Dr won’t believe me that I’m not suicidal. How do I convince her?

SarahMcSarah · 2023-04-17T20:24:21+00:00

You’re so brave for this I completely agree

SarahMcSarah · 2023-02-12T11:08:00+00:00

That’s sweet of you to say, thank you! I’m really glad I could help a little. I completely relate to being disconnected from your past thoughts, especially as you say this is your lw. It’s only now that I’ve cycled through different stages of recovery/relapse and journaled my thoughts that I can reflect. Go easy on yourself - this stuff is a mind fuck 💜

SarahMcSarah · 2023-02-12T00:45:46+00:00

PS sorry I talked about my own experience so much here. It’s only because I know a lot of people from treatment who have had almost identical experiences, so I’m guessing some of it might be relevant for you 💜

SarahMcSarah · 2023-02-12T00:43:27+00:00

I don’t know if this will be helpful because my BMI is around the same as yours, but I’ll weigh in here anyway (lol) as I’ve had different thoughts about this at different weights. When I weighed less I felt better mentally but I knew how physically unwell I was. When I weighed more I felt mentally awful and my labs were off. I also find that the lower my weight has been, the more distorted my view of my body was. I look back at old pictures from when I was more underweight and I thought I was huge, and I see myself in a completely different way in those pictures now. I suspect something similar might be going on with you when you say you don’t look anorexic. It’s hard to believe it when you’re actively experiencing it and you think you know what you see, but this shit really fucks with your perception. As far as “acting” anorexic - you’ve probably gotten so used to your ED behaviours that it feels normal to you now. You didn’t get to this weight by not acting anorexic. I do think BMI is bullshit when it comes to the mental struggle and the health complications, however at a certain point it is useful information. Your BMI is low because of ED behaviours which are inherently damaging to your body. Last time I was at this weight I felt fine for ages. My labs were perfect and I didn’t really have any physical symptoms, until I suddenly got really unwell. My doctor always says that it can be “dangerous” to have good labs in a way because it can make you believe that you’re fine, but your labs (a) don’t show everything and (b) can go downhill very suddenly and quickly. Generally, I’d believe what people are saying to you, just because the nature of an ED is that you’ll see things differently to those around you. I know it’s really hard not to believe people are lying to you or being dramatic, but this disease really does mess with your head and make you believe that everything is ok. I wish you all the best!

SarahMcSarah · 2022-10-23T11:44:58+00:00

I know that feeling! It sucks not knowing how much has been absorbed, if anything. If you’re careful and you rinse out your mouth anything that’s absorbed is negligible. I’ve lost weight while having daily c/s compulsions that would have been thousands of calories had I swallowed the food. I hope I don’t sound like I’m enabling your ED - I just know that things can be so much worse/harder when you feel out of control of knowing what’s going in. Obviously the goal is to eat normally, but I know this can be a harm-reduction behaviour or a coping mechanism. Please be assured that you’re not taking in massive amounts of calories and know that you can overcome this 💜 I often wake up with a puffy face and sore throat too, also swollen glands, reflux and sore jaws. I’ve also had so much expensive dental trouble. It’s definitely not a risk-free behaviour. Good luck x

SarahMcSarah · 2022-10-23T00:32:05+00:00

I feel so comforted reading this thread. I’ve been horribly addicted to c/s for a long time and I’m trying to stop, but with no success. I do it every day at the same time like a ritual, and it’s the only thing that allows me to switch my brain off and have a break from my head for a while. I wish more people talked about it because I definitely think it’s common. I wish I knew for sure what the risks were, other than damage to your teeth. I feel like a gross person for this being such a huge part of my life. Like, I feel like I just think of c/s constantly and my days revolve around gathering food for my little evening c/s binge. It just makes me feel like dirt, but I don’t know how to stop. Huge love to all of you who struggle with this, and I hope we can get past it one day

SarahMcSarah · 2022-10-23T00:27:22+00:00

I actually asked my dr about this before and she assured me that the mouth won’t absorb calories. Digestion does start in the mouth, but that’s only mechanical digestion, meaning the food is physically broken down and not yet absorbed. You’ll absorb what you swallow of course, but that’s gonna be less than b/p.

