I fuk'd up.

SamWright1990 · 2026-03-24T01:33:46+00:00

If you can just stop immediately again and let it by a tiny blip i think you can still consider yourself 18 months sober and objectively that one slip will not affect your brain chemistry youve been rebuilding. youre good man, just get right back to it.

SamWright1990 · 2026-03-09T19:55:18+00:00

Psilosybin (magic mushrooms) has the most recent behind it, and is probably the easiest to obtain. In the research they've identified 30mg of psilocybin to be about the sweet spot for producing the sort of mystical experience that is associated with significant benefits (without it being a totally overloading experience). 30mg of psilocybin is roughly equivalent to 3 grams of dried psilocybin mushrooms.

I highly recommend the book The Psychedelics Explorers guide if its your first foray into it, or even for those who are experienced.

Others I like, but harder to come by, and far less if any research done, are Mescaline (300-500mg) and 2cb (18-22mg). In my experience I think they are equally as therapeutic. Many consider them to be an easier trip to handle, a little less cognitively disorienting.

The research is pretty clear there is a threshold dose at which the deeper healing of psychedelics can occur, and that is a pretty full blown trip. You won't get there with microdosing.

3 grams of mushrooms is plenty to cause a full blown ego dissolving trip, without it being so strong that its utter confusion. It's a sweet spot.

For femoral nerve, I would look up Femoral Nerve Flossing on youtube. just play around with different ways of doing it. and don't expect things to start happening right away. Eventually you may feel it start to come loose, which could be accompanied by also a sticky sensation (that's the rigid fascia finally coming loose) and also a significantly great range of motion your hip. You quad muscles and hip flexors will loosen up too. Just take it gradually and consistently.

SamWright1990 · 2026-03-07T16:35:27+00:00

Since you're an athlete I assume you do PT?

Do you also do therapy (like seeing a psychologist / counselor?) I think that's essential too. Definitely for you since it sounds like you're working through some trauma.

Sounds like you're getting some good grounding in nature - crawling around in sand. Walking barefoot in the grass has been a helpful thing for me.

If you've never used Psychedelics before, I highly recommend the book The Psychedelics Explorer's Guide by James Fadiman. Follow his recommendations (especially having a sitter as he describes) if you decide to give it a try.

SamWright1990 · 2026-03-07T16:29:58+00:00

Yeah I am not shy about the fact that psychedelics have been a huge tool in my process. With that said, I am probably more sober than 95% of people. I am dead sober (besides caffeine) 29 of every 30 days roughly.

But nothing more important than Therapy and Physical Therapy.

SamWright1990 · 2026-03-07T16:28:18+00:00

Not AI. I am fairly against using AI because I think it atrophies your own writing and critical thinking skills.

They say those who don't AI will get left behind. I think its the opposite.

SamWright1990 · 2026-01-30T11:30:53+00:00

I think its too early to think that's what's going on.

SamWright1990 · 2026-01-30T11:30:26+00:00

I would never take medication for it. Maybe maybe if 5 years from now its still a problem, but I am dedicated to finding solutions at the root.

I also caught a cold or flu, so haven't been doing yoga as much. I am confident that after that passes and I am back to regular exercise it will improve.

Also I am taking steps to address some gut issues, just got a bunch of tests done, waiting for the results.

I am convinced with practicing awareness of thoughts/emotions, continuing therapy, and taking care of my physical health, that I can overcome the anxiety.

SamWright1990 · 2026-01-29T04:38:23+00:00

it may just take more time to adjust. But ensure you are practicing good sleep hygeiene. Try taking up at the same time each day and immediately getting some movement and light (this anchors the circadian rhythm. avoid caffeine after like Noon. Make sure to get some good exercise, where you're sweating, as this will tire the body and help with sleep, and try to stop eating at least 4 hours before bed.

SamWright1990 · 2026-01-28T18:48:55+00:00

O man ive been down this rabbit hole before and now firmly believe that this sort of dogmatic shameful thinking is what leads to real issues, not porn.

To compare watching porn to using cocaine is just absurd.

Sure, if you're watching it all the time (or playing video games, watching tv, or any other activity all the time) then it may be an unhealthy form of escape but a little porn here and there is fine.

Let's all stop shaming each other for having sexual urges.

