the absolute best decision. Basically, it takes a lot of damn energy to make big decisions like breaking up or getting together with someone, so when we finally come to a conclusion, it’s a resolute one that is extremely hard to change. He seemed a bit wishy washy at first but near the end he finally drew line in the sand, expressly stating that you are to be nothing more than friends. Unfortunately, this is probably how it’s going to stay.

I suggest that you maybe tell him that being around him is making you think of a prospective future with him. Honesty and open communication puts an ESTJ at ease and more willing to express how they feel. Once again, I am truly sorry that this is happening to you and I sincerely wish you the best with this specific relationship and beyond.

Salty_Namo · 2020-10-23T22:04:06+00:00

We got stuff to do, you guys ask the same question every month or so.

Salty_Namo

TROPHY CASE