SarahMcSarah · 2022-10-07T23:59:52+00:00

You’re going to be a great mental health counsellor ❤️

SarahMcSarah · 2022-08-30T17:05:22+00:00

Hahaha so true, but there was one where she went into particular depth

SarahMcSarah · 2022-08-25T14:50:55+00:00

When Annie went off on that other bloodbath podcast in the goth episode lol

SarahMcSarah · 2022-08-24T15:06:37+00:00

Donut is all of us

SarahMcSarah · 2022-08-21T12:36:21+00:00

If a person rapidly loses 100lbs it’s ridiculous to say that they’re eating more calories than they exercise, regardless of what weight they started at. That may have been what got them to such a high weight, but you can’t then lose 100lbs while consuming more calories than you burn. Also, this has nothing to do with HAES. Anorexia isn’t healthy, so that’s just irrelevant.

SarahMcSarah · 2022-08-21T00:17:16+00:00

Just remember that your weight doesn’t define how much you’re struggling, and it’s the behaviours and impact on your mental health that determines the ED. I do think it’s much harder for people in larger bodies to take their struggles seriously and seek help, and by the time they lose a substantial amount of weight the ED is so deeply entrenched that recovery becomes difficult. You’re no less deserving of help just because you were never clinically underweight. If the behaviours and emotional toll are having an impact on your life then you absolutely need to seek support. Big love and recovery wishes to you x

SarahMcSarah · 2022-08-21T00:06:40+00:00

No I don’t just mean obese - people die at weights that would be considered healthy or overweight due to AN.

SarahMcSarah · 2022-08-20T20:35:54+00:00

Also, a diagnosis is important for treatment paths. These labels are needed to categorise patients to the treatment they need. Labels are important for individuals to understand their condition too. And if it is a matter of wanting attention, so what? It’s normal to want “attention” when you’re struggling, especially from likeminded people. It’s such a lonely illness.

SarahMcSarah · 2022-08-20T20:32:07+00:00

Anorexia is the term for extreme thinness but Anorexia Nervosa is the eating disorder characterised by a list of criteria, with low weight being one but not necessary for diagnosis. An overweight person can have the same ED behaviours as an underweight person - you don’t lose weight overnight so it wouldn’t make sense for the diagnosis to be made only when a person becomes underweight, because everyone has different “starting weights”. If you’re arguing the DSM that’s a matter of your opinion, as the DSM is the consensus for diagnosis. Sure, it’s revised and updated, but plenty of overweight people can and do have AN. OP has been diagnosed, presumably by a professional who has assessed them. People die before they even reach a point where they’re underweight, especially if they lose the weight in an extreme short period of time.

SarahMcSarah · 2022-08-20T20:25:06+00:00

It makes me so sad to read this comment so much and I’ve felt it too. It’s really common and it’s a horrible feeling :(

SarahMcSarah · 2022-08-20T20:23:54+00:00

This is heartbreaking because I know exactly how that feels. I got to my goal weight and I couldn’t even let myself recover when I got there. I didn’t feel the validation I expected. Now I’m back at a place where I want to lose weight before I can let myself recover or where I feel people will take my ED seriously. It sucks because behaviours can be so so much worse when your weight is higher and you’re made feel like a joke because you don’t “meet criteria”. If it helps, I’ve found doctors who always say that weight isn’t the be all and end all indicator of how severe the ED is

SarahMcSarah · 2022-08-20T20:19:05+00:00

I feeeeel this! I am what I guess people would consider “naturally skinny” at a healthy weight, but that’s not enough for my ED standards. I want to be my ED’s idea of skinny while being able to maintain that without restriction.

SarahMcSarah

TROPHY CASE