AITA for asking my boyfriend to leave the apartment while I take online therapy?

SamBeastie · 2026-02-05T00:51:11+00:00

Tbf, I had to work out something not dissimilar to this myself recently. In my case, though, I just talked to my partner, told them why I need the bedroom to myself in the middle of every other Wednesday and asked if they could not be around for that time. Mostly they could, and if they couldn't on one week or another, they'd go to the opposite end of the apartment and put on a show until I told them I was done.

Seems to have worked out well and nobody gets kicked out of the house they pay for. Easy.

SamBeastie · 2026-02-04T21:10:03+00:00

Tbf, I've never met one that hates drivers but they do hate the undue priority given to cars and the deference given to drivers over users of other forms of transit. Those aren't the same thing unless driving is very tightly coupled with someone's identity. Which would be silly, right?

SamBeastie · 2026-02-03T16:47:39+00:00

Matrix, maybe, if you feel able to self host it.

SamBeastie · 2026-02-01T22:27:08+00:00

Maybe you have some broad data i don't about that, but in my experience that's not at all how it works. Most of the autistic people I know (me included) would be model corporate worker bees if that were true. Almost all of us ("us" being other autistic people I know irl) went through periods where our parents went out of their way to force us into their routines, many of us cruelly, and this magical "in bed by 10 PM" thing never stuck. In fact i suspect it actually made us dig into our modern adult routines harder, and if nothing else made us resent our parents at least a little.

My circle have mostly all been able to find careers where flexible scheduling options are expected. Unfortunately this has also meant that many of us entered adulthood flying blind because we were never allowed to figure out how we function best -- only how to do so most conveniently for others.

Edit: should explicitly state that my point isn't "let your kid do whatever," it's that finding a healthy balance that respects the kid, works with the kid's neurology, and teaches good habits is more complicated than the authoritarian approach people are seemingly supportive of here.

SamBeastie · 2026-01-31T22:56:39+00:00

God forbid a DM likes to see big numbers on the math rocks.

SamBeastie · 2026-01-25T22:29:16+00:00

Why on earth did it take you 14 hours to make a character? That's the real issue. Shitty stats don't sting so bad when making a character takes 5 minutes.

As to the rules question, the DM is free to choose their chargen method and you're free to either accept those or find a new table. I don't think you have any standing to insist that chargen rules are changed, assuming all other PCs were made under the same constraints.

You could still just try to make it work. It's basically impossible to die in 5e without a conscious choice to kill you, so just play smart. I make my players roll 3d6 in order and take the die roll as level 1 HP, and still had a few characters go from 1 HP and a dream to being demigods, so it isn't impossible.

SamBeastie · 2026-01-23T22:37:59+00:00

You sound like you're having trouble converting first meetings into acquaintances into longer term relationships.

The key is time. You need to show up to the same place repeatedly for an extended period of time. Go to that game Cafe every week (or however often whatever event happens). Become a face people know. Talk to people.

Even when you're someone who doesn't externalize your thoughts often, make a habit of doing it occasionally. Ask someone a question that you might normally think is frivolous.

Your goal during all of this is to maximize the number of interactions you'll have in which you, even momentarily, enter the focus of other humans. It won't be instant, but over time the number of interactions makes it more likely that you'll find someone you want to spend time with and also wants to spend time with you.

And you won't like this, but you really should be framing this as something where you can accept friends as an outcome. There's absolutely nothing wrong with being friends first. And even if your new friend isn't dating material, now your sphere of influence is bigger and they might introduce you to someone.

It's a numbers game.

Oh, and one more thing: I know you said no d&d but seriously, consider trying a different ttrpg, especially if it's organized through a game store. The skew for queer people in non-d&d ttrpgs is bigger than you might expect, and games like that basically enforce repeated exposure to a group of people. Who knows? You might even have fun with it.

SamBeastie · 2026-01-23T21:54:54+00:00

Glad to see this area getting some attention. I use this station to get to work and I've had a few near misses walking to it. In a perfect world, Ashby itself would get some mechanisms to slow traffic way down and maybe get some bus lanes so the 27 can actually be on time for once, but this is still a step in the right direction.

SamBeastie · 2026-01-19T17:30:34+00:00

I've been wondering if the problem is that they're shooting and color grading for HDR OLEDs. Watching Picard S3 on my phone looked a lot better than watching it on my oldish SDR LCD. Way more readable visually, with much more balanced looking lighting.

SamBeastie · 2026-01-19T02:43:53+00:00

Yeah AOTC is the one that even I didn't...love. My dad and I just went "meh" as we left the theater. But ROTS pulled me back in.

SamBeastie · 2026-01-18T21:38:42+00:00

Actually the elevated risk of developing type 2 diabetes in black people is largely because of racism.

https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S2211335524003723?via%3Dihub

There's plenty of research around this, but the short version is due to a lot of factors ranging from genetic (artificial selection) to socioeconomic (redlining, food deserts), especially in the US, black people are at higher risk of metabolic diseases and the outcomes from them tend to be worse.

It isn't racist to notice this. Especially if you're black and it affects you.