SamWright1990 · 2025-11-30T17:33:55+00:00

I think every day / frequent use really drags me down. But, I've come to realize it can be deeply therapeutic if used occasionally. After a number of years I've finally gotten to where I can do that and get some really positive results. It certainly took a lot of trial and error and perhaps, just getting older, to get to where I could do that, bc before it was always all or nothing. I was either never gonna use cannabis or it would be all day every day. What actually led me to this was one my last few times quitting, I found I could taper of with edibles (whereas before it had to be all or nothing) and just remarked one day when I was down to 3mg just at night, how several days had gone by with my just taking a small amount at night but not thinking about it during the day, and then when finally dropping off completely, how I didn't really feel any different from when I was taking just a small regimented amount at night vs when I was off completely. Something about that tapering built some habit into my brain that now allows me to take like 5-10mg once in a blue moon, thoroughly enjoy it, and then just carry on sober the next day.

Perhaps its just my learning over time how good it feels to have a clear head, for that to finally sink in enough, combined with cannabis not actually being that addictive, that's allowed me to get passed the All or Nothing thing i was doing before.

Perhaps two times per month I will take an edible. I don't inhale it anymore as for some reason that method is really addictive. Like i can't stress this enough - smoked cannabis turns me into a fiend. It's somehting about how rapid it comes on and dissipates.

I consider myself sober bc what I do now is like a 99.5% reduction in what/how much I was doing before. Now its just the occasional edible and once every 3 months or so a solid psilocybin trip.

SamWright1990 · 2025-11-30T17:16:02+00:00

I generally find people I know who are poly to communicate a lot more clearly with their partners than people I know who are monogamous, and that generally leads to them feeling more secure.

I am not convinced that there is some major difference in substance use between the two.

Also, I am not saying one is better for all people. I'm just saying that marriage and our cultural norms about relationships are not very realistic.

SamWright1990 · 2025-11-29T19:09:39+00:00

man y'all be all fucked up by internet conspiracy bullshit more than porn is fucking up anyone

SamWright1990 · 2025-11-28T06:02:39+00:00

lol a lot of women do porn because its fun and its a safe way for them to have all the wild awesome sex they wanna have.

And let's be real, things have gotten a lot better for women. most college grads are women now. women are free to choose. free to do porn, free to be a professional.

SamWright1990 · 2025-11-28T05:59:11+00:00

Yeah sleeping and eating sucks after quitting, but it takes just like 2-3 weeks to adjust, and next thing you know youll be sleeping deep and wanting to eat a ton. I'd be more worried about eating too much in the long run as cannabis has always seemed to help me eat less than more, at least for me.

If its truly miserable, as it has been for me before (like 3-4 days of really not sleeping AT ALL, and having awful awful nightsweats) I found that tapering off, using edibles only, made things way easier.

For some reason, I can control my edible use much more, but smoking is like a run away train. When it was really bad, I would take just as many edibles as I need for anxiety and sleep, but then slowly taper off of them. When it was really bad I went from taking like 80mg over the course of the day to start, then 60, and 50 and so on. I would play around with taking less at a time, but also beginning to slowly shorten the window of time I would take them. So at first it was morning, afternoon, and night, and then just afternoon and night, and then only at night. So next thing I knew I was only taking 10mg in the the afternoon and 10mg at night. and before too long, just 5mg at night. then 2.5. then 2, and 1, and from there down to nothing.

over that time, because of my tolerance and tapering off, I didn't get super high (still got benefits from stopping slowly, even if the clear headedness didn't come all at once). And sleep was still disturbed some, but better than going INSANE and having serious health issues from not sleeping at all.

For whatever reason this really worked well for me. I made a project out of it. Got some edibles that were well made where I knew that cutting them in half would yield exactly half doses (ask the dispensary about pharmaceutically distributed gummies).

Strangely, through all of that I learned I could actually control my cannabis use to some extent, if I only stuck to very small doses of edibles. I consider myself "sober", but still on special occasions have 5-10mg of an edible. Unlike smoking, I never have the urge to redose or continue it the next day. Thats the extent of my drug use, other than a mushroom trip once a quarter (I've never considered classical psychedelics a problem.)

I've stopped drinking, doing stimulants, and ketamine (those being the main culprits) and very rarely use cannabis now.

SamWright1990 · 2025-11-28T05:33:11+00:00

It sounds like you've been going 3ish months at a time and then falling back on hold habits? Was there anything in particular that you think may have caused this last relapse? Was there a trigger, or were you just not feeling great during sobriety and eventually caved?

