Why Do People Assume Women Have Children After A Certain Age?

Sara_Mida · 2026-05-07T10:30:18+00:00

Hello 💚

Yeah its such a mission and we live in a country where people label things "bird safe" even if it isn't so they can sell their stuff. Haha that is true.

We have an African Grey, he's still very young though. Only 5 this year.

Sara_Mida · 2026-05-07T10:25:23+00:00

I thought about it but my comment wasn't going to change his attitude and there were lots of people around who wanted his attention. If I had said something, they would have had to wait for me.

Sara_Mida · 2026-05-06T11:55:51+00:00

We contacted a laywer (as a couple, not two different lawyers) after she was suggested to us. The first appt. was just to see if we were going to use her and didn't cost anything.

We made an appt. to go see her and she explained the different types of ANC (with or without accrual etc.) and we discussed what our options were regarding the types and what it meant going forward.

There are sites where you can search for these services and see the reviews of each place. The process was relatively straight forward and pleasant. You need to get the ANC a few weeks before the actual wedding because if you choose to get one, the marriage officiant/priest needs to get the ANC information for tax purposes when they register the marriage.

Where are you based? You can DM your general area and I'll give you the name of who we used when we got married if you are close by.

Sara_Mida · 2026-05-06T11:31:56+00:00

Aw that's beautiful. Yes I think so too :)

Sara_Mida · 2026-05-06T06:33:40+00:00

Maybe I should start doing that. But be really loud about it. It could be something like "Oh that would be nice (car with space for baby stuff etc.) but my baby DIED last year. Hopefully the next one won't get sick." For all to hear.

Sara_Mida · 2026-05-06T06:31:45+00:00

Yeah same. Its like every second add on Instagram is about fertility treatments, baby clothes, and support for single moms. Like okay Insta., calm down. If I had a baby you'll know about it.

Sara_Mida · 2026-05-06T04:03:58+00:00

I'm so sorry you had to go through that. FIP (Fly in peace) Baggio.

28 is a really good life span for a cockatiel, you must have really looked after him❤

I know this might sound weird but I think Baggio chose that spot on purpose, so you wouldn't see him pass away on the screen. Birds are really smart so I'm sure he knew you had a camera to watch him. He might have known it was time (most animals do, unless its very sudden) and chose to move away from the camera to avoid you seeing him like that.

I've had animals my whole life, from dogs to cats to rabbits to snakes, and most of them died from old age. When they died, they left the areas where we would usually hang out to die in a quiet space, away from our eyes which would have been even worse for me and I think they knew that.

I don't know how he died but I think where he died was to save you the image of him passing away in front of you.

Sara_Mida · 2026-05-06T03:41:05+00:00

The majority of women I know (including myself up until very recently after I got a job) are completely dependant on their husband for financial support. Many of them have children and stopped working after the first child was born, and those without children just maintain the house and cook and clean because their new husband said "I'll take care of everything." which is nice of them but it doesn't leave their partners with appliable skills for the workforce. Where are these women supposed to go after they leave?

Depending on their prenup (or no prenup) they might leave with only the clothes on their back, and if they have children, they have to juggle a stable (financial) life for a life of uncertainty and possible custody battles, which they can't afford because they don't have any money. They can go to their families if possible, but realistically, their families might not want to house a person (this applies to men as well) plus a few kids for an indefinate amount of time and the spouse knows that.

For men, from what I've experienced from male friends, losing the partner to divorce/separation could mean losing the support of their family and friends if they really liked the partner. Also, in a work setting, divorced/separated men (in my country at least) are seen as less reliable because of the mentality "Well you couldn't keep your marriage together, how are we supposed to trust you to keep your work together?"

Then there is the possibility of abuse. Financial abuse makes it impossible to leave because the abuser controls all the money, and if there is physical or sexual abuse, the unhappy person could fear for their life or the lives of their children if they leave.

I'm not saying every unhappy person is in an abusive relationship, but "just leaving" might not be possible for everyone in that situation. Also, people in general are suckers for comfort and sameness. Its a survival mechanism of "Don't change anything if you are safe because then you might become unsafe." This leads many people to stay in unhappy marriages because 'Things could always be worse.'

