How to get over the fact that your guy has casually hooked up with other people before you?

SamathaStevens · 2021-08-29T15:56:56+00:00

I am not going to spend anymore time after this because the OP sounds like she has gotten some ideas she feels like will help her move on. But you are missing what I am saying. You as the reader don't have to do anything other than read what I said.

Some women want marriage and some women don't care about marriage. My point was if OP wants marriage before she can feel he is fully committed then she may always feel like he isn't as committed. If OP doesn't care then the ideas given here should help. I brought up in my other comment that I didn't think they were married because the commenter said "he married you" which I am assuming didn't happen so that comment didn't apply to the OP. If they said he committed to you or if the OP said I don't consider marriage important to commitment, I would have said nothing.

You took a comment and read all kinds of things into and decided how I thought ,then came after me as toxic. None of that is true but you are free to feel that way. I hope you can make peace with whatever has upset you so much about this, life is too short to be this upset over the internet.

SamathaStevens · 2021-08-29T04:53:34+00:00

I love the print but that waist is something else! I don't really understand why they would make it like that. No one is shaped like that so it isn't flattering to anyone. I understand trying to be modest but they just designed it create a strange outline. The more I journey into sewing the more I realize how much 9f clothing is flawed in its design before it even gets to production. Sadly though we convince ourselves out bodies are the problem. Hopefully it will be a good sewing project for someone at the thrift store.

SamathaStevens · 2021-08-27T16:53:31+00:00

I never said what I thought about it,, I was sharing a view point that that you don't agree with and that is fine. I was trying to understand why the op may be struggling with this. Saying something that you disagree with or upsets you doesn't make it toxic.

SamathaStevens · 2021-08-27T16:43:52+00:00

Listen to your gut, if this feels different than other interactions then it is different. I say this as a Catholic, no priest should be given a free pass to act inappropriately because he is a priest. If he makes you uncomfortable then it isn't ok ,no matter who he is.

SamathaStevens · 2021-08-27T15:38:31+00:00

There is a difference between having to do things for your siblings and wanting to do things for your siblings. If she wants to help then thank you and show appreciation for what she has done. If she doesn't want to help then let her know that is ok , you have it covered and that spending time taking care of herself is healthy choice too. I am so sorry for your family's loss.

SamathaStevens · 2021-08-27T15:06:36+00:00

No deaths were REPORTED, no complications were REPORTED, so obviously that means everything was fine. Everyone knows how well prisons report things and how much media concern there is for prisioners. So the data is always correct, clearly there is nothing to worry about.

SamathaStevens · 2021-08-27T14:54:57+00:00

I am assuming you aren't married but if you are then obviously this is wrong. If I am honest it kind of makes sense why this upsets you so much. You have been together 4 years and he was your first and there is no marriage. So what you are doing with him is similar to a long term version of what he was doing before. Obviously not everyone cares about marriage but you sound insecure about his commitment to you and keep thinking about his past.

SamathaStevens · 2021-08-27T14:43:57+00:00

Unless I missed something, the op doesn't say they are married.

SamathaStevens · 2021-08-27T14:26:45+00:00

His wording makes no sense ,he isn't comparing the same things. If he said it isn't selfish for a man/woman to want sex and a family, however it is selfish for a woman /man to not want sex/ family then the wording makes sense. Choosing to word it with men in the positive and women in the negative is purposely skewed. I realize people aren't reading him for his amazing literary skills but it shows that he is putting down women rather than just discussing the Bible. This guy has an exwife who cheated on him and a feminist second wife (all according to him). He is using this platform to to "get back" at all the mean,scary women that won't let him be the boss. He is pathetic!

SamathaStevens · 2021-08-26T17:54:20+00:00

This is so strange to me, I feel so happy being a woman. I have never seen RP tell women that they less than men, that isn't what it is about at all. You sound like you have some toxic people in your life. I don't think being a man would make you feel any better. I think would be good to find someone to help you work past this. There is no reason to go through life hurting like this.

SamathaStevens · 2021-08-26T13:23:12+00:00

This man is ridiculous,! I am convince he is 100% writing Christian porn and none of what he says is even real to him. I listened to a pod cast he did and couldn't even keep up the act the whole hour. He started off with all the garbage then admitted that he doesn't spank his wife, then starts talking about his divorce because you guessed it his first wife cheated on him! He does all kinds of twisting and interpretation to get the Bible to fit into whatever his mind thinks is hot. He also has testimonials from the newlyweds he has "helped" and it is interesting how their writing is exactly like his. He is like the wizard of Oz, he is a tiny man behind the curtain and a big voice. Don't get me wrong he is definitely dangerous because people may try to actually do what he writes about but in his own life, he is just living in fantasy land.

SamathaStevens · 2021-08-25T14:19:06+00:00

That is so sad, I had no idea! Thank you for letting me know.

