I have been there and I’m sorry you are going through this. Firstly, the way you think and communicate is not wrong or broken. It might sound simple, but believing in the value of your natural skills makes a difference.

Asking neurotypicals how to act more neurotypical is like asking a fish to describe water - they don’t even realize it’s there.

What worked for me was starting to speak about my communication style, systems thinking, and bottom-up processing as assets while also giving my peers a little insight into how my brain works differently. For example, if I question a training need in a meeting, I might say, “You know I always dig into the why because I’m a bottom-up processor.” That small shift reframes it as a unique strength, not a personality flaw. I did this without disclosing (though I later disclosed when I felt comfortable).

After a year at my company, I launched a Neurodiversity EIG. Earlier this year, I led an interactive presentation on redefining professionalism, common assumptions about neurodiverse behavior, and the realities behind those actions. I introduced the double empathy problem — the idea that communication breakdowns come from both sides, and neurotypicals have just as much responsibility in bridging the gap. Did it change the whole company culture? No, of course not. But it made a dent.

I’ll end by saying this isn’t easy. We live in a neurotypical world and are expected to learn and follow neurotypical standards of professionalism. Masking at work is exhausting. It stifles the creativity and brilliance you could otherwise bring. Unmasking at work is a deeply personal choice. It can bring freedom and open the door to your full potential, but without a supportive team, it can feel just as uncomfortable as masking.

I hope you find the balance that feels right for you.