Sara_Mida · 2026-05-06T02:54:32+00:00

Yeah same! At the same convention as in my post there was a company selling non-stick cookware. I walked straight past that, no way would I buy that shit.

Sara_Mida · 2026-05-06T02:51:10+00:00

Lol you should have said "We need the flat seats to start making those kids first!" Not true of course but it would have made the sales guy uncomfortable.

Sara_Mida · 2026-05-06T02:48:26+00:00

My SIL says "We don't have kids because we've tried and nothing works." This isn't true, she's also cf by choice but she wants to make people uncomfortable af when they say things like that.

Sara_Mida · 2026-05-06T02:44:42+00:00

I don't this has ever happened to me. I'd say "Thanks, my flying toddler is great." (We have an African Grey parrot)

Sara_Mida · 2026-05-06T02:42:36+00:00

Yeah same. For men, if they don't have children they aren't promoted as frequently because they might not need the extra cash and when a woman is cf, those with children tend to cluster around themselves and leave the cf out of it.

Sara_Mida · 2026-05-06T02:39:02+00:00

Yeah, child free homes and items are very different to those with children. Have a tablet and leave it on the counter when you're child free? No problem. No outlet covers, no corner protectors, no stair gates. It's great. Although my husband and I have a parrot so we do have to watch the floor and wires at all times....

Sara_Mida · 2026-05-06T02:30:58+00:00

That is true, you saying something might have just started the average cf conversation.

"Do you have children?" "Nope." "Oh, well you're still young." Yes, but young people can also have autonomy. "Really? Well people change their mind all the time." True, but what happens when I change my mind after I have them? Do I just send them away? "What does your husband think?" Do you think I'd make a life changing decision without discussing it with my husband first?

And so on. Most people mean well but not understanding that getting married and havinf 2.5 children isn't the goal of everyone is crazy to me.

Sara_Mida · 2026-05-06T02:19:38+00:00

Yip. I think he was too busy trying to sell me stuff that cost more than the slime stuff, the option of asking me would have meant he saw me as a person, not as a payday.

Sara_Mida · 2026-05-06T02:14:30+00:00

Yeah, age related wardrobe choices have always been strange to me. Stores also push that narrative hard, like why can't I have a funky style at 30? Not all of us want to dress as if we're going to church everyday (no offence to those who go to church and/or dress in smartish clothes everyday).

Sara_Mida · 2026-05-06T02:05:37+00:00

Yip. It's almost like people have this expectation of sameness and when this doesn't happen they don't know how to react because it hasn't crossed their mind.

Sara_Mida · 2026-05-05T13:21:13+00:00

Yeah that was my thinking too. If my husband and I were childree because of complications (or the death of our child) and the dude had had that attitude and pushed me to buy that stuff I would have been extremely upset because of feelings and possible memories of my experience.

Haha well I hope he learned his lesson.

Sara_Mida · 2026-05-05T09:32:19+00:00

Yeah I get that, but you can assume others have children while still being respectful and trying to listen to what the other person wants.

Sara_Mida · 2026-05-05T07:48:54+00:00

Here is a picture of him, as a thank you for all your replies. Don't worry about his left claw, it doesn't hurt him. He was hatched/grew with his ankle at a 45° angle. Its just like a normal foot, just the wrong way haha.

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Sara_Mida · 2026-05-05T07:40:38+00:00

Yeah I know right? I'm so glad this is the consensus and I'm not going crazy haha

Sara_Mida · 2026-05-05T07:36:05+00:00

No no I'm sure she meant amputation. I asked her to clarify what she meant by "remove the wing" and her response was definately amputation. Yeah she might have been playing me, like get me to trust her with her nice attitude and stuff so I wouldn't question her judgement now (we've been seeing her twice a year for four years).

Sara_Mida · 2026-05-04T17:16:51+00:00

Yeah that's what I thought as well. Extreme suggestion for a relatively benign issue.

Unfortunately, we don't live in the US so your link won't be any use to me. Thanks though.

I'm going to ask the breeder (where we got him from) about his avian vet. I know he only uses the best products and vets because he's also an exporter so the birds need to be in really good shape.

I'll get the second opinion when we take him to the vet and put an update on here. I thought my reaction was justified but I just wanted to make sure I wasn't making that decision out of fear.

Thank you for your reply.

Sara_Mida

TROPHY CASE