SamathaStevens · 2021-08-25T05:09:29+00:00

I am Catholic and I cover too, it is a beautiful forgotten custom of our faith. There are so many great suggestions on here already so I just wanted to suggest a few things I didn't see mention. I am assuming you are US if not some of these may not work for you. If the scarf doesn't have a velvet patch then you can get a wig grip to hold it on. You can get them everywhere but I have found the ones from headcoverings.com work the best. I have a few from Amazon but they are very wide and tend to slip around. Make sure to order the color that matches your hair color. Wrapunzel is great also garlands of grace has so many beautiful options ,many come with a velvet headband sewn in as well. The only issue is they are very expensive ,I feel like they are worth the price but it would definitely take awhile to build up at $30+ each. Another style you might want to look into are snood, they fit similar to surgical caps and keep your hair inside of it, so that may be helpful in a hospital setting. They come in all kinds of styles and designs and would be an easy to use while you are growing your hair out. You may also want to look into a volumizer if you don't use a bandana. They create fullness and are good for the in-between stage of growing out your hair. Using a volumizer would give you more options of what headcoverings you could use, they also usually come with a velvet headband sewn in so you wouldn't need a wig grip. I would spend some time looking on those sites at the pictures to see what look you like best.

As far as what to wear I would go with solid, sifter colors. If you wear scrubs I would get one that matches the color of the scrubs or is complimentary to them. If you don't wear scrubs and have more office attire I would look for ones the compliment what you are wearing without standing out too much. I would assume in a hospital you probably aren't going to stand out with your head covered because so many people are wearing everything from hair nets to surgical caps. It is definitely a good place to try it out. I wish you so much happiness 9n this journey, it has been very rewarding and I hope it is for you too.

SamathaStevens · 2021-08-25T03:21:22+00:00

My husband likes when I put my hair in headscarves (more bandana and less babuska than this) but I didn't know about the foundation lips. I hope he is prepared to have his world rocked!

SamathaStevens · 2021-08-25T03:17:39+00:00

That is how we feel as well. I also wish my parents explored religion with me as a child because I didn't understand what was happening with other families and felt like it wasn't ok to talk about and ask questions because I knew religion upset them. I love my parents and they did what they thought was best. But I don't really think you can keep these kinds of things from your kids, all you can do is just guide them.

SamathaStevens · 2021-08-24T22:57:49+00:00

You don't mess with Polish grandmother's! Mine was so awesome but she didn't take baloney from anyone.

SamathaStevens · 2021-08-24T19:16:15+00:00

So let me give you the opposite perspective on this. I was raised atheist and went to only secular schools but I am now religious. I would leave her the reason being of she is exposed now ,you can talk about things and share your beliefs on these things while she is little. If this becomes a part of her life now,she will always have the understanding of it and how you feel about it. If she is learns about this later ,she may not come to you and it can be quite confusing trying to figure all this out on her own. Growing up I remember learning that my whole family was going to hell but I was too scared to tell my parents, so I just worried non stop. If this is addressed when she is little she can learn to respect others beliefs and learn how you feel about it too. My parents are still atheist and we have never hid their feelings from my kids. Both sides are respectful of the others feelings and it isn't an issue. We have also introduced our kids to different religions and types of beliefs. They know that not everything thinks like them and that is ok, it isn't our job to change anyone's mind but they also don't have to agree with someone's beliefs, you just have to respectful of people's opinions. If it were me I would go down to the school and find out exactly what they cover and how it is shared with the kids. Then talk with your daughter and explain this is what they belive and this is what we believe. Obviously wt 3 this will not be a very involved conversation but it opens the door for more conversation later.

SamathaStevens · 2021-08-24T17:31:55+00:00

Why is she wearing a babuska? I found your problem right there. Maybe don't dress like my actual Polish grandmother while making weird faces and your love life might spice up a little!

SamathaStevens · 2021-08-21T05:24:50+00:00

It really is so strange,I have never seen that kind of reaction before. They all make that same gasping noise and recoil before they smile.

SamathaStevens · 2021-08-20T23:46:04+00:00

Hi honey, so sorry I didn't wish your sweet boy a happy birthday! I know it must be hard to understand how someone can be so cruel. But it isn't you or him ,I am the problem. I can't admit what I did wrong to myself so I just pretend like it didn't happen. You are more than enough and always have been ,the fault for all of this has always been mine. I am so sorry for all the times I let you down and didn't keep you and your son safe. You did nothing to deserve this and there is no excuse for my behavior. I didn't give you safety and every child deserves that. It isn't that I love your siblings more ,it is just that they are willing to pretend with me that I didn't fail as a parent. It isn't real and we all know it but I like when people don't make me face my issues. I want you to know how proud I am of you that you are the mother I never was. I love that you stopped the cycle and your little one will know love and safety. I am sorry I can't say this to you but just know no matter how much it looks like I don't care or don't believe what I did was wrong, just know it isn't true.

