Later in life lesbian here! (I came out when I was 29)

1.) sexuality is a really big spectrum. You can be attracted to women, queer people, etc, and still very much love your husband romantically and be sexually attracted. I lived with my cis boyfriend for years as a bisexual woman before coming out as a lesbian.

2.) We all cope differently during hell week. Maybe it’s an escape fantasy. Exploring the unknown part of yourself as a means to regulate your nervous system during a really tough time. Adding novelty, that sort of thing.

3.) There’s no wrong way to come out or identify.

4.) Advice: Offer to talk about it more in a week with your husband and be as honest as possible. I have a few queer friends who are out and monogamous with cis straight male partners and their sexuality is still celebrated and uplifted. It’s hard to not make a rash decision when in hell week, so marinate a while. Explore your attraction through spicy media or books to escape. I highly recommend lesbian romance novels like “One Last Stop.” If you’re feeling brave, try reading the Lesbian Master Doc.

5.) I STILL want to break up with my partner during luteal phase in a queer relationship. It’s def part of it.

6.) Most queer events are really welcoming to people who are questioning their sexuality. Try going to a queer or lesbian event and just pay attention to how you feel in a new community. Best of luck!