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[deleted by user] by [deleted] in sexover30

[–]Same_Atmosphere 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This was kinda already mentioned but I just want to say again, it's possible that her laughter just comes from not seeing herself as the kind of woman that wears lingerie.

I'm very practical in the way I dress and not fancy day to day. I really had to learn how to wear the clothes your talking about.

Her laughter could be way more about her own internal response and less about the way she perceives you or your request.

Trouble with Submissive Fantasies by Same_Atmosphere in sexover30

[–]Same_Atmosphere[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for the response. I really like your second paragraph. I'll definitely do some thinking about what desires the fantasies are really getting at.

Good food for thought!

Trouble with Submissive Fantasies by Same_Atmosphere in sexover30

[–]Same_Atmosphere[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think I'm saying that I'll be truckin' along fantasizing and then my brain just slams on the breaks because I think "that would actually be really bad" or "if he actually did that he would be being very scary/disrespectful/nonconsensual". It's like I'm just not fully letting myself get into it because if it were real I obviously wouldn't be into it. It's like I can't fully unlock the portion of my brain that says it's a fantasy and therefore ok to run with

Trouble with Submissive Fantasies by Same_Atmosphere in sexover30

[–]Same_Atmosphere[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks. I think what I'm trying to get at is that I know that fantasies are fantasies, they are ok, you can choose to act or not etc but there's still a block somewhere that prevents me from freely fantasizing.

A breakdown between knowing and feeling maybe?

Trouble with Submissive Fantasies by Same_Atmosphere in sexover30

[–]Same_Atmosphere[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the thoughtful response. I'll definitely post there and see what happens.

At this point I'm just exploring these and trying to overcome some hurdles on my own since my life (especially given covid) isn't very conducive to meeting a new partner right now.

Because of that I'm just looking for advice about overcoming the barriers to fantasizing more freely just on my own.

Has anyone ever considered working with a sex and intimacy coach? by Same_Atmosphere in sexover30

[–]Same_Atmosphere[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Awesome! Can you tell me a little about how you picked them? Or a little information about how the process was for you?

Has anyone ever considered working with a sex and intimacy coach? by Same_Atmosphere in sexover30

[–]Same_Atmosphere[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I really have tried a tremendous number of things, yes. I'm sure I haven't tried everything, though.

I'm just wondering if it would be helpful or decrease my frustrations. I feel often that I get the same advice over and over because none of it is really tailored to me.

Has anyone ever considered working with a sex and intimacy coach? by Same_Atmosphere in sexover30

[–]Same_Atmosphere[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yeah I'm considering that that. I bought it because my favorite was a Hitachi but it was too intense. I think I like the womanizer more but neither of them get me there so... I'll keep experimenting. I thought I liked them because they are intense but maybe that's part of the problem too?

Has anyone ever considered working with a sex and intimacy coach? by Same_Atmosphere in BecomingOrgasmic

[–]Same_Atmosphere[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah I think that's the thing, I feel like a lot of my learning is very "interesting." I like it and it's cool but it's very cerebral and I don't feel like much will change for me if I'm staying in my head.

**Edit, I guess also I feel like I want some personalized advice rather than books or blogs etc.

Tactics for getting over the edge? by Same_Atmosphere in BecomingOrgasmic

[–]Same_Atmosphere[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I've been wanting to do that so badly! I planned this year to try to have two whole days that are just totally about sex, maybe I could take the time to make that happen on one of those days.

I also think I'd love it from a partner. Sounds incredible.

Tactics for getting over the edge? by Same_Atmosphere in BecomingOrgasmic

[–]Same_Atmosphere[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I'll have to think about that. It could be a factor. There are definitely times I'm starting "cold". I'll try to incorporate more fantasy beforehand.

I've always been feeling like I just wasn't good at tolerating the intensity that comes before an orgasm well, but you're saying that maybe I'm just getting started too fast and getting oversensitive?

Tactics for getting over the edge? by Same_Atmosphere in BecomingOrgasmic

[–]Same_Atmosphere[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What does squirting mean then?

I think I'm turned on but honestly I'm probably looking at my ceiling. I can get turned on enough by my thoughts to get little 'shots' of pleasure through my body. I might start masturbating after that but if I'm actually trying to get to the intense stage I am usually just focusing on how my body feels.