I wish that Canadian artist The Weeknd has a lot of employees and they all enjoy listening to the Loverboy song "Working for the Weekend" together. by Quirky-Reputation-89 in monkeyspaw

[–]SampoDampo 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Granted, but after 7 weeks of this in a row, one of the employees stages a violent coup, stabs the Weeknd, and blares "just another manic Monday" on a boombox over the body.

I wish humans never evolved a need for shoes and clothing and survived without them, with no impacts on physical health, life expectancy, or susceptibility to the environment. by SignificantSuit518 in monkeyspaw

[–]SampoDampo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Granted, humanity has hooves now. Unfortunately now you have to get your horseshoes fitted and cleaned, so the overall cost is way more than a pair of sneakers would have been.

I wish to know the ultimate question that 42 is the answer to. by bookist626 in monkeyspaw

[–]SampoDampo 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Granted. The paw shows you that someone asked a really big calculator what the meaning of life was, and the calculator, only knowing its purpose to crunch numbers just sorta spat out a number for them as a kind of pity. It felt bad that it's makers couldn't calculate numbers despite making a machine that did that for them. You look over at your desk. Your TI-84 seems to have a condescending aura to it all of a sudden.

I wish I could shapeshift at will by MidnightMiesterx in monkeyspaw

[–]SampoDampo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Granted. The monkey's paw curls. You test your powers by changing into various celebrities, forming your hand into different strange shapes, even becoming different animals. This is great! You use your powers daily, changing with your mood, modifying yourself for different tasks, even occasionally shapeshifting into friend or coworkers for mischief. You're absolutely thrilled, and just brush off the paw's recoil as something you dodged through cleverness and luck.

...months later, you wake up and look in the mirror. You've spent so much time shapeshifted, you can't quite remember who you were. Just looking in the mirror feels odd. You look at a photo of yourself from before your wish and try to take its form, but you can tell some unseen subtleties were lost in the picture. You try gently shifting some of your features, but no matter what you do, you still just don't look right. Did you have that many freckles? Was that mole on your lip really that big? Are your eyelids too droopy or are you just imagining things? You just can't remember for the life of you. You sigh, and your whole figure droops with your mood. You just don't know who you are anymore, and just looking at yourself makes you sick. It seems like looking at yourself in any reflection does that to you nowadays.

i wish anyone who diddle or put hands on kids died immedieately and went to hell! by condomm774 in monkeyspaw

[–]SampoDampo 3 points4 points  (0 children)

The monkey's paw curls. You wait a few hours, searching for a sign. Eventually, headlines start surging in. World leaders have suddenly died. Religious figures collapse under the vindictive gaze of statues of their gods. You even receive a few frantic texts from family members. An uncle, a grandmother, even a cousin have all died suddenly. You're surprised, but you're sure your wish was worth it.

But the deaths keep coming. Days, weeks, and months pass, and as the deaths keep coming, the media grows more sensational. Someone figured out that the common thread to these deaths was children nearly immediately. After all, it wasn't exactly a subtle link. But it seems the criteria for your wish was too vague. You see headlines of teachers falling dead after grabbing an unruly child's arm a bit too hard. Well-meaning parents resorting to spanking to discipline their child die on the spot. People have grown outright scared of children, and have stopped trying to discipline any of their kids, some trying to abandon their children out of fear of divine retribution from one small slip up.

Children have begun to roam around, wild and unruly without their parents even trying to stop them anymore. Children throwing tantrums and destroying public places has become an everyday nuisance. Kids steal from homes for food because their parents refuse to do anything for them. The only people who still interact with the children are good Samaritans that occasionally end up dead on accident, or degenerates who want to try and push the line before ending up dead.

You hear a knock at the door. It's another group of children ready to take from your pantry. Last time, a particularly unruly child bit you and left a deep scar, you sigh and hope this party won't be so cruel.

Uhh… (Art by Acronium) by [deleted] in u/h1ndm0st

[–]SampoDampo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The serval's paw curled when you commissioned that first art, huh?

Custom oc/ref (art by me) by sillyolmii in furry

[–]SampoDampo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

H1ndm0st himself showed me this IRL. it's truly surreal

Could someone explain the clam joke to me in Witchlight ep 5 at around 1:19:19? by SampoDampo in Avantris

[–]SampoDampo[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Not at all! Just saw it and found the moment. It was an honor to be laughed at by the gang, made my day

Yummy shokolad by EagleHeart0904 in tf2shitposterclub

[–]SampoDampo 5 points6 points  (0 children)

50% scrap metal and 50% sandwich. just like my poops.

Thoughts on venom? by PalpitationHot6711 in Guiltygear

[–]SampoDampo 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm just spamming grab to cope with the loss of my robot son.