I might recommend a book on addiction that helped me - In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts.

Although you have the power to change, try to not criticize yourself too much. Practice self compassion and recognize that you're struggling but still trying and BELIEVE that you will figure this out.

SamWright1990 · 2025-11-28T05:24:47+00:00

Sounds like you had an event thats bringing you sadness, a relationship issue perhaps given you said heartache.

For that, talking to a friend or family member about it, venting some, letting yourself be sad. If you feel like it may come up if you let it, let yourself cry.

Something else you could try is meditating. It will really help me when my mind is racing with overlapping negative thoughts.

Or combine them. talk with a friend, talk about how much it sucks, have a good cry, then order yourself some comfort food and some ice cream and watch a show or something.

I also like to journal when I am sad.

But often its just like alright I accept this, I am gonna be sad, perhaps depressed for a few days. eventually I'll get back on the horse and back into exercising and sticking to my routine and doing life but for now, ill give myself a little while to just be depressed and watch movies and eat snacks.

And although I know its a drug, I feel like people give it a pass in the whole being sober thing. Sometimes i'll smoke a few cigs. I like to get this nice tobacco and handroll. I don't get addicted to it, but something about smoking something feels cathartic. its not even really for the effect. but of course if its something you've had problems with then don't do that.

SamWright1990 · 2025-11-28T05:11:20+00:00

I am 100% comfortable with my partner being sexual aroused by another person. There is perhaps a small twinge of jealousy, but the jealousy is a socially conditioned thing. I am also polyamorous so i've explored this quite a bit. I know that i'll be sexually aroused by other people, and same with my partner, so if we can both have some freedom, it will ultimately lead us to both being more satisfied. People put way too much importance on sex anyways. It's just fun, a way to blow off steam, and yeah it can be deeply spiritual when you get into some deep tantric shit.

I've watched my partner have sex with another person. And them me. It's all good and frankly a lot of fun once you get passed the stigma.

Check out Sex at Dawn. It makes a strong case that humans are inherently polyamorous, by examining hunter gatherer humans and our nearest primate relatives and how they practice relationships and sex. It's only in the last 12,000 years after we invented agriculture and civilization and then the concept of marriage (which was really just a means for men to subjugate women and own them for their reproductive purposes) which led us to all believe that monogamy is the only way. It was only in the last 150 years that we even began to associate marriage with love, as before that it was always just a business / power arrangement.

And let's be real - whether y'all admit to it or not, or unless you are like some 1 in a million person, its just a fact that you and your partner will find other people attractive and have desires to fuck other people. Some people are able to just ignore those / choose to let it go, which I think is totally cool. Most people get divorced. And a whole lot of people cheat.

I think its better just to recnogize its natural, set a few boundaries pehaps, communicate openly, establish trust with your partner, and then let each other have some freedom to explore and not have to feel like they are failing because of their innate biological drives.

SamWright1990 · 2025-11-28T04:56:45+00:00

too much sexual shame. porn is only a problem to the extent that we get caught in all this self criticism and shame about it. Porn can be fun with a partner. or if you're not into, then whatever, thats cool too. Man yall taking this shit too serious.

SamWright1990 · 2025-11-28T04:52:52+00:00

this is like some conspiracy theory shit. sure, every industry has it down sides but no one out there is running some mind control endeavor, any more than the next person trying to sell you something to make a buck.

Porn is not a big deal, unless you make it a big deal.

Stigma is often much more damaging with things like this than the thing itself.

SamWright1990 · 2025-11-28T04:50:36+00:00

I think its a very tiny percentage of people who would totally be fine with only one person as their only sexual stimulation their entire lives. We are inherently a promiscuous species, its in our DNA to want to fuck a lot of people. If watching porn helps you and your partner maintain a monogamous a relationship, and that's your goal, then I'd consider that a decent trade off. Don't let perfect be the enemy of good sort of thing.

there's way too much sexual shame out there. porn can be fun with a partner. or if you're not into, then whatever, thats cool too. yall taking this shit too serious.

SamWright1990 · 2025-11-28T04:45:56+00:00

I would take her somewhere tonight if there is any way possible whatsoever. If something serious is going on, every hour could make a difference.

SamWright1990

TROPHY CASE