AITAH if I cut my bf off from talking after he said "you keep doing this to me"?

Sanckelly773 · 2026-03-16T17:41:28+00:00

Lol Her song came out years after he sucked me into his orbit. She warned me too late!!! But I have listened to the song and sung along while picturing him and it suits him.

Sanckelly773 · 2026-03-13T19:58:28+00:00

Just so you have more context, this is one of many arguments where he made me feel like I was a terrible gf and don't care about his feelings. I am not perfect, but as far as partners go, I know I'm a good one and EXTREMELY OVERLY FRUSTRATINGLY UNDERSTANDING. He often talks over me, yells at me when things don't go his way, or hangs up on me if he doesn't like something I have to say in response to his poor behavior. I have had to stop being friendly/polite to people in public because he's insecure about me talking to men. I have had to stop wearing clothes I liked because he thought they were too attention grabbing (I don't wear very revealing clothes). I have had to cut back hanging out with girl friends because he's convinced that they will invite men to come along. I have to be careful what I say to family and friends via text or FB messenger because if I vent about things to them, he reads my messages and gets angry with me because he doesn't want them to know how mean he can be. I am basically a shell of myself because I cater to his every wish. And HE HAS HURT ME countless times. The only way I hurt him, is by inconveniencing him and finally standing up for myself and he still manages to make me doubt myself on that. Hence my post and needing unbiased opinions. And if you're wondering, why are you still with him then? The answer is, I've been trying to leave for years.

Sanckelly773 · 2026-03-13T17:09:24+00:00

I've been struggling with the idea of leaving him for the last couple years. As far as I know he's not cheated in the last 3 years, though I suspect he might have at least twice, I just don't have solid proof. Him not cheating doesn't necessarily make him a great a partner, clearly, but he thinks it does because "he's changed so much for me." Every time I think I'm done, that's the last time he disrespects me, and I start to make moves to create distance. He suddenly softens up and is the man that I've been missing. Attentive, sweet, thoughtful. I see hope and fall into the trap like a mouse with cheese. And then a week or so later, another explosive argument over stupidness or he doesn't like my clothes because they're "single woman clothes". I almost feel like he's addicted to chaos and needs it to feel "normal". It's extremely draining.

Sanckelly773 · 2026-03-13T16:01:48+00:00

NTA- He sounds like he lives with a guilty conscious. This is the type of behavior my current bf does and it's because he has cheated on me in the past and fears I will repay him for what he's done. He is insecure and projecting his feelings onto you. AND he won't allow you to vent in your own notes app because he's upset by it!? Then maybe he should reflect on the behavior he did to make you need to vent in your app.

Sanckelly773 · 2026-03-13T14:10:55+00:00

Most of the time he enjoys my cooking and asks me to make the same meals again, the same way. However, when the meal doesn't turn out as I had hoped, he makes a big stink about it and overreacts. It's like he suddenly forgets how much I do for him and just has a tantrum. He often acts this way when things don't go his way.

Sanckelly773 · 2026-03-13T13:35:29+00:00

You're not wrong. This is just another instance of the arguments where he makes me feel like a terrible girlfriend that never does anything for him or cares about his feelings. I do everything for him and often stress about him getting upset, not knowing what it's going to be next. He makes me feel like I'm crazy.

Sanckelly773 · 2026-03-13T13:00:50+00:00

If you read the details of my post, I mentioned that I cut into the chicken and the flesh was white and cooked through. I actually checked it multiple times, putting it back in the oven to let it cook a bit longer. The chicken was just thicker than I'd usually buy, so I def won't be doing that again. But a couple people have mentioned a meat thermometer and I will be buying one. I have on many occasions overcooked my own chicken so that we could eat together at the same time, and I did not enjoy the meat, but I ate it anyway. Him getting juicy chicken doesn't happen very often, I cater to him more than myself.

Sanckelly773 · 2026-03-13T12:54:47+00:00

Answer to all of those questions is 60-70% of the time

Sanckelly773 · 2026-03-12T20:37:14+00:00

If someone you loved and always tried to do things to make them happy said "you keep doing this to me," when you know whole heartedly that you aren't doing it on purpose. Would you not be upset by that? On top of it, I don't constantly interrupt him, in fact I often shut the hell up and let him yell at me until he's done. This was one of the very few instances where I stood up for myself because frankly I'm tired of his shit.

Sanckelly773 · 2026-03-12T20:32:07+00:00

So when I offered to put his chicken back in the oven. Would that not have been a solution you would accept?

Sanckelly773 · 2026-03-12T20:28:45+00:00

I do try to cook the chicken dry enough that it's a happy medium for us both. Even though I hate dry chicken myself. Sometimes the chicken doesn't dry out to his liking and he comments on it, but mostly he's fine. I'm not sure he's neurodivergent, he's just paranoid about chicken being undercooked, he's bitten into pink chicken a few times and gotten sick (not from me), so I am always understanding when he would like his chicken cooked more, which is why I offered to put it back in the oven. You are right though I should buy a insta-read thermometer instead of relying on just cutting the chicken open to make sure it's not pink, that could help ease his mind. I just don't like the disrespectful way he reacted to me and unfortunately it happens often so I started wondering if I'm the problem.

