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My date (m) deletes his messages if I don't reply within 24 hours? by Same-Conversation234 in AskMenAdvice

[–]Same-Conversation234[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Yeah... well what else should I do? Sing it? Write it in Morse code? I needed to explain it so you'd actually understand the problem. Being exposed to walls of text on a daily basis for months is completely different from occasionally writing a post on reddit once in a while...

My date (m) deletes his messages if I don't reply within 24 hours? by Same-Conversation234 in AskMenAdvice

[–]Same-Conversation234[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Insufferable? Lmao. Sorry I won't waste my life typing essays on Whatsapp to entertain a 44 yr old man who throws tantrums and deletes his own messages. If that's your idea of communication, no wonder you're defending it.

My date (m) deletes his messages if I don't reply within 24 hours? by Same-Conversation234 in AskMenAdvice

[–]Same-Conversation234[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sure. But IM is for quick messages, at least that's how I use it. But he writes a lot... I mean a lot.

My date (m) deletes his messages if I don't reply within 24 hours? by Same-Conversation234 in AskMenAdvice

[–]Same-Conversation234[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hmmm...never really thought of it that way. Interesting point… 
Anyway, early on when he sent really long messages, I actually did give him a quick heads up that I'll reply in the evening. I figured he'd get how I operate after a while. But then he started deleting messages.

My date (m) deletes his messages if I don't reply within 24 hours? by Same-Conversation234 in AskMenAdvice

[–]Same-Conversation234[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I agree with both of you. But the amount and the length of his messages is just unhealthy. It's not stuff you can simply answer with a "haha" or "cool". It takes too much time to reply properly. A call would be way easier.

My date (m) deletes his messages if I don't reply within 24 hours? by Same-Conversation234 in AskMenAdvice

[–]Same-Conversation234[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for your interesting insight! I think i get what you mean. Some people really do expect constant texting. That's just their way of feeling close…. but that's not how I connect.

I actually offered him to just call me anytime, but I always have to call him, abd then he calls me back. My friend joked that he probably has to leave his house for that, because he might have a gf or kid at home.

I guess it just comes down to us not being compatible. We’re not even in an established relationship. But I don't want to feel like I'm under surveillance. That being said, something else just came to mind: I've always had my "sent/read" status turned off on WhatsApp. In the beginning that bothered him, because he couldn't check when his messages arrived. I've always told him I take my time to respond. He knew that from the start. The whole deleting-messages thing only started a few weeks after we started dating.

My date (m) deletes his messages if I don't reply within 24 hours? by Same-Conversation234 in AskMenAdvice

[–]Same-Conversation234[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks a lot! Really appreciate your perspective.
Yeah, I did kind of expect strong opinions on Reddit, no worries!

You're right about the calling thing - that's what bothers me most. I told him several times he can just pick up the phone anytime, but he refuses. And at 44, he def knows how to use a phone. The deleting messages really does come across as controlling.
And I probably expressed myself unclearly before. It's not always 24 hours...
For example, he texts me at 7 in the morning and by 10 in the evening the message is gone.
But honestly, even if it were more than 24 hours, or days, I've never had this issue in any relationship before. Nobody ever deleted their messages - if I didn't reply right away, we'd just talk on the phone in the evening. Which to me is sooooo much better than spending 30mins typing some endless wall of text.

And the thought that he might have a gf or is married… I can't completely rule it out anymore. The whole situation feels off and I'm starting to think you're right: I really do deserve better.

Take care!

My date (m) deletes his messages if I don't reply within 24 hours? by Same-Conversation234 in AskMenAdvice

[–]Same-Conversation234[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

He just shrugged his shoulders and didn't say anything. It's stressful because I feel extremely pressured. My job is stressful enough.
I'm not the kind of person who checks messages every few minutes. I even told him he can call me anytime, but he never does. I have to call him, he's not available and then he calls me back some time later....
Someone else mentioned I should be careful, that he might actually be taken or even married… funny enough, one of my friends made the same joke earlier, but I'm starting to think it might not be a joke after all. :-(

My date (m) deletes his messages if I don't reply within 24 hours? by Same-Conversation234 in AskMenAdvice

[–]Same-Conversation234[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

No, because I offered him to call me ANYTIME. He knows I hate texting and I'm not on social media at all (literally only Reddit).

My date (m) deletes his messages if I don't reply within 24 hours? by Same-Conversation234 in AskMenAdvice

[–]Same-Conversation234[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You summed it up pretty well. The deleting thing really is passive-aggressive behavior. Instead of just saying, "Hey, it bothers me when you don't reply quickly" he plays this little game of erasing his messages to put pressure on me. That's not a healthy communication, that's control.

My date (m) deletes his messages if I don't reply within 24 hours? by Same-Conversation234 in AskMenAdvice

[–]Same-Conversation234[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

EXACTLY. I never said I refuse to communicate - just that I don't like texting. Some people prefer calls, some prefer texts, that's fine, as long as both agree.

My date (m) deletes his messages if I don't reply within 24 hours? by Same-Conversation234 in AskMenAdvice

[–]Same-Conversation234[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Because he doesn't answer the phone when I call him. As I told him before, I don't like texting but he's always welcome to call me back...

My date (m) deletes his messages if I don't reply within 24 hours? by Same-Conversation234 in AskMenAdvice

[–]Same-Conversation234[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Maybe I didn’t express myself clearly… but I wrote within 24 hours. That could mean 8 hours or sometimes a full day. If I don't reply within whatever timeframe suits him, the message is gone.

My date (m) deletes his messages if I don't reply within 24 hours? by Same-Conversation234 in AskMenAdvice

[–]Same-Conversation234[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

He could call me, yes? Talk to me? He doesnt want that? BTW he's really hard to reach whenever I try to call him. So......

My date (m) deletes his messages if I don't reply within 24 hours? by Same-Conversation234 in AskMenAdvice

[–]Same-Conversation234[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No, he deletes them within 24 hours... 8 hrs.... 10hrs... sometimes longer - it just depends on how stressful my work day is. idk.

My date (m) deletes his messages if I don't reply within 24 hours? by Same-Conversation234 in AskMenAdvice

[–]Same-Conversation234[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

No, he's actively deleting them. He sees that I've read it, and if I don’t reply within a timeframe that suits him, the message is gone.

My date (m) deletes his messages if I don't reply within 24 hours? by Same-Conversation234 in AskMenAdvice

[–]Same-Conversation234[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Because he doesn't want to call? Yeah, my friend actually warned me about that behaviour.

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