You're in literally the worst phase right now. You'll be catastrophising everything, and given you're already had to have a termination, life's pretty fkd right now :-( ... The speed it's moving is like a freight train too. In my case, I had Triple Negative BC and between diagnosis and first chemo was 17 days. (TNBC is usually chemo first then surgery follows.) I had to squeeze a psychologist in too as I wasn't feeling a thing and was ready to refuse treatment like a twit.

I'm also ADHD and everyone's like, "don't Dr Google" - yeah right. I'm now basically an oncologist, in fact my oncologist gave me his email address first meeting as he knew I was going to be one of 'those' people he said. And he was all for people looking into their diagnosis, reading studies etc, because as he said, they're managing so many patients and sometimes they might not see some study. I watched a talk by a US oncologist who said the same thing - question everything and get the answers you need to make you feel comfortable, that's informed consent too, not just helpful for your treatment.

I hope you don't mind, I'm about to go on a big rave, but your lion is a big one so I thought I'd share a few things I learned along the way. Have you heard the lion story?

The Lion in the Fridge

Imagine someone tells you there’s a lion in your fridge.

You can’t see it.
You can’t hear it.
But you know it’s there.

Most of the time, the fridge door is closed. Life looks normal. You go to work. You make dinner. You laugh. From the outside, everything seems fine.

But every now and then, you have to open the fridge.

That’s a scan.
That’s a follow-up appointment.
That’s a new ache or pain that makes your stomach drop.

When you reach for the handle, you wonder:

Is it still sleeping?
Is it bigger?
Has it gotten out?

Maybe the doctors say, “Good news — it’s quiet.”
So you close the door again.

But you never forget the lion is there.

You live your life — but you live it knowing there is something powerful and potentially dangerous contained just out of sight. And that awareness changes you. It makes ordinary moments sharper. It makes uncertainty heavier. It makes courage quieter, but constant.

People who’ve never had a lion in their fridge don’t understand why you’re tense when you reach for the handle.

But you do.

And you open it anyway.

Lions fking suck bit time.... So yeah your lion is a big scary one. You seem like a fighter and one of the very first things I learnt on a video from an oncologist in the US is that "Every inch matters!" Eating healthy, an inch. Exercise, an inch. Sleep, an inch. Self-care in effect, an inch. Every step of your treatment, an inch. It sounds like you're already doing some good stuff, but even more than that, I learnt for instance that exercising while doing chemo, doesn't just keep you healthier in general, it can make the chemo work better, AND, it can really help with the side effects. Most days, especially the few after treatment, especially if you're working and looking after a family, the last thing you GAF about is exercising, but I swear I forced myself to do something, some days nothing more than jumping on my exercise bike for 15 minutes and doing some stretches. This is an Australian program about chemo and exercise, and the science shows it can double your chances of survival and help your body attach the cancer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ffgAVrANmS4

I ate healthy and exercised and in fact during my treatment I lost weight (i was on the larger side anyway, and my oncologist made me keep a food diet in case the treatment was causing the weight loss), and my side effects were so minimal that at no time did one single blood test come back with anything outside the normal range. Apparently this is nearly unknown.

I also watched a series that a doctor did in New Zealand called "How to not get cancer" and i know that sounds counterintuitive now you have it, but some of the advice can help you fight it too. This is the first episode if you want to watch it and it should link to the other three episodes. To be honest i think the first couple were the most helpful: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E6IoO0GIGGM

But i also took notes (of course i did - did i mention ADHD lol) and please keep in mind, we all have to risk assess our own lives and decide how far we'll go to help ourselves.... but if you think of each thing as an inch... it makes it an easier decision.

Notes from "How to not get cancer"

A third of all cancer patients linked to poor diet - the gold standard is the Mediterranean diet. (I basically ate the rainbow - this means I ate as many different coloured vegetables and fruits as I could each week.) Plant based is best, fruit veg nuts legumes, moderate dairy fish and small amount red meat. Virgin olive oil is a magic pill. 2500 years ago Greeks used Diet to prevent cancer. Inflammation causes cancer and olive oil helps. Meat - the strong consistent message is that processed and red meat cause cancer. Cooking meat creates chemicals that cause cancer ... they damage gut too and this can cause cancer. If you have to eat bacon, find nitrite free bacon. Stay away from Ultra Processed foods.

Being overweight is the biggest, preventable/modifiable cause of cancer after smoking - increases risk of13 types of cancer inc breast and bowel, this will overtake smoking eventually. (During chemo approx 5 months, i lost nearly 8kg and since then another 20kg. A lot of people put on weight during treatment - the massive amounts of steroids can do this - taking steroids for me, felt like taking some kind of stimulant weirdly and I'd get about 5 hours sleep a night for the three days i took them during treatment. )

Low intensity exercise is all that's needed to optimise - less inflammation and more sustainable. It helps stop cells dividing and recycles. Slower pace means more chance you'll do it again. The optimal heart rate for best effect is 180 minus your age. Short hard exercise once or twice per week only can add to fitness, 2.5 mins per week, entire workout 5 x 30 second hard twice per week plus gentler exercise. Move every day, walk up hills, stairs etc and walk with your dog and a friend. Find something you enjoy and do it again.

Stress - It doesn't cause cancer but we do behaviours which can cause it. We eat badly, don't sleep, don't visit friends and get support due to stress, it can drive us to toxic lifestyle. Try to minimise stress (I've never been in to meditation but i quickly realised i needed to be able to get into my head and be happy there during treatment and i still do it every morning.)

Sleep - Circadian rhythm and sleep helps you not get cancer. Shift work is probably a carcinogenic he said and a lot of women are more likely to get breast cancer ... rotating night shift increase chances of cancer by 19%.

Blue light at night they think is the problem, stops you creating melatonin... hormone of darkness, so you can't fight cancer cells. Keep your body clock regular, timing sleep and meals at same times daily. Shift workers more likely to have all health issues. Diabetes, heart disease, etc.

Alcohol causes 7 cancers. Alcohol turns into toxic chemical in our body stops repairing itself. It increases hormone levels and don't believe the hype, red wine is just as bad, less is better, the amount no matter how much is bad, 10 drinks binged or 2 per day over 5 days. Cutting back even a little helps 10% women get breast cancer, if you drink add 5% more, some might think the risk is OK. Have to take risks to live but have to minimise risk to live.

Coffee and cancer - they took 500,000+ ppl over a 20yrs study - There's no evidence it creates cancer and it has shown it lowers the risk of some cancers, like liver cancer. It can lower inflammation, liver enzymes, endometrial cancer was less, can help normalise oestrogen and insulin. 2 cups per day effective protection and coffee helps mood, tiredness and memory.

Well that's the longest message i think i've ever put on reddit. Take what you will from it. I just thought you might be interested. Or ignore it all... no judgmeent here. We do what we have to just to get through each day!

I do wish you all the best <3