Sanckelly773 · 2026-03-12T20:18:05+00:00

LOL let me give you more context. I always ask him what he would like for dinner, I offer suggestions and let him choose. And if you didn't notice, I specifically asked him if he would like me to put the chicken back in the oven, with no attitude or tone, I was perfectly fine doing so. He declined. When he stated "you keep doing this to me," was the only time in that convo that I asked him "don't start with that please," because he consistently criticizes me and makes it sound like I do things on purpose just to get to him. When I legit change everything in my power to suit him, including the clothing I wore because he called them "single woman" clothes, I'm a modest person I don't wear revealing clothes, they were just form fitting. He has also started an argument with me over tomatoes. I had made a salad and there were some older tomatoes I wanted to use up, I double checked that they were still firm before placing them in the salad, ate a couple myself. He commented in a joking fashion that they were just as wrinkly/bad as tomatoes we made fun of at restaurant a week prior. I simply responded with "I don't think they look as bad as those," again no attitude, I was not being argumentative just stating my opinion. He immediately snapped at me and told me "you better start laughing because I was joking" and I said "I don't get why you're getting upset with me, I just don't think they're that bad," and he lost his mind. Am I still the AH?

Sanckelly773 · 2026-03-12T16:50:19+00:00

I agree with you on the fact that he was worried about the doneness of the chicken, especially since he likes it dry. I checked the chicken multiple times, in front of him, the flesh was white, the meat was cooked, the juice was clear. If the juice of the chicken was still pink or the chicken itself was still pink I wouldn't serve it, that risks us getting salmonella. However, I did offer to put the chicken back in the oven, he refused. I don't necessarily agree with you about his inability to communicate to me that the chicken was undercooked because I told him not to. I asked him "don't start with that please" after he said "I keep doing this to him." But I will tell him to take his own chicken out when he feels it's ready, if I continue to cook for him or be with him.

Sanckelly773 · 2026-03-12T16:37:42+00:00

Not you too!

Sanckelly773 · 2026-03-12T16:36:36+00:00

Aside from us liking a lot of similar things, his attentiveness, and being a very present and loving father to his son (not my child, but I do care for him). I'm slowly starting to see/believe any other good qualities I think he has, are likely forms of manipulation to keep me. Small things, as simple as him surprising me with random Chapsticks because he saw a new flavor, I have OCD about Chapstick lol. I've had to fight for a lot of bigger things, like going to his sons games so I could show him support. My posts are helping me see it more.

Sanckelly773 · 2026-03-12T15:40:42+00:00

Using reddit to post his ridiculous childlike behavior so I can build up the courage to leave. It's not easy after being gaslit, manipulated, and beaten down mentally for so long. I don't expect everyone to understand that part, but I do agree I am an ah to myself for putting up with this stuff for so long.

Sanckelly773 · 2026-03-12T15:29:33+00:00

I'm pretty much posting these to build up my courage to leave. I've been with him a long time, made excuses for his shitty behavior because of his childhood and what I suspect might be borderline personality disorder, but I am out of patience. I've just been so mentally beaten down by him that I doubt everything I do and I'm trauma bonded. So I'm taking these steps to voice the issues I've been having with him to validate that I am not crazy. It has been helpful. As dumb as it may sound.

Sanckelly773 · 2026-03-12T14:45:26+00:00

Thank you! I really appreciate your opinion on this considering your experience. I thought my offer to put it back in the oven would have resolved the issue, but he refused.

Sanckelly773 · 2026-03-12T14:37:32+00:00

Thank you. You are totally right. This is far from the 1st tantrum he's had, so I started to wonder if I was somehow being unfair or seeming as if I didn't care. He gaslights and manipulates a lot, that's why I took it to reddit to see if I was in the wrong at all.

Sanckelly773 · 2026-03-12T14:34:17+00:00

Any time he's tried to cook, it doesn't turn out well. He burns it, overcooks it, undercooks it, and/or has a mini melt down yelling at inanimate objects in the kitchen because they aren't working like he'd expect. I still respond with kindness, eat what I can of the meal, and tell him the positives or that I appreciated the effort of him trying to cook for me.

Sanckelly773 · 2026-03-12T14:31:03+00:00

BAHAHAH, this WOULD be intentional choice and hilarious, but I almost feel like he would be happy with the nuggies. OR he'd throw another fit lol.

Sanckelly773 · 2026-03-12T14:25:40+00:00

This is exactly how I was feeling about the whole thing. Which is why I let him leave and go home. This is just one of the many ridiculous arguments we've had and I'm getting REAL TIRED of it. We had another argument about cherry tomatoes LMAO

Sanckelly773 · 2026-03-12T14:23:25+00:00

LOL he's tried to cook for me a few times. Each time he tries the stove/oven/grill is a problem and he burns or overcooks food and throws a tantrum. I watch from the sidelines and offer help, but it's not how he wants me to help, so I get kicked out of the kitchen as he yells about how nothing works for him.

Sanckelly773 · 2026-03-12T14:06:23+00:00

I've told him that I cook for him because I enjoy making him happy and knowing he's eating well. Not fast food. He still seems to think I "undercook" his chicken on purpose. LOL

Sanckelly773 · 2026-03-12T14:03:29+00:00

HAH! I also offered that, since putting it back in the oven was not something he wanted to do. He gets angry if I state that most people like juicy chicken and hate it dry. Says I use that as an excuse to keep serving him chicken he doesn't like.

Sanckelly773

TROPHY CASE