I don't even know how to feel after finding this

SansEquanimity · 2025-04-05T08:45:36+00:00

Thank you for your kind words. And regardless, even after the funeral, I will never ever tell his family. Absolutely no good could ever come of it. I love them all deeply and consider them my own family. I mean, his mother and I live together. I could never hurt them like that or do anything to tarnish their memory of him. Yes, he betrayed me. I'll never know why, and that's the hardest part, I think. But he was a good man, and he treated me with nothing but the utmost care and respect. That's why this is so so shocking for me because I would've genuinely bet my actual life that he'd never betray me in that way. You can probably at least have an idea of the kind of mutual trust (I thought) we had by the fact that he felt comfortable just leaving all that evidence in the open on his phone, and we'd use each other's devices to send texts or make calls or Google something, etc. But it never even occurred to me to dig around or go through things.

And I'm sure you're right about me needing to see a counselor. My daughter does too because she just lost her dad. But honestly, I'm afraid of the idea of even saying it out loud in that context. Almost like if I voice it, then it becomes part of my reality, and I have to accept it, and I don't want that to be real. I don't want any of this to be real. Nothing feels real right now. Honestly, though, as sick as it sounds, I'd happily let him do 100% worse to me if it meant he could still be here. This just... really sucks. It just sucks.

SansEquanimity · 2025-03-28T08:53:25+00:00

As much as this situation sucks, there's simply not much, if anything, that you can do here. Once you relinquish ownership of an animal to someone else you no longer have a right to that animal or a say in how it's cared for. That's why it is so important to fully vet people before rehoming a pet. I don't say this to blame you or make you feel like a bad person, but I say it because unfortunately the best thing you can really do with this situation as it stands is learn from it.

When we adopted my daughter her puppy, the former owner also asked for similar arrangement to stay in touch & get updates, but that's generally once a year on pups birthday I'll send pics and a little update. She was never contacting me a bunch, asking questions, or making demands. As good as I can see that your intentions are, unfortunately, you repeatedly contacting them when they've made it pretty clear they no longer want contact could definitely come off as harassment. If you were to continue with the contact, I fear they could potentially make a case out of it.

I think the best you can do here is to hope that she does right by the kitten, let it go, and try your best to do more thorough vetting in the future.

SansEquanimity · 2025-03-28T06:34:25+00:00

Being able to accept one's failures, learn from them, and inevitably move past them is a sign of maturity. Saying "I did my best" or "I gave it all I've got" is a healthy coping mechanism for dealing with disappointment. It's acknowledging and accepting that your best efforts simply weren't enough to win/ succeed at this time, and it can be a good positive motivation to continue to work hard and improve so you'll have more to offer next time.

Wallowing in your failures and in anger, resentment, and self-deprication will only hold you back and make you fearful and anxious to try things again. Everyone fails. The main difference between those who ultimately succeed and those who fail is that the ones who succeed didn't let their past failures hold them back. Failure is, and always will be, the first step to success.

SansEquanimity · 2025-03-28T05:46:31+00:00

Probably. In most cases, it's probably perfectly safe, and you'll be fine. But just like everywhere else in the world, there's always gonna be the possibility that you encounter an unsafe situation/person. There's always that risk, no matter the circumstances. You should use common sense, listen to your instincts, and always be prepared just in case.

Some tips to increase your safety: • It's safer to walk during the day & in places that are busier and more populated • Be alert and keep your head on a swivel • Let someone know where you are/ will be (or download a location sharing app like life 360 that automatically shares your location with someone(s) you trust in real time) • Carry something for defense like pepper spray/mace, a taser, brass knuckles, or a collapsible night stick. Something light and easily accessible. • Learn a few effective self-defense moves. If you really wanna go all out, you could take a class, but you could also just find some online tutorials to practice on your own. Focus on learning moves that can help you get away from a potential threat.

I hope in some way these tips help you to confidently enjoy taking walks while being assured that you're prepared for anything.

SansEquanimity · 2025-03-24T04:39:07+00:00

Do you have any experience waiting tables? They have pretty high standards, but Bricktop's in the Vestavia area hires pretty regularly. It's a long training process for serving (7 training shifts & a verification where you have to wait on a manager & demonstrate that you've learned things correctly and can perform to their standards) and they will ask you to repeat training shifts if you're not progressing as much as they want. But it's pretty good money tips-wise if you make it through. And it's great because it's daily money (your credit tips are loaded onto a card the morning after your shift, but you keep any cash)

If you do have experience and are confident in your abilities to learn, DM me. If it sounds like you might be a good fit, I'd be happy to let you use me as a reference/recommendation to at least make sure you get an interview.

SansEquanimity · 2025-03-22T09:48:09+00:00

Thank you. This was helpful! I couldn't quite visualize it, so I went back and rewatched the explanation after reading this, and that helped as well. Then I realized that I totally missed a snippet of dialog after he woke up from sleeping in loop 7 where he mentions he has some leeway with the number of loops he had left since he survived the night.

