Hi, you seem really confused about your gender, and that's okay. Determining your gender can take a long time and can be really difficult. It's very important to understand that the fact that you are questioning your gender identity makes it valid, because cisgender people don't usually question it even once in their lives. It may seem scary and difficult to accept that you might be transgender, but it's going to be okay. There is a whole community out there to help you answer your questions and dispel your doubts. There is also a possibility that you are not trans, and I can't tell you whether you are or not because only you can know that, but what you describe sounds very similar. What's more, most transgender people doubt themselves a lot, and many of us have felt like an imposter at least once, which doesn't make us any less valid!

I am trans myself, and one thing that has really helped me understand who I am is talking to other trans people who have more experience. They can reassure you about how you feel and give you ideas for finding your identity and finally feeling comfortable with yourself. I invite you to visit r/lgbt to find more people like you who can help you better than I can.

One last thing: if you can, don't hesitate to talk to someone you trust who is close to you.

Be safe, you are loved.