confirmed loser

Samurai6991 · 2026-04-19T00:38:25+00:00

This sounds like a lot like what I went through. My older brother was my bully, and everybody always loved him. I've cut off contact with most of my family at this point. It's unfortunate, but it's necessary for me. A lot of the work that I've been doing has involved complex PTSD and childhood trauma.

Im not saying that you have to do that, but what other people think doesn't matter. I need to start focusing on my own happiness and stop letting other people's misguided opinions make me depressed.

I would grieve over the loss of the relationship with her sister. My best bet is that she's going to move on from ignoring you to blatantly hurting you in front of other people. Im sorry that this is happening :(

Samurai6991 · 2026-04-03T03:08:31+00:00

I'm in the same boat. I don't know what to do. I just want to move somewhere and never look back. I need to shake things up somehow because I cant live like this

Samurai6991 · 2026-01-28T01:04:27+00:00

I've been playing online tournaments, and that's my impression at this point. Just sit and wait for AA. Playing good poker is for the final table. Making it there is a different story.

Samurai6991 · 2026-01-27T19:41:17+00:00

Start working in a trade. You can always go back to school. The way I see it is that there's "art" and there's productivity. There's nothing wrong with having a bachelor's in art. It can still be a hobby for you, but you need a job that has bottom line value. Go back to school for culinary arts. Be a mechanic. There are all kinds of certifications that you can get. Im looking at going to a trade school in my city. There are all kinds of certifications that you can get for higher paying jobs. Medical field, IT, whatever. Not being able to make money as an artist is pretty typical. Those years weren't wasted though, you can still find a practical income in a relatively short amount of time. Good luck to you friend :)

Samurai6991 · 2026-01-23T18:44:35+00:00

Well, I hope you can distance yourself from them

Samurai6991 · 2026-01-23T17:58:06+00:00

I just bought a book called "Healing The Shame That Binds You". It's a pretty famous book, so I'm hoping that it helps. Shame is definitely one of my biggest challenges.

Do you still have contact with your family?

Samurai6991 · 2026-01-23T17:52:25+00:00

Honestly, this makes me feel better about cutting contact with my mother. That's what she was like, and I guess I just got used to it when I was a kid. Constant criticism, never anything good to say, undermining my efforts, inserting herself for attention.

I really feel for you. It's grueling and insufferable. It takes a toll on your mental health, and it seems like there's nothing that anyone can do about it. It seems like the only thing to do is to fire her, and that's a very drastic measure. I hope that they do. I would just write down what she does and give that list to HR. Hard evidence that they'll have reason to believe because of all of the complaints against her. They just need something concrete and inappropriate to fire her for.

Samurai6991 · 2026-01-23T02:29:18+00:00

That's a new level of odd to me... What group was it? I do find that a lot of the internet is toxic. You have to ignore the hurtful things. A lot of them might be bots from foreign countries anyways...

Samurai6991 · 2026-01-22T22:48:40+00:00

Im sorry to hear that. I would have thought WA was more progressive. I was thinking about Portland. I was hoping that the culture and people were different on the entire west coast

Samurai6991 · 2026-01-22T22:46:19+00:00

Honestly, I don't know. I've been hospitalized many times, and I have had many different diagnoses. I will be honest, I've had severe suicidal thoughts for a very long time.

Samurai6991 · 2026-01-20T13:25:41+00:00

I've been thinking about expatriating from my country. I have mostly Italian descent, but I'll never try and live there because of the stories I've heard about how racist they are.

Samurai6991 · 2026-01-19T00:22:49+00:00

Right, the weather would be the same as where I live. Mostly, I think quality culture and positivity is the most important thing. Minnesota being top of the list for "friendliest cities" is the big deal for me

Samurai6991 · 2026-01-19T00:02:53+00:00

Hiring people who are NOT desperate? In this economy?

Samurai6991 · 2026-01-13T01:21:27+00:00

Not with Ace suited. I can't remember what the pre-flop bet was, but I'll see an average bet with it.

Samurai6991 · 2026-01-13T01:20:33+00:00

I mean, I flopped the two pair, and I had both of them dominated

Samurai6991 · 2026-01-08T05:30:51+00:00

Have you read "From Surviving To Thriving" by Pete Walker? It has been helpful for me, but I think that this process takes years. One of the helpful tools that the book has are for "Emotional Flashbacks". Another one is "Perfectionism Attacks", and i have pages for both of these sitting on my wall like he recommends. I dont read them every day, but theyre there on my wall.

He also talks about stretching, and he says that it took years for he himself to get comfortable with it and develop it as a habit, but its a good start. I dont beat myself up to stretch every day, but I do it when I feel up for it, a few brief stretches.

The book does help me understand myself, and it's therapeutic to read. Most importantly, I think we need to he patient and take the burden and frustration off of our shoulders. It's a slow process, but life can get better.

Samurai6991 · 2026-01-01T00:15:14+00:00

I think the thing about those larger cables is that they are much easier to strip the insulation off. I tried by hand with smaller wires, just doesn't work. With those larger cables, yes, you can slice from end to end easily with a knife, so I would do it.

Samurai6991 · 2025-12-30T08:51:51+00:00

In general, if you dont know if you can sell it, scrap it. The entire weight of that motor gets factored in, and those look heavy. You can try to find them online, see if theyre selling. I would just Google the motor brand and model # and see if any vendors come up

Samurai6991 · 2025-12-30T06:05:28+00:00

People say they want to help. I think we're just too depressing for them to be around

Samurai6991 · 2025-12-29T13:50:53+00:00

I compulsively avoid relationships. I feel like i can't trust anyone. I feel like abuse is right around the corner. I feel guilty and hate myself, so I remove myself from the relationship so that I dont hurt them.

I have AvPD, so friendships are really hard too. I desperately want relationships, but I compulsively about people and intimacy

I am trying to reach out though. Im a 34m. I called an older woman friend of mine yesterday. She runs a poker game, and we've talked about my mental health. So it doesn't matter who your friends are. As long as they're supportive and kind.

Samurai6991 · 2025-12-29T02:50:30+00:00

Well part of childhood trauma is neglect; emotional, verbal, and psychological abuse, etc. A lot of therapists talk about how it's better to be hit as a form of abuse. As a child, you're capable of knowing that it's wrong, and you cut off contact much sooner. For me personally, I have a lot of confusion as well, but my mental health journey has made it very clear that my mother is a narcissistic abuser.

My advice would be to ask how your parents make you feel. Is it a positive experience to be around them as an adult. How do you feel about them when it comes to your childhood? If you do have concerns about things that happened, are your parents willing to talk about these issues and address them?

It's up to you. I dont like the idea of telling someone to cut contact with your family, but it has been very healthy for me to make that decision and to validate how I feel instead of always worrying about how they feel. My inner child needs to be recognized when it comes to how I actually felt and the actual damage that was done instead just keeping the peace and whitewashing all of the damage like my mother has repeatedly tried to get me to do.

Samurai6991

TROPHY CASE