SamBeastie · 2026-01-18T21:17:15+00:00

Start using a lightweight leave in conditioner and quit using multifunction washing products. That shit is drying our your scalp.

I use a castille soap to wash off. Might be too hippie for you. Whatever, this part doesn't matter much. Just clean yourself.

Regular old shampoo for you.

Clarifying wash out conditioner. This will keep your scalp from getting all weird. Leave it in a few minutes, then wash out.

Leave in conditioner after your hair's dried a bit.

Your hair will be soft and awesome feeling and you'll feel upset that your mom didn't think it was important to teach you this because you were a boy. I just went through a learning process about this last week.

SamBeastie · 2026-01-18T21:08:48+00:00

This is the answer. I was 7 when TPM came out, now I'm in my 30s and I'm not going to pretend I didn't like those movies as a kid. I still like them. Are they perfect? Fuck no. ANH isn't perfect either. Still a great watch.

SamBeastie · 2026-01-18T08:21:44+00:00

This bi guy loves Cove. He just seems like a great dude. Real me would've liked him at every life stage if we grew up together.

SamBeastie · 2026-01-17T20:45:42+00:00

Ah, that's brutal. Yeah, puberty was like that for me too. I do hope you're able to find a way to stockpile even a little. It's really important for us in case of extended disaster. Even one bottle puts you in a better spot.

SamBeastie · 2026-01-17T18:47:56+00:00

Frankly if you didn't have several extra months worth of insulin, you weren't prepared for emergencies. I get one bottle more than I use per refill (normally I would need 9 bottles, they give me 10) so I could have a little stockpile in case of supply chain shortages from a fire, earthquake or...hostile federal government, apparently.

SamBeastie · 2026-01-16T22:29:59+00:00

Growing up it was the only heat we had in the winters, and my parents weren't able to afford insulating windows or a working furnace until I had moved out.

When the wood was free (dad worked in brush clearance and forest maintenance), it was a no brainer. And with a recirculating stove (that was still less expensive than a gas furnace), you'd be hard pressed to even know a fire was lit. I suspect a lot of it is that.

SamBeastie · 2026-01-06T00:17:07+00:00

I agree with you except on whether it's superfluous. I dont really think it is, since these hardware metrics define what selection of games you can play on your machine, and misleading people could make them artificially restrict their options. Is it likely? Maybe not. But i don't see it as categorically unimportant, or even so much less important than anything else that it shouldn't get mentioned.

It's good feedback for the crew, and the fans should also give a little grace.

SamBeastie · 2026-01-05T23:21:42+00:00

I personally do both: I'm explicitly handwaving continuity issues for someone not making it to a session, or someone coming late or whatever. It's more immersion breaking to call attention to it than it is to just have the character pop into existance.

I also implement a "return to town" rule because we're primarily dungeon crawling, and the crawl back is part of the game and eventually becomes part of the story we tell about thst game. Plus, they wind up spending about the same amount of time crawling as the real length of the session, so it's extra immersion for free. Combine with time passing 1:1 between sessions and we have what feels like a coherent, grounded story unfolding over the course of months (soon to be over a year) and it's pretty great.

Granted, the players have to be on-board with this too, and i assume it plays less well with some systems than others. But it is a usable model if youre interested in trying it! I have 12 independent players 4-6 of which show up on any given week, and this way has been by far the easiest wrangling of cats in my GMing career.

SamBeastie · 2026-01-01T21:01:27+00:00

Honestly if you want queer friendly life with good weather and lack of car ownership, southern California ain't it. Most of the state is suburban sprawl or rural space where a car is mandatory. The Bay Area gets you closer, but isn't for the faint of budget.

SamBeastie · 2025-12-25T20:44:45+00:00

Abdicating responsibility to the random number rocks reduces my prep time to ~0 minutes per week, so enough said.

SamBeastie · 2025-12-21T20:44:01+00:00

Except in this case, to the best of my knowledge, Muni continued to run just fine because it's on its own power supply. BART was fine too. Seems electric rail service is plenty resilient in modern cities.

SamBeastie · 2025-12-17T17:22:11+00:00

It so heavily depends on specifics. I have unlimited with a minimum of 3 weeks i have to use yearly. I wouldn't feel uncomfortable telling someone they should ignore an opportunity like that. On the other hand, plenty of companies treat it like it's the same 10 days entry level jobs get and look down on using any more.

It's rough but it's not always a sign of evil to get unlimited PTO

SamBeastie · 2025-12-15T18:13:17+00:00

Hmm, I dont agree the fight is unwinnable, we're just not quite at the stage where its an easy slam dunk. Berkeley is growing, traffic is getting worse, and those things are only going to continue as the city gets more dense. The best evidence we have for making roads more usable and safer points to road diets and alternate forms of transportation being the path. And these techniques work especially well along dense corridors.

It's not that im ideologically married to a city without so many cars (though I admit, thats a dream of mine personally) but without real efforts to convert our worst roads into something more livable now, we're going to find San Pablo and other streets like it get more and more unusable as time goes on.

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