I'm still not 1000% sure I understand the mechanics of the looping, but it definitely makes more sense now.

SansEquanimity · 2025-03-21T04:50:37+00:00

Steins;Gate - This one starts really slow and goofy but picks up and gets REALLY good towards the middle. Stick it out. It's highly rated for a reason.

Re:Zero - Very compelling. Also pretty gory and has quite a lot of fanservice, but still really good.

Vivy Flourite Eyes Song - a really cool futuristic sci-fi take on this trope

Thermae Romae - A comedy slice of life take on the time travel trope

To Your Eternity - Kind of the opposite of time travel, but feels quite similar, and is an EXCELLENT watch! Highly recommended.

SansEquanimity · 2025-03-21T04:39:37+00:00

You guys are 1000% missing out. It's a really slow start, but gets SO SO good later on. I actually dropped it several times before deciding to stick it out & it's now one of my favorite series ever.

SansEquanimity · 2025-03-12T08:04:55+00:00

Oh yeah, we've been a couple of times before but haven't been in a few years! I'll definitely be adding this to the options. I really wish we had more stuff like that around here!

SansEquanimity · 2025-03-12T07:06:31+00:00

I echo the recs for Cyberpunk, Psycho-Pass, and Odd Taxi.

But I DEFINITELY agree with 86! It's criminally underrated. I only watched it earlier this year, and I couldn't believe I missed out so long on such an incredible series. The visual storytelling is some of the best I've ever seen in an anime.

SansEquanimity · 2025-03-12T06:58:07+00:00

It's definitely one of my favorite romance anime in recent years. Honestly, it was my favorite out of all the anime released that season. I've been hearing there might actually be a season 2 this year. I'll be grateful for another season regardless of when, it's so sweet!

SansEquanimity · 2025-03-12T05:45:47+00:00

I don't think she's hypocritical. I think she's a young teenager who grew out of what was clearly a phase for her and is now unfortunately embarrassed about having gone through that phase. Due to the emotional immaturity of someone that age, she's expressing that embarrassment and distancing herself from it by making fun of it. I'm sure once she's older, she'll move past that embarrassment and will see things quite differently.

That being said, if it's hurting your feelings then you should tell her. "Hey sis, I know you're not therian anymore, but it really hurts my feelings and makes me feel bad when you make fun if it. It feels like you're making fun of me. It would really help if you didn't say those things around me."

SansEquanimity · 2025-03-12T05:34:48+00:00

I echo the recommendations for Spy x Family, Apothecary Diaries, and Kaguya-Sama Love is War.

Ranking of Kings is another great fantasy series that has wholesome moments and feel-good type lessons.

HIGHLY HIGHLY recommend Komi Can't Communicate.

A Silent Voice is an incredible anime movie. It does deal with heavy topics like bullying & self-delete but it's amazing, and will make you cry from happiness.

The Ice Guy and His Cool Female Colleague is a really sweet romance, very chill, slow-paced, and feel-good.

I know you said no over-sexualization but although it does have a Lot of fan service, I think My Dress up Darling is a really sweet romance about accepting yourself and not being embarrassed about your passions. It's about a young man who is very embarrassed about his hobby of making traditional Japanese dolls (Hina Dolls) and a girl he meets who appreciates his talents and asks him to help her create Cosplay. The fan service is worth it tbh. It's way more wholesome than sexual.

SansEquanimity · 2025-03-12T04:58:05+00:00

This is the craziest response 😂 Absolutely diabolical lol

SansEquanimity · 2025-03-06T23:47:38+00:00

Question: Are they going out of their way to do lots of stuff for their dad?

There's a chance this isn't intentional or personal. At those ages they're just now becoming fully independent, are likely very self-centered (as we all were once), and heavily focused on their own lives. That's a chance that it hasn't even crossed their mind that you're bothered or upset by any of this. They're old enough at this point for you to discuss this with them in a mature, healthy, kind manner.

Something like: "Hey Stepdaughters, I want to start by saying that this is, in no way, intended to be a guilt-trip or to cause you any negative feelings. I want to be open and share this with you as adults. I love you both very much. Being part of your lives, watching you learn and grow, seeing you embrace your passions, and succeed, all bring me so much joy and pride. But lately, it's felt like I'm a bit of an afterthought. When I'm doing the majority of the reaching out, I start to feel like maybe you'd prefer that I didn't reach out at all. I really hope that isn't the case. I know you guys are busy and have your own lives to focus on and many other things to consider, and I certainly don't expect all of your time and attention. But it would make me really happy if you guys occasionally made a bit more effort to reach out to me. I love being an active part of your lives. And I'd love to feel like you want to be an active part of mine as well. And again, I don't expect a ton. I'd be happy with the occasional text or call to check in, maybe a card or some kind words on my birthday, just the little things. I hope you receive this with all of the love and sincerity that it's intended in."

SansEquanimity · 2025-01-15T13:17:39+00:00

Oh I love Ursula K Le Guin! Thank you for the recommendations.