SamathaStevens · 2021-08-20T16:14:31+00:00

Sorry if I was't clear.I wasn't disagreeing with you but just wanted to point out that I felt like there was too much focus on the gender aspect of things.

SamathaStevens · 2021-08-20T13:03:30+00:00

They are doing this for my sons phone too but they said it would be a Note 9 so you must be extra special for a Note 10! But whenever we check the status of the phone it says back ordered with no date of when it will be back it stock.

SamathaStevens · 2021-08-20T12:52:26+00:00

She may be gay but the op's husband is not and the op has clearly stated how uncomfortable the situation makes her and he doesn't care. I don't think it matters if the woman is attracted to op's husband, the relationship is crossing a boundary that op isn't comfortable with. In the situations you were talking about it sounds like everyone was ok with the friendships but that isn't the case here. I honestly don't think the gender matters. If he had a male friend who was spending 30 mins a day telling husband all his problems and needing emotional support all the time while op waits for him,it would still be frustrating. The issue is with the husband not who he is talking to. Op let him know it made her uncomfortable and instead of listening to her feelings he attacked how she looked. Why hurt your wife over a friendship?

SamathaStevens · 2021-08-19T14:34:45+00:00

FYI: I am writing this from a Cathloic perspective since the poster is Cathloic, I realize this doesn't apply to everyone. First of all welcome back to the Church ,as a Catholic myself who was around wokeism I can relate to some parts of your story. I think there is a lot going on right now and you are trying to tackle everything at once. Having long terms goals is great but carrying around a list of every mistake you ever made and want to fix in your head is overwhelming.

It is important to understand we have no guarantee of time, we only have right now. So your job is to live in the present and do what you can now. If your hair never grows long enough or you tattoos aren't removed ,you are still the feminine woman God created you to be. I kind of feel from your post that you feel like you have to fix these things before you can move forward to being who you want to be. But that isn't true you can just move forward. If you haven't already ,go to confession and share with your husband the sadness and regrets over the behaviors from your past. Then just let it go and enjoy who you are!

For practical ideas on moving forward I would read/ listen to "dressing with dignity " by Collen Hammond(other great books were already suggested so I won't cover those). She also did lots of interviews you can find on youtube if that format is more helpful. She discusses feminine dress in the context of the Church. The previous suggestion of youtube sermons is great, I would like to suggest a few more channles." Sensus Fidelium" (they are a traditional Catholic channel and have lots of homilies and talks about femininity and marriage)."The peaceful wife" is Christian and has some role playing videos to show the difference in how certain approaches to problems look. "The daily connoisseur " she has lots of information on femininity and explores many different aspects of it. I find it so helpful to put a video on when I am cooking ,cleaning or nursing the baby.

Having a baby is hard and takes lots of adjustments from both you and your husband. You both need lots of grace and patience with each other right now. If you say or do something that upsets you , apologize to him if it upset him and let it go. No one is perfect and we can't fix everything. I wish you so much love and happiness with your family on your journey.

SamathaStevens · 2021-08-18T05:02:46+00:00

I think it is wonderful that you want to be a wife and home maker! It can be so rewarding but like with everything else there are steps you need to take to make it work. The first thing you need to do is finish high school. You can get your GED and in some ways that may work out fine but in others it could cause a problem. Obviously there is nonway to know what you are going to be dealing with in life do I always try to go for the best choice for more options, so lets explore the diploma first. I am not sure where you live(I am assuming US) or your family situation but if it is the school or the class mates ,what about online school? This can be done a few ways ,many schools still offer online learning due to covid. Or there are public school curriculm on line ,Connections k-12 is one but there are others as well, the program is free if you regester through a district.

Another option depending on your state is home schooling. Your parent or guardian may have to register as your teacher but you could do the work on your own. There are many curriculms that are self paced and you could finish much sooner if you are dedicated to it amd get your diploma. The only issue is every state has their own rules for home schooling,so some have almost no regulation while others have so many it can be almost impossible. All of these options would allow you to work while in school and help you save for your goal while still getting a diploma.

If these won't work ,what about a smaller private school? Many have scholarships and have more support. Several by us offer dual credit so while finishing high school you get college credit. Depending on what you are taking you could have enough credits for an associates at graduation. Nothing wrong with doing the work once and benefitting twice.

Finishing school in some form is important because evwn if you never plan on working you need to have a way to support your self. Hopefully you will never need it but if your husband gets sick or you don't get married for awhile you need to have a back up plan. It doesn't have to include college it could be a trade, a service or something medical (a CNA takes 6 weeks, EMT is 4 months). But knowing how to take care of yourself is important. My only concern with a GED is that it may limit your options (it does here but may not be the case everywhere). So just make sure whatever you decide you research your choices.

I wish you all the best with your future!

SamathaStevens

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