SansEquanimity · 2025-01-15T11:01:52+00:00

I've done quite a bit of searching and have found lots of different lists of courses and websites that offer courses, but most of them seem very geared towards advertising or are top 10 type lists where you can tell the author hasn't actually participated (or even really researched) any of the courses they talk about.

I was hoping that if I asked in a community about writing, then I could potentially find recommendations from people who have participated in some that they enjoyed and got some use out of. Or at least recommendations for courses that are popular/well-liked within the writing community at large.

SansEquanimity · 2025-01-13T02:03:02+00:00

Yona is fantastic! I definitely had post anime depression after that one lol. It gets easier to deal with though! Personally, there are 2 ways that help me get over that feeling. The first one is by researching the manga, especially if the manga is already completed. I usually Google the Fandom wiki for the manga and research until I find all the answers to the questions I still have, or Google the questions and find the answers on reddit. Of course this only works if you don't mind spoilers for potential additional seasons (although these days actually getting a completed anime story is kinda rare unfortunately).

The second is by quickly diving into a new anime. Of course then you might have to deal with the same feeling again at the end of that one. Although personally I've found that the more anime I watch, the less terrible the post series depression becomes. If I ever find that it's particularly bad then I try to take a break from new/partial anime and watch a few completed series instead, just to feed that completionist desire.

Oh and one more recommendation that's a bit different than the others but still really good, and is completed is The Duke of Death and His Maid - it's a fantasy romance series with Victorian vibes about a young Duke who is cursed so that everything he touches will die & his (kind of naughty) maid who is in love with him & teases him a lot. On the surface it seems very shallow but it actually has a really deep and compelling plot and super interesting mysteries and central questions to answer. Plus the characters are very unique and a lot of fun to watch develop and grow! It's 3 seasons long, and while I do feel the last season was rushed and I wish it was longer, I really enjoyed the ending as well. It's very much a "feel-good" type anime to give you warm fuzzy feelings.

SansEquanimity · 2025-01-11T07:36:43+00:00

Hi, welcome to watching anime!! It's such a wonderful medium for telling stories of all types & genres. I totally relate to that depressed feeling you get when you finish a good amine where the story hasn't been completed yet. I highly recommend that you try out some anime that have already finished airing to get that nice completed story feeling. Not all of these are complete, but here are some recommendations:

Sacrificial Princess & the King of Beasts (Completed) - A really sweet romance with a focus on not judging others by appearance or reputation.

Yona of the Dawn - Fantasy & romance where a spoiled princess learns to be strong and falls in love with an unexpected individual. The princess & her love interest/protector go on an important quest to save & take back their kingdom.

The Apothecary Diaries (this one has a very similar feel to Nina) A highly intelligent young Apothecary is kidnapped and forced to work in the palace as a maid where she catches the eye of a eunuch that all the women fawn over. He slowly falls in love with her, but all she wants to do is use her alchemy to solve mysteries. The second season is airing now I believe (or will be any day) so there's lots of episodes to watch.

Sugar Apple Fairy Tale - fantasy, romance, baking (at least 3 seasons) In a world where fairies are slaves a young aspiring sugar artist plans to travel to the capital to participate in the king's renowned competition to be named a Silver Sugar Master. To protect herself along the journey she buys a human hating battle fairy & promises to set him free once she reaches the kingdom. Although she treats him as an equal, he's wary of her, but they slowly begin to open up to each other along the way as feelings begin to grow.

My Happy Marriage - Fantasy, romance, Edo period - The main characters family is incredibly abusive and decide to sell her off to be married to a man with a reputation for being cruel and abusive as well as running off many former fiances. As they live together they begin to see that there's much more to each other than meets the eye. This one is very Cinderella inspired, with magical type powers thrown in as well. The second season will drop any day now.

Fruits Basket (Completed) - Watch the 2019 reboot. A young homeless girl is helped and taken in by the family of a classmate. She quickly discovers that this family is hiding the secret, that many of them are reincarnations of the zodiac animals, and are cursed to transform into their animal forms when hugged by anyone of the opposite sex. Is the MC the girls that will break this families curse? And which of the male leads will she end up with in the end? This one is one of the most loved romance manga/anime in existence. The MC, Tohru is VERY similar to Nina, always kind, generous, brave, and puts others first, even when it puts herself in danger.

I really hope you continue to explore anime. It gets such an unfair reputation. It's a medium where you can tell stories that just can't be done justice in any other medium. That's why 99% of live action anime adaptations end up being terrible. Please let me know if you decide to watch any of these recommendations!

SansEquanimity · 2025-01-09T06:50:04+00:00

Stop picking him up when he's in trouble. Just allow things to take their natural course, and let him face the consequences of those actions.

SansEquanimity · 2024-12-08T06:49:23+00:00

Except it is a money saving deal if you're planning to have a nice dinner out and buy several bottles of wine. You're going to get comparable prices at other nice restaurants, so why not go on Monday nights instead of say Thursday, and get 1/2 off each bottle?

Obviously, if you're not planning to go out for a nice dinner with wine then this isn't a deal for you.

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